• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

Adding my sister as a sister-wife?

Status
Not open for further replies.
M

maribel

New Member
First of all it was such a relief to find this site. I didn;t even know this existed. I have been struggling with the thought that God may be calling us to add another wife and what I thought was not allowed for christians. Specifically I have thought for some time that my sister may be the person that should be my husbands wife and my sister-wife. We have a very close relationship and he has acted almost as her husband for years.. protecting her, caring for her and we all love each other of course. Their relationship has been chaste of course but i have spoken at different times with both my sister and my husband and we have all expressed a wish that 'if things were different' she would live with us as another wife.

i am looking for advice and counseling as to whether it is permitted? or preferred? for her to marry my husband? I don't mean in the legal sense but in terms of the bible. Any advice or opinions are welcome.

I am so happy to have found this site. It is obvious that you all have put a lot of thought into understanding the godliness of polygamy.

Thanks and god bless.

Maribel
 
i think that is addressed in the tom shipley man and woman in biblical law book that be found on this site, i think under resources. it is very helpful and i think you'll be happy with his take on it! The Lord used sister polygamy as a symbol of his relationship with isreal and judah in Ezekiel and jeremiah i think.
 
i would not presume to advise, but it sounds like this situation has the potential (with much emphasis on the word potential) to be a real blessing.
by all means, get tom's book and enjoy reading about the truth
 
Welcome Maribel, glad you found us.
The link to Tom's book can be found here: http://www.biblicalfamilies.org/links.php

Of course the one verse in question is Leviticus 18:18 - don't take your wife's sister as a "rival", or "to vex" her, in most translations. Tom get's into more detail about how that could involve a barren wife. Most of us at Biblical Families, I believe, would agree that if you are giving your blessing, and are in no way "vexed", this prohibition wouldn't apply to your situation.

Look forward to hearing more from you.
 
Thank you all so much for your replies, I was so happy to read and understand how polgamy can be part of gods plan for us. I shared this information with my sister and my husband and i think we are all in a state of shock and happiness. It turns out we had all been praying about this for a long time... trying to figure out what gods plan was for us. My husband kissed my sister on the mouth for the first time last night and we were all smiling and shedding tears of happiness and relief I think.

What I have been looking for on here is what do we do next? how does my husband marry my sister? We want to do this in a holy way and so obviously my sister can not be intimate with my husband or move in with us until they are married. Id appreciate it if someone could point us in the right direction..

deliriously happy, excited and scared,

Maribel
 
i do not mean to spoil the moment but i would start with sitting down and list the expectations that each person has for the relationship. just a few things might be;

health ins
life ins
children
finances

the jews took their time and made a katubah which is basicaly a pre-nup spelling out what the expectations were. it is also the first will

no need to rush things, you have plenty of time to consider what your household should/will look like. it is like starting a small business (organize it as best you can or it will run you) (act in haste, repent at leisure)

this is just a place to start, i am sure that others will chime in about the ceremony (specialy da goils)
 
Dear Maribel,

I am Ali and am Steve's wife, and we just recently joined the site. I wanted to tell you that the sweetness of your heart toward your sister and the celebration that you feel in their first kiss is an example to everyone in this community. I first encountered a widow in a plural marriage in 1998 when we first went to the mission field in Mexico, and when she told me that SHE was the one who went to her husband re: marrying her sister, I was blown away in a good sense. I kept coming back to her testimony when we first felt the press of the Spirit toward plural marriage and I was really struggling with it. We trust that you will all receive divine wisdom as to how to proceed and hammer out the details, nuts and bolts of life together and that you'll just "know in your knower" when it is the right time to have the ceremony.

I have spoken at length with a sister wife who had their ceremony at one of the Biblical Family retreats, with the whole community there to witness and celebrate with them. I think that sounds utterly cool! Before I had my big breakthrough re: plural marriage and its wondrous possibilites,(the breakthrough having occurred in Jan '05 while I was in Iraq,) I had a vision, which like the testimony of the woman in Mexico, I kept coming back to whenever I felt like Steve had gone nuts and had hit midlife crisis on steroids. I saw myself preparing a lovely tray, like a room service tray, and taking it to my husband and new sister wife on the morning after their marriage. It hasn't happened yet, but it is a joy to be able to finally say I am looking forward to it.

May you feel surrounded by the fulness of Yeshua's love as you proceed!

Ali Turner
 
Leviticus 18:18 (New King James Version)
18 Nor shall you take a woman as a rival to her sister, to uncover her nakedness while the other is alive.



i am guessing the word RIVAL is key here, it certainly doesnt say you cant take a sister of your wife as a wife, but there seems to be a strong warning about ones motives
 
Hi jwh - I did comment on your verse - see the 4th post in this thread.
 
Re: Lev 18:18

I agree fully with Nathan.

I'll even go a step farther, and suggest that ANYTIME we read a "law" like this, we oughta try to put ourselvees in God's place, in His heart, looking at the situation from His viewpoint, and try to understand what He was/is trying to convey. That means that our starting point ALWAYS has to be Love, and especially, compassion.

With that in mind, let me paraphrase, Leviticus 18:18, Cecil Edition: "Dude! Your wife and her sister were siblings for 18-20+ years! They never DID get along, but were always in bitter competition. Spending the rest of their lives stuck in the same mess would be flat out MEAN! Don't Do That! 20 years trying was long enough! Let the poor dears find some peace apart! Sheez!!!"

The present situation clearly differs. Since God was silent on it, as a specific, I feel free to start from the same point of compassion and offer this apocryphal, paraphrased remark, again Cecil Edition: "Dude! Your wife and her sister are lifelong best friends! They aren't happy unless they see and talk to each other every bloomin' day! Get a clue! Making them marry different men, only to have one family move across the country, would be flat out MEAN! Don't Do That! Let the poor dears quit worrying. PROPOSE! Sheez!!!"

Whaddaya think? Does that sound like God to you? ;)
 
Interesting, I never saw it that way but it makes sense, as Rachel and Leah were sisters. So rivalry seems to be the determining factor, not whether they are physical sisters or not.
 
Cecil. YES that's excellent! I see it the same way...very well put!!!! Boy this is a good board!
 
ty for the input guys, like i said, i "figured" rival was a key word
i guess that word of rival for "sisters" in christ too, if they bicker, its prob not a good idea to get them married to the same guy
 
jwh said:
i guess that word of rival for "sisters" in christ too, if they bicker, its prob not a good idea to get them married to the same guy
Click to expand...

*grin* Ideally, yes. But what if obedience to the Levirite makes you marry someone who doesn't get along?

This is purely opinion, but if your existing wife is supportive of PM, and yet senses bad chemistry between her and another, I would see that as one of those "slow down and hold position -- danger ahead" flags they wave at the car races. Maybe it is just initial fear or unfamiliarity and will pass. Maybe it is the woman's intuition that says, "Something isn't right with this woman."

20 years of experience with a sibling? No reason to doubt the conclusion. 20 minutes of face to face, well, you oughta pay attention, but don't feel obliged to pass a final judgment unless it is glaringly obvious. But don't follow your hormones if it GETS real obvious.

A while back, Cindy and I worked for a while at the same company in SC. There was a single mom there who I found interesting, and thought she might reciprocate. Well, she did. She was asking me to get involved and act as a dad to her son. She seemed nice enough to Cindy in front of me. But then Cindy happened to walk into the bathroom and found her in front of the mirror saying, "What does he want HER for? I'd make him a lots better wife! I'm gonna get him!" :eek:

Then she saw Cindy, turned as read as someone of her racial background can, and hurried out. As you can imagine, that nixed that! Not the attitude to bring into a peace-loving family.
 
I think we all agree here that the correct interpretation of Lev 18:18 has to do with vexing a sister and is not an outright prohibition. Maybe someone should clue-in Don Milton.
 
I have been struggling with the thought that God may be calling us to add another wife and what I thought was not allowed for christians.
Click to expand...

I found it hard to pass up your reference to "Christians." The Council of Trent (16th Century) banned all polygamy for Christians and the Protestant Reformation did not dispute that ruling. So, I guess if you're a Christian you can't follow your heart's desire. On the other hand I might point out that God's Law was not given to Christians, but to Israel and Gentiles willing to accept Israel's Messiah. First century disciples of Yeshua never called themselves "Christian." The term was invented by their critics and adopted by the Roman government as a convenient label for persecution. It wasn't until the second century that the Church began using "Christian" to identify its members in its effort to separate itself from Judaism. So, there is nothing in God's Word that would forbid two sisters of one mind being married to the same man if the parties worship the God of Israel. ;)

One last thing. On the subject of weddings. The Bible knows nothing of weddings, only marriage celebrations. There is no biblical requirement for a formal wedding. (Consider Matthew 5:37) Before the Torah was given a man simply "took" the woman of his choice with her consent into a tent and consummated. They were then considered married. After Torah was given Jews adopted a betrothal process and marriage agreement between parents, if living. It wasn't until the second century before Yeshua that Jews began using a written marriage contract (ketubah) prepared by a rabbi and signed by two witnesses. Although this practice was not required by the written Torah, I do agree with the suggestion to discuss expectations and be clear about financial matters before consummation.
 
QMCO5: (btw, is there a pronouncable NAME to go with this handle that we could use? :) )

Martin Luther wrote in De Wette, II, p. 459, "I confess that I cannot
forbid a person to marry several wives, for it does not contradict
the Scripture. If a man wishes to marry more than one wife, he should
be asked whether he is satisfied in his conscience that he may do so
in accordance with the word of God. In such a case, the civil
authority has nothing to do in such a matter."

That is but a taste. Actually, the Reformation DID deal with PM, positively, numerous times. As well as other, negative re-inforcements.

Kinda off-topic, but interesting. I'm enjoying your posts.
 
I am aware that Luther approved of bigamy in certain cases (according to the Christian Polygamy Sourcebook) and a few other Protestant leaders approved of polygamy (e.g., John Milton, Martin Madan, and Wesley Hall), but no Protestant denomination has issued a ruling overturning the decision by the Council of Trent. If you know of one, I would be interested.

As for a handle some call me "Q," which shortens QMCO5 and I think is kind of cool (ala Star Trek), some call me Colonel, some call me Professor, some call me Clovis, some call me... well, better not go there. (No point in giving credence to petty vulgarisms.) A Jewish name I’ve decided to adopt is Baruch ben Z’kharyah. So, take your pick. My login handle has served me well for a long time on a variety of forums, so I’ll stick with it.
 
Protestant denominations are for the most part rooted much to shallowly to think about the Council of Trent, if any denomination did come around to polygamy it would be seen as out of nothing or getting back to the Bible, and probably would not mention said council even in passing. I doubt even the somewhat deeply rooted and organized Lutherans consider it today.

For the most part the shallow rootlessness is a bad thing, but it does mean that the council of Trent itself is not at all compelling as an argument against polygamy for protestant or reformed churches.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top