Advice on polygamy and the mother Inlaw

Discussion in 'Seekers' started by Rt29palms, Nov 7, 2013.

  1. Rt29palms

    Rt29palms Member

    I am in need of some advice. I have always been a believer in polygamy, I am a Christian however, I am not LDS or FLDS. I am simply a Christian, I have been with my wife for 20 years and we have 4 beautiful children. My wife agreed and we courted a girl for some time but it did not work out due to she was not faithful, and many other things to add but won't go into to long story. My wife still misses her and I know that polygamy is in her heart however she is afraid that her mom will disown her as the topic has come up a few times, her mom is not very forgiving and has been married 8 times. My wife loves her mom and has told me she could not live a lie and not tell her mom but if she did not have a mom this is the life she would live. Knowing how much my wife loves her mom, and also knowing that since we lived a plural relationship for more than a year and after that ended something is missing inside my wife and she is also afraid to put herself out there like that again however, I do not think I can replace what is missing inside her. "She really loved her as a sister wife" but the other girl did not love my wife as a sister wife she loved the game, and to me/us it is not a game this is family, love and unity. So my main question if anyone can help is how can or do I help her to get over her mom? She is very important to her. Also very controlling, and really knows how to bring my wife down whenever she wants. Any suggestions?
     
  2. eternitee

    eternitee Active Member Female

    lol.....the Mom has no intention of losing her daughter over this issue.

    Your daughter needs to lead her life as she feels it is supposed to be and you will be surprised at how fast Mom gets on board. Mom may kick, scream, fuss, but once she realizes it has no power to change the outcomes she will very quickly come around.

    Phew...step one out of the way.

    Step 2 - it is important that you keep marriage issues within the marriage and do not involve Mom. The new sisterwife does not need to be subjected to Mom's opinions. It is not deceiving, it is being discreet.

    oh - and welcome :) it is good to have you here.
     
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  3. Rt29palms

    Rt29palms Member

    Thank u. But her mom has already disowned her other daughter and has not spoke to her in more than 9 years. But we must live our lives and thank u for your advice it is good to be here
     
  4. steve

    steve Esteemed Member Male

    you say that as if it were a bad thing ;)
    seriously, it is clear in scripture that we leave our parents and cleave to one another in the newly created family. this is the reason that the father "gives the bride away". this mother obviously does not want to let go and let her live her own life with you.

    exactly
    live your lives in fear of the Almighty, not in fear of your mother-in-law
     
    rustywest4 likes this.
  5. mystic

    mystic Well-Known Member Male

    Re: Advice on polygamy and the mother-in-law

    Right on, eternitee and steve!
     
    rustywest4 likes this.
  6. Rt29palms

    Rt29palms Member

    Yes we must live our lives, and leave our parents. I agree 100% just need to get my wife to understand that. She says but we also must honor them. I say yes we must but we do you understand that "we" must live our lives the way we want and just think did your mom live her life the way her mom wanted to? No your mom is very judging and hostile any parent that can treat their kids the way she does is not someone I want to run my life. Thanks for the advice Steve I have a long way to go and must figure out how to cut the cord.
     
  7. Joe386

    Joe386 Member

    I believe in the "Leave and cleave" taught in scripture. I also believe in honoring my father and mother principle. I have three kids that are grown and to look at it from the other side, the best way for my kids to honor me is to live the values and live honorably as to exemplify qualities they were raise with. Maybe, just maybe the mother-in-law feels her daughter by being in a plural marriage is not living up to how she was raised. A good way to address this is to 1st. Remind the daughter she is now the wife and has as her first obligation to concern herself with her own family first. The method of honoring your parents changes as your rolls in life changes from child, to adult, to parent and finally to grandparent. Honoring takes different forms. By being the best wife and mother an one day grandmother is the very best way to honor her mom. 2nd She needs to find a way to explain all this to her mother. Reassure her mother that she is living her life with all the values she was raise with.
    Anyway, this is my opinion which isn't worth much. But if it helps just a little, then it is worth it. God Bless
     
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  8. Rt29palms

    Rt29palms Member

    Thank you. My wife tried to explain it to her mom but her mom has a hot temper and is very stubborn she told my wife she will go to hell, and that its not gods way. She is very judging. Thank you for your advice it does help I am taking pieces of everyone's input and going to try and put it together. I have always known I was a polygamist, also I feel it's my calling, and I pray and ask GOD everyday but it is always the same, I honestly feel like I am going against GOD by living the way I do. I try and be a good husband and I know I can be better, and I love my wife with all my heart and have never seen with my own eyes someone as beautiful as she is. I also try to be a good dad to my kids and I know I could do much better. Sometimes I wish God would change my heart, and tell me that I am ment for one woman but he does not tell me that. So I just go day by day and I admire everyone that stands up for what they believe in and lives their lives the way God wants them to and not how the people down the road want them to. God bless you all and thank you.
     
  9. pdmyv

    pdmyv New Member Female

     
  10. pdmyv

    pdmyv New Member Female

    You sound very familiar... so do your conversations..
     
  11. Mojo

    Mojo Esteemed Member Male

    Hello friend. If you click on the name of a poster, you can see the activity profile. The particular poster you are seeing has not been on here since 2014. I doubt you will see a response. Good luck.

    Welcome to the site!
     
  12. kansascpl

    kansascpl New Member Female

    Some of the hardest decisions I ever had to make was to distance myself from my parents. "Honor thy father and mother" is a stickler for me - how could I honor them if I didn't talk to them???
    But then I realized that "honor" doesn't necessarily mean "do exactly what they tell you" or "live your life exactly how they want you to". It means to be the best person they raised you to be - even if they can't see it. I AM honoring them by taking their lessons and lives and learning from them, and making mine to be the best I can.
    Think of all the trailblazers in history - did George Washington honor his country by rebelling against the King? YES - because he was doing what he believed was right, in as much accordance with the laws as he could.
    At the end of the day, we must honor God, our heavenly Father, above our earthly parents. His word and teachings will lead us in the right direction; honoring Him means we, by default, honor our earthly parents, too.
    Good luck!
     
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