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Can A Man Court Multiple Women?

Discussion in 'Gentlemen Only' started by Cam, Nov 12, 2017.

  1. frederick

    frederick Well-Known Member Male

    Luke 5:27; ... He went out and saw a tax collector named Levi, sitting at the tax office. And He said to him, "Follow Me."
    John 1:44 ... He found Philip and said to him, "Follow Me."
    In both passages, the words "Follow Me" are in the form of an imperative; i.e. a command, and no options or alternatives are suggested. Jesus didn't give an invite; He commanded them to follow.
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  2. Mojo

    Mojo Esteemed Member Male

    While I agree about lead and follow, Jesus wasn't marrying them.

    In the absence of arranged marriages, most men have to do some sort of courting dance to woo the woman. It's a shame that sme women require fireworks shows and laser light displays too.
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  3. IshChayil

    IshChayil Esteemed Member Male

    This seems ideal in Western culture.
    In other areas of the world, i.e. many Asian countries, there is no concept of friendship between men and women without romance. I made 2 mistakes trying to be friends with women here:
    1-I saw a girl crying after service and I approached her. I got her cell phone number to coach her (I was a regular speaker at that congregation at the time and she's in the flock). I texted her and encouraged her a few times with bible verses. She asked me if I could meet her for a coffee sometime; I declined. A year later I found out that a friend had been told by that girl's family members that she and I were "involved' and that it was "very serious"!!?!??!?!
    Keep in mind, I never ever met her outside of the congregation and never even talked to her on the phone. I don't even remember that girl's name. Granted, she may be a special kind of crazy but follows is story number 2.
    2-There was a nice grandma at the same congregation. Her husband works abroad and she sees him maybe a week every 4 years. Yeah, I'm certain dude has another family anyway...she's a physics professor and I studied a ton of physics so we became what I thought was friends. She attends the same congregation where I was teaching.
    She is about 25 years older than me. She has no children and gave me a nice shirt one time. I thought the dynamic was a bit like a son figure to her so I accepted. Again ... wrong, she thought I was romantically interested.
    What?!?! My wives explained to me that in this culture, men and women are not friends so that even a woman old enough to be my mother, who is married, thought that I was sending her romance signals when really I was just wanting to be friends with someone in need and with similar interests.

    So ... the friends first advice works, assuming you are in a culture were there is not the constant looking forward to the post-friends phase which I think also happens to some degree in the states no?
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2017
  4. steve

    steve Esteemed Member Male

    I kinda like the Ruth/Boaz dynamic.

    Ruth: Take me as your wife.
    Boaz: Sure, just let me clear the legalities first.
  5. Mojo

    Mojo Esteemed Member Male

    If only.....
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  6. steve

    steve Esteemed Member Male

    Believe it or not, once the relationship was built, that was pretty much the scenario.
    More words, though.
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  7. IshChayil

    IshChayil Esteemed Member Male

    Allow me to embellish the dynamic a bit.
    Boaz: whoa you "uncovered at my foot place" (whatever that's supposed to mean), thanks for that great kindness!
    Ruth: Take me as your wife.
    Boaz: Sure, just let me clear the legalities first.
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  8. cnystrom

    cnystrom Well-Known Member Male

    That is kind of what happened to me. I knew this woman and her family for 8 years, and we grew closer until I proposed. And then after I proposed she wanted to be courted, but it always seemed like a cat and mouse game with me the mouse. The first clue should have been that she would not give my proposal an answer one way or the other. She said she wanted everything, but when it came to a simple "yes" to get it she could never seem to give it. It was a strange and unexpected situation.

    In the end I think there were no winners.
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  9. Kevin

    Kevin Esteemed Member Male

    The inability to commit does make an lose/lose situation. Maybe she had/has fears of commitment? Fear can lead people to passing up on something that would be a blessing in their life, even if they know it would be a blessing.
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2017
  10. babe

    babe Member Male

    Might take a bit of context. Leviticus includes a commandment....... Henry VIII and the pope of his day please take notice...... far from it being the law that a man could not marry his brother's wife if the brother died, it was commanded that he should marry her if his brother and his wife died childless.... "to raise up seed" for the deceased brother so his name would not fail in Israel. Yah, you don't mess around sexually with various relatives, but in this specific case, it's your duty before God under the law.

    It was not a popular law, but often referred to. If you did not do your duty you were "turning away the widow from her right" (to have children)

    the "legalities" Boaz had to navigate included making a public determination that no nearer kinsman to her husband was willing to do the job. So. thence to the city gate to make a public announcement and ask if anyone (a nearer kinsman) would want it.
  11. steve

    steve Esteemed Member Male

    There was no question about who the nearest relative was, it was obvious to all that he hadn’t stepped up, presumably because she was a Moabite. (Notice that Naomi knew immediately when Ruth mentioned Boaz that he was a relative, these people knew everyone’s relationship.)
    I believe that the specifics of the story show that Naomi believed that the best that Ruth could expect was to be accepted as a concubine by Boaz, thus the offering of herself in the dead of night. That would have been acceptable in that day, but Boaz chose to give her full honor and not “marry” her in the manner offered.
    The scene at the gate in front of the elders was to force the relative that had the responsibility to make his final decision in a public and legal way, and thus get him out of the way for a full-status marriage to take place.
    Further point: the nearest relative was willing to accept her as a wife (probably concubine) but wasn’t going to fully honor the Levitical Law (again, presumably because she was a Moabite).

    My main point was that the dynamic changes in polygyny. That a woman has more options and can approach a potential husband/family and inquire about the possibility of a relationship. Maybe through an intermediary, but still by her instigation.
    The Romance model has a lot of flaws.
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2017 at 3:11 AM
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  12. IshChayil

    IshChayil Esteemed Member Male

    One reason guys would fail to step up is again financial.
    Her initial offspring would not be his yet he would support them.
    He would support her yet much of that support would go into making inheritance for the offspring which would be counted as his brother’s. They would work the land plot belonging to the deceased. The importance of having a son land in the deceased’s name yet the go-eyl paid to raise the boy. Really a chance for a good step father to shine...noble act with not much in return (assuming he didn't dig the brother’s wife). There were all kinds of legal issues derived from this quasi-son status discussed in talmud tractate Ketuvot for those interested)

    Theres an entire procedure of striping off the shoe (hatslikhah "stripping off") and such publicly, presumably to embarress the would be go-eyl (redeemer) who shirked his duty. Sometimes the nearest go-eyl just couldn't afford it. Probably,wouldn't wear your nike’s to,such a procedure...
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2017 at 4:51 AM
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  13. Curtis Gerhart

    Curtis Gerhart Well-Known Member Male

    Zackly!! Look at Isaac n Rebekah. What was Abraham’s ONLY criteria to Eliezer? Why did David make Abigail head of his household? Biblically, the woman is more of the chaser. Not a chaser like today! But with reverence, modesty, humility, chaste character, and sobriety. He courts God through JC and she courts him.
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2017 at 1:40 PM
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  14. Curtis Gerhart

    Curtis Gerhart Well-Known Member Male

    You spoke volumes Kevin. You stated, “Fear can lead people to passing up on something that would be a blessing in their life, even if they know it would be a blessing.” What is fear? Real fear. Not reverence, that type that freezes us in taking action on our faith, decisions, what to do, not to do, etc. 1 John 4:18 explains this: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” Fear is what hinders me, you, all of us. It prevents us from putting faith into action. On an aside, presuming w/o authority is not God. Fear of commitment is faith without Love. That is what I have experienced. I’ve met many true Believers, they have the faith, believed it with every fiber of their being. Then what stopped them from seeing, being more. Fear. The revelation of Love is one of the greatest mysteries of the Bible. Kinda like the mathematical principle called the transitive property: If a=b and b=c, then a=c. If the HS is God and God is Love (1 John 4:16), then the HS is Love. Also, man makes God complicated, but God hides Himself in simplicity.
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2017 at 11:26 PM
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  15. cnystrom

    cnystrom Well-Known Member Male

    That is entirely possible. Never was able to find out for sure.
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  16. Cam

    Cam Active Member Male

    Hope everyone's Sabbath was wonderful :)
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