Support Becoming the second wife...

[susiekimmyblue]

Hello all,

I have been with my partner for 6 years, and as he is an extreme joke-ster I have always assumed that when he said he had another woman and kids, I thought it was a joke. Then recently as he was on a phone call, he was explaining to the other person on the call that he lived with 3 other people. After the phone call, it was made clear to me that he had a wife and 2 kids. When i asked what ages they were, it was then i found out that their second child was born when we were together. I felt that i have been betrayed and cheated on.

This entire time I assumed my partner and I to be an exclusive marriage between 1 man and 1 wife, but it seems all along that my partner wants more than 1 wife. My partner tells me that if I accept my place before God, then i will find peace. I am currently in the stages of finding that peace, and accepting this circumstance that God has put me in.

In these 6 years I have never been to his home or met any of his family members, and never asked as i thought it was not my place to ask. I found everything to be quite shocking, and made me turn to a spiral of evil thoughts. Wanting to hurt myself. wanting to be alone forever. But i was also extremely frustrated because I vowed to God to never leave this man.

I have never met the first wife or children yet, but recently i have reached out to the first wife and her reaction wasn't so great. I thought she would accept me with open arms, but it seems she needs some time. I thought my partner had already prepared her for this lifestyle as they have been together for more than 20 years but i guess she is still not ready. He tells me to be patient with her.

Any advice from any second wives out there? I am still in the process of accepting the fact that I am in a polygamous marriage.

God bless.

 

[Joleneakamama]

Any advice from any second wives out there?

Well, I'm not a second. I am very glad you are here though, and looking for support through this time.

I was the less common sort of first wife that liked the idea, and through the years of talking with people about it I learned that most women don't want to even think about it and just can't relate. I saw many come here who unintentionally found themselves dealing with the "other woman" and I'd just kind of shake my head and wonder why such things happened to people who felt that was a nightmare....and not to someone like me who wished for that.

Last year a sweet brave wonderful woman said yes and became my husband's second.

I suggest you look at the thread "Peeling the Onion" for insights into the common challenges a first wife faces. In many ways those will be your challenges as well since you were under the impression you were an only/first wife for six years.

I pray that you will all be able to work toward understanding and forgiveness. This can be a lovely and supportive way to live, you all are just off to a rough and unintentional start.

 

[julieb]

I pray that you will all be able to work toward understanding and forgiveness. This can be a lovely and supportive way to live, you all are just off to a rough and unintentional start

I, too, am sorry you had to start off this way, I pray that your husband will step up in his desire to lead both of you ladies to a good place. @Joleneakamama is very correct in saying that it can be a lovely and supportive way to live if you all are walking in the same direction concerning Biblical marriage. I encourage you to not focus on what your husband hasn't done in the past but pray for his ability to be a strong and Godly leader in the future for your family. I also encourage you to focus on growing your relationship with God, and start focusing on the areas you need to make better so you can be a positive support to your husband as he walks in what God has for him.

I hope you will find some good information, thoughts and encouragement here. We look forward to getting to know you better.

 

[MeganC]

Any advice from any second wives out there?

I'm a plural but I do not know anyone who has come into poly like you have. You are in my prayers.

The best advice I can offer is since you are trying to make this work is I recommend encouraging your husband (that's what he is) to join this community and to learn from the good men on this site who have made poly work in their families.