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correcting your wives for the same thing at the same time...

Discussion in 'Gentlemen Only' started by IshChayil, Oct 5, 2017.

  1. IshChayil

    IshChayil Well-Known Member Male

    ב"ה
    OK so usually if I need to correct a wife I do it in private not in front of the other one (they also correct me in this manner, usually). So anyway, they both have one trait in common which is not a big deal but which sometimes bugs me.
    Tonight they both demonstrated that negative trait (not something really bad), and I said to them,
    "You both often do that. You both do x,y,z." Careful to look at both of them for the equal amount of time.
    "Please let's try not to do x,y,z any more". Then continued and everything was fine.
    Nobody complained but I'm thinking.
    What do you think about correcting your wives when nobody else is around (children were asleep) and no guests. If they both did the exact same thing needing correction ..equally. Should the correction still be done privately to each wife?
    I was thinking man logic, like when a professor corrects the whole class for sucking on an exam (or a coach yells at the whole team, lol) or whatever. But as the female heart is always a labyrinth of discovery ...
    I'm wondering if that was a mistake I made tonight...
     
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  2. mystic

    mystic Well-Known Member Male

    Unless they differ significantly in how they'd been prepared (by you or themselves) for such a discussion, I imagine you did well.

    If they both have a similar relationship with the trait that bothers you, that's one thing, but it may be quite another if, say, one has heard about it from you before, or takes such direction in stride, while the other was hearing it for the first time or routinely needs more help digesting correction.

    But again, if such differences be the case, then for the more unsteady one to be paired in the experience with the other, and for other to see that the one doesn't automatically get more time with you just for being a bit more fragile, may be exactly what each would need.

    Sounds like you've got your eye on it.

    P.S. I'm an expert when it's not my neck on the line. ;)
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2017
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  3. andrew

    andrew Administrator Staff Member Male

    I'll see you and raise you one. We have reached the point where I'll call out individuals in front of the team (not women in front of children so much, but in the company of the other women). I figure it's a teaching opp for everybody, and it saves me time. I'll also praise individuals in front of everybody. The only thing I won't do and have never done is "why can't you be more like her?".

    Re your situation, IC: Sounds like you're on it. Props to you for being sensitive enough to realize there's a potential issue there, but sounds like you were sensitive to the issue and did what you needed to do. If it's still bothering you in a day or two you could circle back and ask the women individually if they had any issues with that or were okay with it.
     
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  4. Mojo

    Mojo Esteemed Member Male

    Not married to two, but have called out my prospective pretty forcefully in front of my wife, and called them both out together on a joint error.

    I've had to mediate a major dispute they had and identified error on both their parts, but, like Andrew, I've always steer clear of making judgments of "why can't you act more like...."
     
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  5. frederick

    frederick Well-Known Member Male

    Just wondering; did they each know the other did x, y, z so that they knew they were both in the wrong? It might make it a good time for teaching, not just correcting. And even with the kids, we've never allowed the "why can't you be more like..." to be mentioned. The only one we want any of us to be like is Jesus Christ and the Father is doing the transformation in spite of us.
     
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  6. Mojo

    Mojo Esteemed Member Male

    With my kids, I have had to be honest with them. when they ask why so and so doesn't have to do such and such consequence, I tell them that so and so fulfilled this and that responsibility. If they had been responsible like so and so, this and that wouldn't have been assigned as a consequence.
     
  7. IshChayil

    IshChayil Well-Known Member Male

    Thanks, yeah I would like to get to the point where you are at where the wives are also both equally secure that I can call them out individually. I need to be balancing them bretter probably another half year or so before I get there; that's awesome.
    I'd never say "why can't you be like her" man that would be so crushing I think.
    Seems all OK. Thanks for the input. Been preoccupied with our pet search
     
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  8. IshChayil

    IshChayil Well-Known Member Male

    Yeah they both did the x,y,z within the course of a few minutes of each other, as we are having Friday night meal.
     
  9. IshChayil

    IshChayil Well-Known Member Male

    As I'm growing it does seem like many of the ways we deal with children do carry over to dealing with our wives.
    I never would have guessed that. Of course the dynamic is different. I think my biggest problem is getting in my own way ... i.e. being overly concerned about how a wife is feeling/not feeling when the thing would have passed if I'd just been in cold caveman mode.
     
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  10. andrew

    andrew Administrator Staff Member Male

    Sorry to hear that. :(
     
  11. ZecAustin

    ZecAustin Esteemed Member Male

    Cold caveman mode! It sounds like a Power Rangers move when they combine into a giant feminist destroying robot wielding giant phallic symbols! I wholeheartedly approve!
     
  12. NetWatchR

    NetWatchR Esteemed Member Male

    Wha-huh? MUhahaha! LOL!!
    Did-he-just-say-what-I-think-he-said-meme-25558.jpg
     
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  13. IshChayil

    IshChayil Well-Known Member Male

    From now on guys, this is C.C.M.
     
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  14. andrew

    andrew Administrator Staff Member Male

    Can we go with CC (as in, "yeah, I went all CC on her"...)? I don't think I can look at CCM without seeing Contemporary Christian Music, but I'll try.... o_O
     
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  15. Mojo

    Mojo Esteemed Member Male

    That's what I think of too.
     
  16. IshChayil

    IshChayil Well-Known Member Male

    sounds better.. can't have acronym conflict!
     
  17. ZecAustin

    ZecAustin Esteemed Member Male

    I think it should SMMCCM for super mighty morphing cold caveman mode! Of course that does sound like a North Korean press release of doctored video of America being submersed in a sea of fire....
     
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  18. Mojo

    Mojo Esteemed Member Male

    Dipping into the rum again?????:rolleyes:
     
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  19. IshChayil

    IshChayil Well-Known Member Male

    Maybe playing Johnny Cash "Ring of Fire" in the background?
     
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