Brokenhearted.

[kacylynn]

Hi all, I am new to this group but am really enjoying it so far! You all seem very supportive of each other and I appreciate that. My husband and I have been searching for wife #2 for about 3 years now. I have had a very strong calling to be a plural wife for the past few years and I would say it grows stronger everyday. I am 110% sure this life is meant for me, I have no doubt in the Lord's plan for my life. My husband feels the same, he is a natural giver and is a wonderful, faithful husband and friend. While I introduced the idea of a polygamous marriage, he feels as strongly as I do now that this is meant to be our destiny. However finding a sisterwife has not been an easy or painless process. I am currently recovering from our latest "breakup" from someone he was dating for over a year. I don't want to go into a lot of sordid detail here, but basically he feels he can't trust her to be faithful to him and told her it was over last week. Her and I had been spending time together recently, shopping, going to the gym, and just hanging out and getting to know each other. As you all can imagine I was completely devestated when he told me he wasn't going to be seeing her anymore. Of course I got very attached to her, as I was hoping she was the One. I have been crying off and on all week. This is the second time I have been through this (a breakup) but this one is definitely the worst. I just have to wonder why finding someone to love and that can love us has to be so hard and painful? My husband tells me he let us start hanging out together too soon and that he won't make the same mistake again because he doesn't want me to get hurt. But I feel like if someone is going to be a part of our family until the end of time I should get an opportunity to get to know her as well. For those of you that have been in my place, some advice please - am I moving too fast and is that why I have been so hurt by these women when it hasn't worked out? What can I do to distance myself yet still have a chance to get to know the woman my husband is dating? Am I doing it all wrong? I really want to know if I am messing up in the way this is supposed to work, as my heart feels like I can't take another breakup like this again. Any advice would be appreciated - and thanks for welcoming me into your group!
Kacy

 

[sweetlissa]

You haven't told us much about you but I would like to remind you that most of us didn't marry the first man we dated. Relationships are hard and sometimes painful. Anytime you open your heart to let someone in, you take a chance that they will hurt you.

I know that hubby wants to protect you. In some ways that is admirable. But it isn't fair and it isn't the right thing for him to do. You play a key role in the process. If he excludes you from getting to know her until he is more certain, then he will be excluding your valuable input and your powerful intuition.

I know this hurts, but I am happy that you found out this issue before you made room in your home and your life for her. It is painful, but imagine how painful it could have been to have a few more years and maybe some children invested. You would have been crushed.

The hardest thing I have ever done is to watch my husband with a broken heart. There isn't a thing you can do for each other but be very kind to each other. It is like you have had major surgery and you must be very gentle with each other for a season. The death of a friendship is something to grieve over. Allow yourself time to grieve. Allow him time to grieve. Then, when the time is right, you will walk down this path again, hand in hand, looking to the future.

May God bless you and keep you
Look to him to heal all your wounds.

Talk to us whenever you want to.

Love
Sweetlissa