nancypants90
New Member
I love my family
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Re: Need some answers...
Hi Nancypants90, welcome to Biblical Families.
You have asked for thoughts on how to approach it better, so here goes:
1. Spend time honouring and respecting wife number 1, who is perhaps 10-20 years old than you and would naturally feel threatened by the young and pretty nanny possibly becoming a "wife".
2. Create some separation, physical and emotional, between yourself and the husband, so that you can see if you have the potential for a genuine marriage relationship here, and not just the natural desire that comes from living in close proximity to a member of the opposite sex.
3. Make a clear commitment to the wife to not engage in any physical relations with the husband until there is full consent from her to a marriage, and an actual marriage, and respect that commitment.
4. Ask the husband to obtain formal consent to the marriage from your father or custodian.
5. Ask the husband to prepare a clear marriage agreement and possibly pre-nuptial contract where all roles are spelled out clearly, including the position of assets existing prior to marriage; and the post-marriage childcare arrangements.
There are my answers to your question. And my answer to your possibly unasked question "will things work out for me?"- without completing at least some of the steps I have outlined above, based upon my observation of other posts (but no personal experience), I rate the chances of success for any 'marriage' in the brief circumstances you have described here as close to zero.
ylop
monagamist sympathiser
Hi Nancypants90, welcome to Biblical Families.
You have asked for thoughts on how to approach it better, so here goes:
1. Spend time honouring and respecting wife number 1, who is perhaps 10-20 years old than you and would naturally feel threatened by the young and pretty nanny possibly becoming a "wife".
2. Create some separation, physical and emotional, between yourself and the husband, so that you can see if you have the potential for a genuine marriage relationship here, and not just the natural desire that comes from living in close proximity to a member of the opposite sex.
3. Make a clear commitment to the wife to not engage in any physical relations with the husband until there is full consent from her to a marriage, and an actual marriage, and respect that commitment.
4. Ask the husband to obtain formal consent to the marriage from your father or custodian.
5. Ask the husband to prepare a clear marriage agreement and possibly pre-nuptial contract where all roles are spelled out clearly, including the position of assets existing prior to marriage; and the post-marriage childcare arrangements.
There are my answers to your question. And my answer to your possibly unasked question "will things work out for me?"- without completing at least some of the steps I have outlined above, based upon my observation of other posts (but no personal experience), I rate the chances of success for any 'marriage' in the brief circumstances you have described here as close to zero.
ylop
monagamist sympathiser
Re: Need some answers...
Great Advice. Take it. Happiness can't be built on fear and mistrust. No matter what people may say or wish, if everyone doesn't come into the relationship happy and positively you're just creating a very bad living situation and who wants to deal with that day after day for perhaps years.
Trust and respect are words to take to heart. How would you feel if you were in her shoes?
Great Advice. Take it. Happiness can't be built on fear and mistrust. No matter what people may say or wish, if everyone doesn't come into the relationship happy and positively you're just creating a very bad living situation and who wants to deal with that day after day for perhaps years.
Trust and respect are words to take to heart. How would you feel if you were in her shoes?
Re: Need some answers...
I would caution about the way the "first wife" is being talked about here. What is going to be her impression if she visits this forum for support and because she is wanting to give this a fair shake? I don't think she would like to come to a message board and see a potential family member talking about her being an "overthinker" and the sexual relationship between her and her husband. Finding this post would almost guarantee that she would NOT choose to be all bubbly about nanny joining the family.
How would you feel if you came here to post your question and found that she already was a member here and has posted about the nanny that is a non thinker, not mature enough to handle marriage, or smart enough to know that some things you just don't say in public? Nanny is not a part of the family, but is telling us about their private sex life. :shock:
Which brings up another thing.
How do you know that the wife does not "put out" when his needs are "high", and how do you know that his needs get "high"? Why is a husband talking to the nanny about not being satisfied with his wife and his sexual appetite?
Or is the wife telling you this?
nancypants90 said:
I would caution about the way the "first wife" is being talked about here. What is going to be her impression if she visits this forum for support and because she is wanting to give this a fair shake? I don't think she would like to come to a message board and see a potential family member talking about her being an "overthinker" and the sexual relationship between her and her husband. Finding this post would almost guarantee that she would NOT choose to be all bubbly about nanny joining the family.
How would you feel if you came here to post your question and found that she already was a member here and has posted about the nanny that is a non thinker, not mature enough to handle marriage, or smart enough to know that some things you just don't say in public? Nanny is not a part of the family, but is telling us about their private sex life. :shock:
Which brings up another thing.
How do you know that the wife does not "put out" when his needs are "high", and how do you know that his needs get "high"? Why is a husband talking to the nanny about not being satisfied with his wife and his sexual appetite?
Or is the wife telling you this?
Re: Need some answers...
Great answer Paul. You have hit the nail on the head. I have learned first hand we haveto be careful what we say to people or about people when it comes to posting on here. We must consider other people may join and have there eels hurt or there family threatened by what someonehas posted. Nancy just take your time andpray and make sure you are respectful to wife one. Never know when the shoe will be on the other foot. I will pray you handle this with Gods help.
Thanks,
James
Great answer Paul. You have hit the nail on the head. I have learned first hand we haveto be careful what we say to people or about people when it comes to posting on here. We must consider other people may join and have there eels hurt or there family threatened by what someonehas posted. Nancy just take your time andpray and make sure you are respectful to wife one. Never know when the shoe will be on the other foot. I will pray you handle this with Gods help.
Thanks,
James