3: When does marriage begin? - Possession

[FollowingHim]

This thread is not to debate the topic named, but exists to collate scripture in support of one position only as part of a structured discussion. Posts that debate the topic will be deleted. Read this thread first before participating.

Position 3: Possession forms a marriage

If a man and a woman get together in a marriage-type relationship, and nobody else has a legitimate objection, they are married.

• Hebrew / Greek scripture do not say "a man's wife", but rather "a man's woman". If a woman comes under the care / authority of a man, she is his woman (wife).
• This relationship may begin with covenant (e.g. a man negotiating a marriage covenant with the father of a virgin).
• This relationship may begin with sex (e.g. an unattached woman (such as a widow) moving in with a man without first negotiating a formal covenant).

"One flesh" refers to sexual intercourse (physical act + potential formation of offspring / family) - something that happens within marriage, is a vital aspect of marriage, may be involved in forming the marriage, but is not the marriage itself.
Adam and Eve were married from the moment God gave them to each other, as Adam's father forming a marriage covenant with Eve's father (both Himself). They then became "one flesh" (ie had sexual intercourse) within this marriage.

Please post further refinements or explanations of this perspective, with scriptural backing, below.

 

[FollowingHim]

Laban said to Jacob, “Because you are my brother, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what will your wages be?”
Laban had two daughters. The name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful in form and attractive.

Jacob loved Rachel. He said, “I will serve you seven years for Rachel, your younger daughter.”
Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you, than that I should give her to another man. Stay with me.”
Jacob served seven years for Rachel. They seemed to him but a few days, for the love he had for her.
Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in to her.”

Laban gathered together all the men of the place, and made a feast. In the evening, he took Leah his daughter, and brought her to him. He went in to her. Laban gave Zilpah his servant to his daughter Leah for a servant. In the morning, behold, it was Leah. He said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? Didn’t I serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me?”
Laban said, “It is not done so in our place, to give the younger before the firstborn. Fulfill the week of this one, and we will give you the other also for the service which you will serve with me yet seven other years.” Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week.

He gave him Rachel his daughter as wife. Laban gave to Rachel his daughter Bilhah, his servant, to be her servant. He went in also to Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years.

Jacob and Laban made a covenant, a contractual agreement, for Rachel to be Jacob's wife in return for seven years of labour. As soon as he had fulfilled his end of the deal, but before they had sex, Jacob said "give me my wife" - he already called her his wife, she was his by covenant, without sex.

However when he slept with Leah, he appears to have immediately accepted that she was now his wife. He had never made a fair covenant with Laban to marry Leah, he had only had sex with her. Yet this sex appears to have made her his wife also.

Laban did require another seven years of labour to pay for Rachel. Arguably, Jacob had already served for Rachel, and this may actually be better considered his legitimate payment for Leah, whom he was required to pay for now that he had taken her virginity. The entire situation is very messy and not necessarily a good illustration of anything. But it does appear to show women being considered wives following covenant only, and following sex only, either being able to form a marriage.

 

[Shibboleth]

I saw this argument in Thelyphthora. When King David was old, he laid with Abishag, "and she cherished the king, and served him; but the king didn’t know her intimately." (I Kings 1)

Nevertheless, despite the clear lack of sex, she is still considered a part of David's harem, to the point that, after David's death, when Adonijah requests (via Bathsheeba) that Solomon give her to him, Solomon sees it as a very real threat to his kingship, and has Adonijah executed. (I Kings 2)