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birthorder and adult relationships
- Thread starter ginger2
- Start date
I won't deny the three personality types exsist, I dont think our personalities always fall into place with birth order but I do think that the dynamic of our place in the family is effected by our birth order. Theirs good traits and bad traits.
The Firstborn Child: The Achiever
I think that a first wife who is older than the rest may fall into this catagory.
If you are a eldest/firstwife, you are probably a high achiever who seeks approval, dominates and is that perfectionist who uses up all of the oxygen in the room. As a sisterwife, you probably try to dominate your sibs. The problem is that when wife number two arrives, you will also experience a sense of loss. By losing your seat on the familial throne, you also lose the special place that singularity holds. All of the attention that was exclusively yours must now be shared by you and your sisterwife.
The Middle Child: The Peacemaker
If you are a secondwife/same age range, you are probably understanding, cooperative and flexible, yet competitive. You are concerned with fairness. In fact, as a second wife, you are likely to pick an intimate circle with in the family, the children to develope strong bonds with. It is here that you will find the attention when you are feeling like your are lacking it from your husband. You and your elder/ the firstwife will never excel at the same thing. But those wonderful social skills that you have learned as the secondwife negotiating and navigating within your family structure — can prepare you for anything.
The Youngest Child: The Life of the Party
If you’re the youngest and or third wife, your husband is already confident in his role as Patriarch, and therefore bumps aren't necessarily as bad. His attention is divided between you and your other sisterwives. Thus, you’ve learned how to win over the crowd with charm and likability.
As the youngest wife/third wife, you have more freedom than the other siblings and, in a sense, are more independent. As a third wife, you also have a lot in common with your oldest sibling, as both of you have been made to feel special and entitled. Your range of influence extends throughout your family, which supports you both emotionally and physically. Hence, you experience a sense of place and security.
I only have one wife but I people watch and from the interactions I've had with a few of the wonderful, beautiful plural families here at BF this is what I observed. Even the negative aspects don't seem as bad as they do reading them.
The Firstborn Child: The Achiever
I think that a first wife who is older than the rest may fall into this catagory.
If you are a eldest/firstwife, you are probably a high achiever who seeks approval, dominates and is that perfectionist who uses up all of the oxygen in the room. As a sisterwife, you probably try to dominate your sibs. The problem is that when wife number two arrives, you will also experience a sense of loss. By losing your seat on the familial throne, you also lose the special place that singularity holds. All of the attention that was exclusively yours must now be shared by you and your sisterwife.
The Middle Child: The Peacemaker
If you are a secondwife/same age range, you are probably understanding, cooperative and flexible, yet competitive. You are concerned with fairness. In fact, as a second wife, you are likely to pick an intimate circle with in the family, the children to develope strong bonds with. It is here that you will find the attention when you are feeling like your are lacking it from your husband. You and your elder/ the firstwife will never excel at the same thing. But those wonderful social skills that you have learned as the secondwife negotiating and navigating within your family structure — can prepare you for anything.
The Youngest Child: The Life of the Party
If you’re the youngest and or third wife, your husband is already confident in his role as Patriarch, and therefore bumps aren't necessarily as bad. His attention is divided between you and your other sisterwives. Thus, you’ve learned how to win over the crowd with charm and likability.
As the youngest wife/third wife, you have more freedom than the other siblings and, in a sense, are more independent. As a third wife, you also have a lot in common with your oldest sibling, as both of you have been made to feel special and entitled. Your range of influence extends throughout your family, which supports you both emotionally and physically. Hence, you experience a sense of place and security.
I only have one wife but I people watch and from the interactions I've had with a few of the wonderful, beautiful plural families here at BF this is what I observed. Even the negative aspects don't seem as bad as they do reading them.
I've always thought there was merit I the birth order thing if it was kept in perspective.
I was the oldest of five daughters in my birth family. I read what @Kevin wrote about oldest/first and had to think only some applies. For example, it was the sis just younger then me that was more bossy, or assertive with her ideas, and even 'told' me what to do much of the time, and from an early age.
Hubby would probably like me to be more dominating, or authoritative with our children, but I wasnt raised by that sort of parents, and so being that way doesn't come easy to me.
That said, perspective is an interesting concept. I'm sure you meant it as "Don't make a religion out if birth order observations," but the other thing I see is that the way I see or perceive myself may be very different from what someone else might see in me. It's always interesting when someone gives an honest and trustable overview of the "you" that they see.
the second paragraph of jolenes post reminded me of something interesting:
www.signaltree.org/images/johariwindow.png
www.signaltree.org/images/johariwindow.png
Can't ya just hear Zec sittin in his wooden rocking chair on the front porch mumbling this through his Georgian beard?
You have to shout through the beard Rusty!
That's because it's so thick and manly. No ordinary beard will do for the most interesting man of the South.
"I don't always drink beer, but when I do...I have to get pruning sheers to get it through my mane!"
Remember the Dos Equis guy???
when i started the topic, i did not know that others might view the birth order characteristics so differently sometimes
and i wasnt sure if kevin wrote that or it came from a book or something with the highlights and all.
i have three siblings that grew up closely with each other, being only one and two years apart, the one in the middle was actually the comic relief (also most difficult to raise), rather than the youngest child.
iv got to thinking about another dynamic that has a heavy effect, and that is the age of the child when the next sibling arrives. i did some research once and it seems that children two years apart have the least peaceful relationships in general.
better if the next one comes along sooner or later than the two year mark, probly having to do with the changing psychology at that age, awareness heightened beyond maturity ... toughest time for the youngest to give up his position in the family ranks
sometimes leading to a childhood of big brother beating on little brother ( which leads to little brother having issues as a grown man) ... at least in this case
and i wasnt sure if kevin wrote that or it came from a book or something with the highlights and all.
i have three siblings that grew up closely with each other, being only one and two years apart, the one in the middle was actually the comic relief (also most difficult to raise), rather than the youngest child.
iv got to thinking about another dynamic that has a heavy effect, and that is the age of the child when the next sibling arrives. i did some research once and it seems that children two years apart have the least peaceful relationships in general.
better if the next one comes along sooner or later than the two year mark, probly having to do with the changing psychology at that age, awareness heightened beyond maturity ... toughest time for the youngest to give up his position in the family ranks
sometimes leading to a childhood of big brother beating on little brother ( which leads to little brother having issues as a grown man) ... at least in this case
I remembered some things from a Family psychology class I took and through out what I disagreed with and tried to adapt it to a PM situation.