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Adding wife for noneconomic needs

Elijahsfire

Elijahsfire

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Male
I dont want this to be a rehash of polygamy for economic survival thread but instead i want to add my familys perspective. If you read my introduction you would have seen the part about us possibly adding a wife to our family for other reasons beside the normal ones. My family has a unique situation of which we are in need. We have two sweet boys one of which has special needs. We have no family, faith community is scattered, child care is expensive but really doesn t cover us, we both need to work for now, no "government help:and moving is not a solution. I won't bore you with the details of the difficulty this has given us but it is a bit of a rats nest. Before you think we are looking for a glorified babysitter, think again. We need a real help meet, someone to work around the changing dynamic and chaos that is a family.
This brings me to what I was really wanting to get at. Some may scoff at what I propose but amoung some there seems to be a divide between marrying for love and out of need. This requires some explanation. When we first started discussing plural again I begin to get the feeling that this might a means to help our family and help lift some of burdens. I prayed about it asked God if he sent us someone she would fit a certain criteria but most of all should would love us enough to be our help and I would love her just as my first wife. Someone that would be willing to join us and fill a certain role would be one incredible act of love. What started with what became looking for help would become marrying for love. What is wrong with that?
Fast forward, I recently had a very close female friend who I introduced to the idea of plural marriage after she admitted she loved me and love my family. She tearfully said she wanted to be part of my family and be the help we needed in a wife. I explain to that her role didn't have to be so rigid and she may choose to work or something at some point but I was so impressed and I love her for it very much. Lord willing, she will be joining us very soon and I know she will be a blessing to us.
Anyway, I'm going to cut myself off. Any thoughts or experiences of your own?
 
Structurally, building a family is a lot like building a business. You start on your own, if you're good at what you do at some point you're going to need a helper, and if you're good at doing something and good at managing other people, you're going to add more personnel as you go. And as problems arise you'll add other personnel whose function is to solve or at least mitigate the problem.

The world trains us to chase money, Jesus tells us to be content with food and clothing and seek love, but the principle of building an organization remains the same. I think what you're describing sounds great, and congrats!
 
Congratulations. That's what I'm looking towards for my family. Every one having a role in the family but at the same time being a family.
 
andrew said:
Structurally, building a family is a lot like building a business. You start on your own, if you're good at what you do at some point you're going to need a helper, and if you're good at doing something and good at managing other people, you're going to add more personnel as you go. And as problems arise you'll add other personnel whose function is to solve or at least mitigate the problem.

The world trains us to chase money, Jesus tells us to be content with food and clothing and seek love, but the principle of building an organization remains the same. I think what you're describing sounds great, and congrats!
Click to expand...

Yes! I am so reminded of when I worked for a small family owned business. I was brought to fill a need but there was a genuine love for eachother like we were all in the same family. Such a good experience! I'm very excited to what my literal family will be able to achieve together as we move forward. I discuss my and our dreams with my more than potential wife daily and I basically required when we first started talking that she catch on to the vision I have for the family as we consider everyones desires. I do feel kind of like a manager now but way better of course; )
 
Exactly. I see it like this: In the corporate world, you put together the team that can make the most money, and then try to have the best relationships you can under the circumstances. In the tribal community, you put together the team that loves and supports each other no matter what, and then try to make as much money as you can under the circumstances! :cool:

Actually, for the tribe it's more about being productive doing rewarding work and living within your means than it is about "making money", but that's another thread....
 
And don't forget about adding a wife to help you in your labor for the Kingdom of God. In that instance, there is love, but foremost for the Savior and his commission for you. The earthly love is secondary.
 
I agree, there's no real limit to the reasons why one would have a/another wife. period. There was a thread that went the rounds a while ago and it's final consensus was.... wait for it.... E) all the above.
 
andrew said:
Exactly. I see it like this: In the corporate world, you put together the team that can make the most money, and then try to have the best relationships you can under the circumstances. In the tribal community, you put together the team that loves and supports each other no matter what, and then try to make as much money as you can under the circumstances! :cool:

Actually, for the tribe it's more about being productive doing rewarding work and living within your means than it is about "making money", but that's another thread....
Click to expand...

Congratulations @Elijahsfire On finding another good thing! :)

I have a comment here relating to Andrew's post.
I personally think when money is the focus, something is lacking.
My hubby has been staying busy, and making money with zero paid advertising. His focus is on doing a top quality job, and achieving 100% customer satisfaction, even if it means not charging anything if the customer is not happy (That has only happened once).
People giving you a good review, and talking you up, is the absolute best way to build a business.
One of the obvious advantages is he spends less time by far biding jobs he doesn't get, and I think there would be a parallel there for building a family by adding a wife. If the focus is on getting the wife, something is probably lacking, and you may spend a lot in wasted advertising costs (we goofed big time one year, and trusted the dex (yellow pages) sales rep. Cost over $24,000.00 and got the business ZERO jobs) but if the focus is on building a family that is strong and supportive, the wife may find you through all the good that is spoken of you.

I know, you all have said the same thing many times, and many ways. This is basically just me agreeing. :)
 
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Congratulations from me, too! Many blessings to your growing family.

Also, I have found this thread very interesting....have enjoyed all the postings.
 
Elijahsfire said:
I dont want this to be a rehash of polygamy for economic survival thread but instead i want to add my familys perspective. If you read my introduction you would have seen the part about us possibly adding a wife to our family for other reasons beside the normal ones. My family has a unique situation of which we are in need. We have two sweet boys one of which has special needs. We have no family, faith community is scattered, child care is expensive but really doesn t cover us, we both need to work for now, no "government help:and moving is not a solution. I won't bore you with the details of the difficulty this has given us but it is a bit of a rats nest. Before you think we are looking for a glorified babysitter, think again. We need a real help meet, someone to work around the changing dynamic and chaos that is a family.
This brings me to what I was really wanting to get at. Some may scoff at what I propose but amoung some there seems to be a divide between marrying for love and out of need. This requires some explanation. When we first started discussing plural again I begin to get the feeling that this might a means to help our family and help lift some of burdens. I prayed about it asked God if he sent us someone she would fit a certain criteria but most of all should would love us enough to be our help and I would love her just as my first wife. Someone that would be willing to join us and fill a certain role would be one incredible act of love. What started with what became looking for help would become marrying for love. What is wrong with that?
Fast forward, I recently had a very close female friend who I introduced to the idea of plural marriage after she admitted she loved me and love my family. She tearfully said she wanted to be part of my family and be the help we needed in a wife. I explain to that her role didn't have to be so rigid and she may choose to work or something at some point but I was so impressed and I love her for it very much. Lord willing, she will be joining us very soon and I know she will be a blessing to us.
Anyway, I'm going to cut myself off. Any thoughts or experiences of your own?
Click to expand...
Thanks for making me smile. My only thought is Hallelujah!
perhaps this traditional b'rachah is appropriate achi?
ברוך אתה ה' אלקינו מלך-העולם אשר שומע תפילה
Blessed are you Adonai Our G-d Who hears prayer
 
Congratulations!

And there is NOTHING wrong in adding to your family to make the family stronger so long as you return love to your new wife.

God bless you all!

Megan
 
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