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Can A Man Court Multiple Women?
- Thread starter Cam
- Start date
I see nothing wrong with courting more than one at a time. If you cant manage the amount of time, effort and energy, and emotions that courting more than one would require, how could you manage them once the marriages ensue?
Not saying that you have to be able to prove it by courtship prior to, but I certainly don’t see anything against it. Nothing wrong with courting only one also.
There was a guy that used to post on here, ylop I believe, that did just that. Ended up only marrying one of them as I recall but was actively courting two, while married to the first wife, and they all were aware of each other etc. I think it would have been quite interesting to be able to observe those dynamics.
Not saying that you have to be able to prove it by courtship prior to, but I certainly don’t see anything against it. Nothing wrong with courting only one also.
There was a guy that used to post on here, ylop I believe, that did just that. Ended up only marrying one of them as I recall but was actively courting two, while married to the first wife, and they all were aware of each other etc. I think it would have been quite interesting to be able to observe those dynamics.
Wouldn’t that have been an arranged marriage?
I know this is a off little topic but it helps define the original post.
I've always held the definition of Courtship my Grandfather told me. A courtship is a period of time when a husband and wife get to know each other before marriage. Marriage being a foregone conclusion. Where dating now means to go out with or seek out ,someone that your romantically or sexually interested in. Dating has no set destination.
Not a fan of courtship or dating. I prefer friends and then marriage without the intermediate steps (See Pride and Prejudice where the immediate response from a revealed attraction is a marriage proposal). That might have really confused a recent lady friend though, and I do not have a second wife, so you should probably ignore this. For children (not minors) at home I advocate arranged marriage.
I think there is nothing wrong morally with having more than one simultaneous prospect.
However, I think in practice it would be very stressful. One prospect at a time already seems very stressful. However, I am sure every family is different.
I think there is nothing wrong morally with having more than one simultaneous prospect.
However, I think in practice it would be very stressful. One prospect at a time already seems very stressful. However, I am sure every family is different.
I believe the Joe Darger (Mormon) as a young man was informally seeing two ladies at the same time and his Mom suggested that he consider marrying both of them. See the book "Love Times Three".
It seemed to work out for them, but also they built it together. He did not have to integrate into an existing family, so that made it simpler I think.
It seemed to work out for them, but also they built it together. He did not have to integrate into an existing family, so that made it simpler I think.
I'm right there with you on this.
IMO, I would just “court” the wife or wives you have. Maybe, the definition of courting should be looked up. Per it’s definition, there should be no other way to “win” a woman’s favor than by the Love we have for the present Love we are In. The right (wise) Daughter will see how you “court” your present wife and be curious. The one(s) for us will be driven by the same Love to grow Love with us both. The greatest power on earth is not that we are a Greek/Hebrew scholar, speak the Bible in multiple languages, but that I know Him because He is Life. Then how will I really truly know the Lord? He taught it was Love. Loving your wife can bring some great conversations your way from others. It can be a great conversation starter. Similar to the saying about proving you Love your children by Loving their mother. By the same token, if one wants to prove their Love for a 2nd wife, then Love the 1st one. Also beware, the wrong one will be jealous and try to steal you for themselves. Learned this hard selfish lesson. To me, the only “courting” necessary is sharing the Word. If she can Love the same and then believe the same, then the rest will work out. If two (or more) can’t Love the same first, then believe the same, then nothing else matters. If “we all” can’t put real Love above everything as God did, then who cares? Or what matters? What is our motive for “courting”, etc? Are we trying to win their favor for ourselves, for her benefit, for the present wife, for the Kingdom? Is it to grow, nurture, share Love? If our motive is anything other than Love for others, then our motive just may be narcissistic. If all the law and the prophets, which is the Word, hinged on Love, then shouldn’t we be the same? See Matthew 22-35-40, 1 Corinthians 13, and many other cross references.
Modern Defintion
be involved with romantically, typically with the intention of marrying.
"he was courting a girl from the neighboring farm"
I agree with 90% of your post. The only objection I have that sticks out to me is.
I have never met a women who did not want to be pursued by the man she loved.
Yes I agree brother. I see that we as Sons represent Christ. Ephesians 5 teaches us that a husband and wife (or even potential wife), is exactly the same as Christ and His Bride. How does Christ/God persue or court His Bride? Two criteria. Love and the Word, together. For me, and this may not be for others, that I must follow His examples that I see in the Word. You are right about almost every woman likes being perused by the man they Love, but I have seen only a few that were drawn not by tall, handsome, humor, great job, etc, etc; but were attracted by Love and the Word first. One of them I married, my wife Linnie.
Pursuit? Yes. But after a while, cat and mouse gets to be a game with only one winner.
True, in a game of cat and mouse. I was speaking taking the time and effort to show your feelings and intentions, rather than only saying them. Deed and word. I like how @Curtis Gerhart said "How does Christ/G-d persue or court His Bride? Two criteria. Love and the Word, together." Jesus told us He loved us then showed us He did. I know I'm interpreting it differently than him ,but to me it still rings true.
Now IMO, if a Man can do that for multiple women that he is courting, then brother do it. If you can't then.....
I once read (maybe on Deepstrength or Dalrock?) that Jesus called his disciples -- he invited them to follow him, but he didn't pursue them. Make of that what you will.
Totally agree, but my quick quip was meant as a warning that some women just enjoy the chase and see that as their win.
Non-biblically or patriarchal minded men just enjoy the chase and enjoy catch and release tactics.
Question. Have you ever invited a woman you were interested in to dinner or to go dancing? When she accepted did you ignore her or speak/dance with her? The pursuit can be subtle but it's the meaning behind it that matters. Plus just because there is not a chase doesn't lessen the pursuit.