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Danger! Warning!

D

David

New Member
Greetings in Christ,

I'm David. I'm new to this group. I'm an American, currently living in Bulgaria. How I came to be living in Bulgaria is the reason for the subject heading of "Danger! Warning!"

Up to about two years ago I was a preacher for a mainline American denomination. I had been living in Germany for about six years and was the evangelist for a mostly American military group near the big Ramstein Air Base. I began to study God's Word concerning all things about marriage in about mid-2000. It wasn't long before I found some websites concerning biblical marriage that exposed me to the idea of righteous polygyny. I immediately shared what I had found and what I was studying with my wife of 28 years. She immediately got very upset and suspecious. I continued to share everything I was studying with her and I assured her I wasn't studying these things with the purpose of adding another wife, only to expand my knowledge of God's Word concerning all things about human relationships. To make a very long and complicated story short, my wife of 32 years left me in February 2006. Because of the way she left me (part of the long part of my story), I was also asked to leave my position with the church in Germany. I was fired because, as one of the elders of the church told the congregation, "...he believes that polygamy is within God's will." We were divorced in early 2007 and I am now married to a very spiritual Bulgarian woman. I am currently teaching English at a university in Bulgaria.

So, please be very careful about how you tell others about your interest in biblical polygyny, especially your spouse.

I'll share more later. I just wanted to introduce myself to the group and tell a little of my story.

In His service and yours,
David
 
David,

I can empathize with you, my friend. My situation is very similiar.
 
Welcome David, we're glad to have you here, and look forward to interacting with you more. I'm really sorry for the painful situation with your wife.

It is, unfortunately, still all too common among those who share their belief in the Biblicalness of plural marriage with their spouses. It is, for me, one of the primary things I'd like to see BiblicalFamilies be about - offering support to those who are about to approach the topic (slowly!, as we are discussing elsewhere), and support for those who've had the shock of there lives in just hearing this from their spouses. If there was a body of sympathetic believers who don't deny the pain she is going thru, having been there themselves, but at the same time offering hope and confirmation that God may well be present in this, I think it could make a difference - for some anyway.

My family is open to offering that support - in email, in phone calls, in person.

I also absolutely want to see us be there for the men - to pray with you, give advice, and a shoulder to lean on if things get tough. I think the worse part of of the cultural taboo on plural marriage at this point, is that those of us who do feel so led, end up completely "alone", and too often fail for lack of example and support.

Let us know how we can help, David. God bless.
 
Wow. Something tells me this may not have been the only reason that the divorce occurred though.

My first wife, thankfully, was more accepting.

Hope things are working for you.
 
Unfortunately, Charlesh I would have to agree. It was probably the "straw" that broke the camels back. Divorce is painful and is rarely done without great thought and much anxiety. I feel for you David. Just professing your belief in Christian Polygyny should not have created the end of your marriage. I am guessing that your ex-wife had some severe trust issues. I know from my own experience that trust issues are not necessarily because you are untrustworthy, but because of her own insecurities. I do know that it takes three (or more including God) to make a marriage work. I wish you much luck and love in the future. Please introduce your wife to our site and let us get to know you both.

Lissa
 
David said:
I began to study God's Word concerning all things about marriage in about mid-2000. It wasn't long before I found some websites concerning biblical marriage that exposed me to the idea of righteous polygyny. I immediately shared what I had found and what I was studying with my wife of 28 years. She immediately got very upset and suspecious. I continued to share everything I was studying with her and I assured her I wasn't studying these things with the purpose of adding another wife, only to expand my knowledge of God's Word concerning all things about human relationships. To make a very long and complicated story short, my wife of 32 years left me in February 2006.
Click to expand...

My story is nearly identical to this part of yours with one major difference. We actually made it through the initial revelatory turmoil and had more or less stabilized. Unfortunately, a few years later, my wife's sisters and others began whispering poisons into her ear behind my back. Eventually the damage was irreparable.
 
Brothers and sisters,

Thanks for the replies. I hope you understand I wasn't looking for sympathy or counseling when I posted "Danger! Warning!". I'm new to this group and I just wanted to "tell my story" as a sort of caution for those who may not have experienced the problems that come by just discussing biblical polygamy with family and friends.
I'm OK now. Yes, my ex-wife had emotional problems that ran much deeper than a discussion on polygamy. She had been sexually abused by her grandfather and her father from about 3 1/2 years until she left home at 16. I didn't know much about this until AFTER she left me and were in the process of divorce. Trust issues certainly played a part in our divorce.
I don't care to pursue any further discussion on my failed marriage but I certainly look forward to many interesting discussions about God's will for marriage.
Again, thanks to all who responded.

In His service and yours,
David
 
David,
I apologize for venturing in where I wasn't welcome. Welcome and thank you for letting me know.

Lissa
 
Yes I agree that telling family and friends can be not what you expected.

You have to tread really carefully and be respectful of others feelings.

Its easy to think the ones who love you will accept anything you do, but its amazing how polygamy can really confuse and upset people. From my experience they have no where to turn and feel they cant speak to anyone.

Its like a hidden subject. I was even told they could of dealt with homosexuality better than this. because of the mainstream acceptance.

I so much wanted my family to know and i really thought they would inbrace it. But i have had to learn to respect there feelings and not push it.
 
For my family, wives and kids, the rule is Romans 14, paraphrased here for application
19Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another. 20Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of [polygyny]. All things indeed are pure, but it is evil for the man who [is polygynyous] with offense. 21It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything [including polygyny] by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak. 22 Do you have faith [from the Word of God that polygyny is acceptable to God]? Have it to yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. 23But he who doubts [about polygyny] is condemned if he [is polygynous], because he [is not polygynous] from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin.

We are all old and are children are gone out of the home. Our children do not know we are polygynous. I interact with the children of my 3 ladies, but none know I am polygynous with their mothers. Each of my ladies lives in a different zip code, all go to different churches. I am discretely together with each of my ladies. If their children knew, there would be major problems. For the polygynous who have children in the home, I believe it is wisest and best to listen to the Social Anthropologists, the ethnologists, and have each wife live in her own dwelling, preferably in different zip code areas, each go to different churches, and that the children of the different wives spend time together only if the children understand the polygyny and are comfortable with it.
 
docburkhart said:
David,

I can empathize with you, my friend. My situation is very similiar.
Click to expand...

Welcome docburkhart,

These situations are some of the reasons we exist. If there is anything I can do for you, let me know.
 
charlesh said:
Wow. Something tells me this may not have been the only reason that the divorce occurred though.

My first wife, thankfully, was more accepting.

Hope things are working for you.
Click to expand...

Welcome Charlesh,

What a blessing that your first wife was more accepting.

Out of curiosity, what does "Charlesh" stand for?
 
jay c said:
My story is nearly identical to this part of yours with one major difference. We actually made it through the initial revelatory turmoil and had more or less stabilized. Unfortunately, a few years later, my wife's sisters and others began whispering poisons into her ear behind my back. Eventually the damage was irreparable.
Click to expand...

Welcome Jay,

My heart goes out of you brother. If there is anything I can do, let me know.
 
trish said:
Yes I agree that telling family and friends can be not what you expected.

You have to tread really carefully and be respectful of others feelings.

Its easy to think the ones who love you will accept anything you do, but its amazing how polygamy can really confuse and upset people. From my experience they have no where to turn and feel they cant speak to anyone.

Its like a hidden subject. I was even told they could of dealt with homosexuality better than this. because of the mainstream acceptance.

I so much wanted my family to know and i really thought they would inbrace it. But i have had to learn to respect there feelings and not push it.
Click to expand...

Welcome Trish,

You have spoken with a great deal of wisdom. Not only is it hard to work through the emotional upheaval within the marriage, there is also working through the emotional upheaval outside the marriage - family, friends and others!
 
Elkanah2008 said:
For my family, wives and kids, the rule is Romans 14, paraphrased here for application
19Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another. 20Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of [polygyny]. All things indeed are pure, but it is evil for the man who [is polygynyous] with offense. 21It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything [including polygyny] by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak. 22 Do you have faith [from the Word of God that polygyny is acceptable to God]? Have it to yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. 23But he who doubts [about polygyny] is condemned if he [is polygynous], because he [is not polygynous] from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin.

We are all old and are children are gone out of the home. Our children do not know we are polygynous. I interact with the children of my 3 ladies, but none know I am polygynous with their mothers. Each of my ladies lives in a different zip code, all go to different churches. I am discretely together with each of my ladies. If their children knew, there would be major problems. For the polygynous who have children in the home, I believe it is wisest and best to listen to the Social Anthropologists, the ethnologists, and have each wife live in her own dwelling, preferably in different zip code areas, each go to different churches, and that the children of the different wives spend time together only if the children understand the polygyny and are comfortable with it.
Click to expand...

Welcome Elkanah,

That is an interesting understanding of that passage. We will have to discuss that some time.

So, concerning your family. Do all of your wives know about each of the others? Do they all ever get together? How do you deal with what some might call practicing deception concerning hiding these marriages from close family members?
 
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