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7 Ways To Discipline Your Wife

FollowingHim2

FollowingHim2

Women's Ministry
Staff member
Real Person
Female
Yes, you read that right, even though it's me that posted it. Surprise!
I normally don't like to get into this, because what I've read on the matter either in online articles or on forums ends up greatly concerning me.
I found this article because a Christian friend of mine on Facebook had commented on the link someone had posted, and was saying how awful it was. It had 130 comments at the time, all from Christians, all putting it down. Yet this is one of the most gentle, well-reasoned articles I have read on this topic. It's well worth a read.
https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/10/03/7-ways-to-discipline-your-wife/
 
FH2. This is a great post! I would agree wholeheartedly with his comments except the spanking part.

As I understand it, the well known verse that speaks of women as the "weaker vessel" is actually referring to them as the delicate vessel. The "treasure chest" or safe place in which the man entrusts his "treasure" or Nun.
Paul explains it that no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.
My challenge to any man who feels it is acceptable to "discipline" his wife by spanking would be to first begin on his own "treasure chest" or delicate vessel with the same severity of force and strikes he intended on his wife. Only after doing so should he begin "disciplining" his wife that way.

The other area that he didnt explain quite far enough was the area of putting away. There will always be the wife that refuses to submit. If you are not allowed (biblically) to physically "discipline" the wife, God has created a way to either bring about the desired results or exempt the man from being held accountable for this bad tent peg. It is called putting away Or a separation that is not divorce. Putting away is the relational state meant to restore the marriage and could involve time as the author suggested but could also be emotional, physical, financial or proximity separation while still providing cover. The putting away that is referred to in Scripture as divorce should only be used once the attempted discipline of separation has resulted in rebellion to the point of adultery and spiritual covering is permanently removed and can not biblically be restored.
 
ZecAustin said:
Ah, if only this had been posted in the men's private forum
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But I'm not allowed in there :(.
ZecAustin said:
Oh for crying out loud, the spanking is the whole point! I'm just mad windblown is a such a good wife. I wish she would submit and rebel a little bit so I can operate in this area of good husbandry
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Lol, I'm not biting. I'd just like to say good on WB!
 
I took the point of this article to be "how to discipline your wife without spanking her", with the author remaining deliberately neutral on the subject of physical discipline to avoid ending up in a debate with either "side" of that discussion. Rather, he tries to bring this back to why, when, what you're trying to achieve, and how to achieve that without force. I think the whole point is to be able to discuss when and how a man may use mild consequences as one tool while he leads his wife in righteousness, without having the discussion dissolve into arguments about spanking. So can we park that side-issue and discuss what the article is actually about?

The biggest challenge I find is that first, a man needs to lead by example. If a man has more flaws than his wife, he would be a hypocrite to focus on hers and discipline her for those, without first correcting the issues in his own life. A man must first focus on improving himself, and then look to improve his wife. Obviously he'll never be perfect either, and can't wait to expect her to improve until he himself is perfect. But within any particular issue, he needs to consider what example he is setting. He can't expect her to manage money well, if he himself does not. He can't expect her to be focussed on her work, if he procrastinates from his own. Etc. The first focus is removing the log from our own eye. Having done that, this article suggests some tools to assist in removing the speck from our wife's eye.
 
Verifyveritas76 said:
As I understand it, the well known verse that speaks of women as the "weaker vessel" is actually referring to them as the delicate vessel.
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That's a nice way of thinking about it. I have no problem saying I'm the weaker vessel though. I am. Couldn't lift half a bag of dog biscuits yesterday (it's a BIG bag), so had to get Samuel to do it. And he's strong and firm while I'm falling apart emotionally. Weaker doesn't necessarily mean less, or bad. We're made differently.
Verifyveritas76 said:
The other area that he didnt explain quite far enough was the area of putting away.
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That wasn't really the point of his post, he was discussing discipline within marriage and I'm assuming while the wife is living under the husband's roof.
 
ZecAustin said:
That's all really good stuff, but back to the spanking...
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I've always held that spanking in discipline of children and wives is not unbiblical. I just don't use it on my wife as a form of discipline for myriad reasons.

Nice article! Wonder how this being read in its entirety from the average pulpit in America would go over???
 
th
 
FollowingHim said:
If a man has more flaws than his wife, he would be a hypocrite to focus on hers and discipline her for those, without first correcting the issues in his own life. A man must first focus on improving himself, and then look to improve his wife. Obviously he'll never be perfect either, and can't wait to expect her to improve until he himself is perfect. But within any particular issue, he needs to consider what example he is setting. He can't expect her to manage money well, if he himself does not. He can't expect her to be focussed on her work, if he procrastinates from his own. Etc. The first focus is removing the log from our own eye.
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In all seriousness, I would suggest that these types of statements be for men's eyes/ears only.
 
FollowingHim2 said:
Yes, you read that right, even though it's me that posted it. Surprise!
I normally don't like to get into this, because what I've read on the matter either in online articles or on forums ends up greatly concerning me.
I found this article because a Christian friend of mine on Facebook had commented on the link someone had posted, and was saying how awful it was. It had 130 comments at the time, all from Christians, all putting it down. Yet this is one of the most gentle, well-reasoned articles I have read on this topic. It's well worth a read.
https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/10/03/7-ways-to-discipline-your-wife/
Click to expand...
FollowingHim2 said:
Yes, you read that right, even though it's me that posted it. Surprise!
I normally don't like to get into this, because what I've read on the matter either in online articles or on forums ends up greatly concerning me.
I found this article because a Christian friend of mine on Facebook had commented on the link someone had posted, and was saying how awful it was. It had 130 comments at the time, all from Christians, all putting it down. Yet this is one of the most gentle, well-reasoned articles I have read on this topic. It's well worth a read.
https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/10/03/7-ways-to-discipline-your-wife/
Click to expand...
I really enjoyed this article! Thank you. Shared it with family and friends.
 
windblown said:
In all seriousness, I would suggest that these types of statements be for men's eyes/ears only.
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I disagree. If all we say in public is "women must obey and husbands can discipline them if they don't", and we reserve qualifying statements of when that would actually be appropriate and when it would be hypocritical for the ears of men only, then we will come across as authoritarian and lose credibility with casual readers.

I do see where you are coming from, in that you wouldn't want to hand a woman ammunition to use to argue against her husband. But the Bible is open to all to read, not just men. God does not just instruct one gender in secret from the other. The basic principles of righteous behaviour are clear for all to read, and basic principles are all I am stating here. Specific advice for an individual man would on the other hand be best done in private.

Furthermore, this was posted here by a woman, who specifically wished to discuss it. It is an issue of interest and/or concern to women, so is good to discuss with women. The men may or may not choose to also discuss it in private as well, but only discussing it there would have no value to the original poster, or the many other women who have an interest in or concern about this subject.
 
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"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

Churchill, U.S. Grant, Napolean, Geronimo, Alexander, Moses, Lincoln...the list goes on...are all seen in history as being great leaders who could inspire masses to stare death in the face and go willingly. The majority of patriarchal men on this forum could only dream of being on par with some of history's great leaders.

But, guess what? It is certain that each of these men all had their detractors, and even deserters.

Leadership is only as good as those who are willing to follow. The most inspirational leaders don't get 100% compliance.

The biblical family model of scripture requires a wife willing to submit...period. This is soooo hard in today's modern, feminist culture where "irreconcilable differences" , no fault divorce, and harsh words seen as abuse are commonplace.

True, we men need to step up and be counted worthy of our position as patriarch, but it is up to our spouses to follow the leader.

This is why the picture of husband as a type of Christ in the marriage is so important for us to look at seriously. Even Christ himself laments at how rebellious and stubborn his bride can be.

Don't put the blame all on yourself,men, if your house isn't in complete order. Pray for the wife of your youth to have a spirit of submission, not a spirit of rebellion.
 
FollowingHim said:
I disagree. If all we say in public is "women must obey and husbands can discipline them if they don't", and we reserve qualifying statements of when that would actually be appropriate and when it would be hypocritical for the ears of men only, then we will come across as authoritarian and lose credibility with casual readers.

I do see where you are coming from, in that you wouldn't want to hand a woman ammunition to use to argue against her husband. But the Bible is open to all to read, not just men. God does not just instruct one gender in secret from the other. The basic principles of righteous behaviour are clear for all to read, and basic principles are all I am stating here. Specific advice for an individual man would on the other hand be best done in private.

Furthermore, this was posted here by a woman, who specifically wished to discuss it. It is an issue of interest and/or concern to women, so is good to discuss with women. The men may or may not choose to also discuss it in private as well, but only discussing it there would have no value to the original poster, or the many other women who have an interest in or concern about this subject.
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Hi Samuel, I get where you're coming from being moderator and the OP's husband and all. I was not suggesting Sarah should not have posted or anything of that sort. I'm glad she posted it and I enjoyed reading the article. I love this topic too! Your statement is what I commented on, not hers.

I understand the Bible is open to everyone to read (although I also believe it is mostly written to men). Basic principles are great, as long as the specific principles are in place already (I know too many women who have good "Christian" characteristics but disrespect their husbands). I don't believe a husband, parent, or any other person in authority can wait until their plank is removed to discipline and train those under their authority. Sorry, that sounds ludicrous to me.

I do not like to argue and debate. I just wanted to give a little insight into the mind of a woman. It doesn't take much for Satan to tempt us. It doesn't take but a moment of resentment or disapproval with one's husband to plant that seed. And even for a wife who fervently guards against such temptations (I can't even imagine a rebellious wife's reactions), a statement such as yours easily nurtures that seed. With our culture and sin nature already giving women the perfect growing conditions, it's no wonder the roots are so deep and strong and are impossible to destroy. These days there are sooooo many conversations about men's sins, where's the discussion on women's sins happening? What are we afraid of?

Is patriarchy (which I assume most subscribe to here) not authoritarian? It's too bad we have to water down our conversations for casual readers. Sounds rather churchianity-ish.
 
Man I love my wife.

I'm going to step in here though and point out that this whole thread was an instance of the women venturing out with a weighty and meaty topic and I think it would be a shame if the men hijacked it. I certainly don't want my wife to feel like she can't voice a reasoned opinion without having a pack of theologians descending on her and I'm sure other husbands feel the same way.

If anyone really wants to debate this with windblown then direct your response to me and she will chime in if it's warranted. We are of one mind on this subject.
 
windblown said:
These days there are sooooo many conversations about men's sins, where's the discussion on women's sins happening? What are we afraid of?.
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This is so juicy! Thanks for saying this. All these movies coming from "Christian" Hollywood laying down the guilt trip about how we husbands and fathers are not pulling our fair share of the wagon is really starting to grate on me. The countless books and seminars telling us how horrible we are if we don't go to work for 12 hours a day and then spend another six hours yucking it up with our kids and babying our wives is now going overboard.

I love my wife. She's got dinner waiting for me each night, makes my breakfast, packs my lunch, gives me space after work.....then I serve and love her back when she needs time and space. I cook on weekends and watch the kids for long spells to give her a mental break. But don't guilt me into it!

Yes, we men are to love and lead, but by nature we are not the nurturers and we are not our wife's slave.
 
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