Where to start?I'm a very happily married man.That is about to begin this lifestyle with two very special ladies.This was not planned or sought after.My wife and I had casually mentioned it acouple times in the passed but never in depth or serious.I have never cheated on my wife.My soon to be second wife started to work with me and we became friends.It grew from that very quickly and we crossed some lines I never thought I would.My first wife knew at once something was going on and we had a couple rough days.I told her how sorry I was and said I would break it off and never do it again.She knew,because she knows me that ,would more than likely not work.So she suggested this.It is very scary for all involved and we know little to none about it.First we had to see if it wae a define nono to God.we are so thankful to find this site.We have been married almost 11 years.I have soo mant questions and unknowns.Need lots of advise from men who have gone before me.I guess first and for most is the childeren.How in the world do i explain this to them,the best way?We have 2-A boy that is9and a girl that is 7 and a baby due the end of Nov.Second is any advise on making the ajustment?How do I actully marry my second wife?How long do the wives need to get to know each other before we do this?There 999999 more questions im sure i need to ask but i better focus on these for now. Thanks in advance for any and all help
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Dazed and Confused
- Thread starter hairguy5
- Start date
Welcome, Hairguy. I'm sure you'll find answers.
Some initial thoughts:
** There's no hurry. Take your time. Lots of talking, lots of thinking. Offer to babysit while your ladies go out and spend get acquainted time...
** Marriage ... you'll have to discuss what y'all wanna do. Against the law to have two simultaneous marriage licenses, but there are other solutions.
** Love -- you can't love too much unless you love them each more than Christ loved the church. Do not fear to love.
** Kids? Better open than secretive. Read Bible stories where there is more than one wife involved, and observe that your own family is changing to be like the Bible.
You've come to the right place for answers. Others may well do better than I, but this is something to start with.
Some initial thoughts:
** There's no hurry. Take your time. Lots of talking, lots of thinking. Offer to babysit while your ladies go out and spend get acquainted time...
** Marriage ... you'll have to discuss what y'all wanna do. Against the law to have two simultaneous marriage licenses, but there are other solutions.
** Love -- you can't love too much unless you love them each more than Christ loved the church. Do not fear to love.
** Kids? Better open than secretive. Read Bible stories where there is more than one wife involved, and observe that your own family is changing to be like the Bible.
You've come to the right place for answers. Others may well do better than I, but this is something to start with.
A
Anonymous
Guest
Hi hairguy 5,
Since this is a new venture for you and you have a rocky start, may I make a suggestion? Here it goes anyway. :lol:
Biblical marriage is more than plural marriage. Plural marriage is just one facet of Biblical marriage. PM is simply repeating Biblical marriage over, and over and??
Please look into the many teaching articles on this forum for some insights as to what Biblical marriage really is. Having this foundation will secure for you a better chance for success. Also feel free to ask questions from others here, but be prepared to check it out, with your Bible open, cause you will be the guy responsible. Many of us here have made most of the possible mistakes, take advantage of it. No one lives long enough to make them all ourselves.
Since this is a new venture for you and you have a rocky start, may I make a suggestion? Here it goes anyway. :lol:
Biblical marriage is more than plural marriage. Plural marriage is just one facet of Biblical marriage. PM is simply repeating Biblical marriage over, and over and??
Please look into the many teaching articles on this forum for some insights as to what Biblical marriage really is. Having this foundation will secure for you a better chance for success. Also feel free to ask questions from others here, but be prepared to check it out, with your Bible open, cause you will be the guy responsible. Many of us here have made most of the possible mistakes, take advantage of it. No one lives long enough to make them all ourselves.
FloridaGirl81
New Member
Thanks to yall who responded.There is a great foundation with the wife of 10 years and hope and believe there will be one with the new love.Take your time is probably the hardest advise I could have got,but I asked for it.I have come to a point where I relized yet again,"I know nothing."I must trust God Pray tons and ask for guidence,and do the next right indecated thing.If its his will I can't mess it up,and if it ain't I can't make it happen.Thanks again so much.The wife is on the ladies chat.Hope this is helping her as well.
that statement is incredibly incorrect.
with your wife pregnant, that makes this the worst timing possible.
this is not like adding a puppy to the family or buying a new house. this is a decision about your family that will effect the rest of your life and the the lives of all others involved, including your children. even the unborn one will be effected by what your family is going through.
first and foremost, in my opinion, the two women need to become friends and build that friendship. that is something that you can facilitate but not require. what you can require is that your own relationship with the new girl not outpace that of her relationship with your wife. which, of course, has already happened. slow down and let their's catch-up.
you have many more factors involved here than you did when you got married last time and you need to be much more intentional than you were then.
letting wine age is never fun, but always worth it.
I second that. A wise man told me that adding a wife does not complicate life by addition, but exponentially. Of course, there are exponential rewards possible as well for success. But also exponential pain for failure.
So slow and careful makes all the sense in the world, as does making sure that your wife and girlfriend have the chance to become best friends as well.
So slow and careful makes all the sense in the world, as does making sure that your wife and girlfriend have the chance to become best friends as well.
The ladies are starting to get to know each other,and I am so happy and excited for this.We have talked about and are considering keeping things the way they are and moving slow as suggested.We are thinking of seeing how everything is and everyone is in March.Does this seem like a good time frame?We all are not sure b/c everyone is pretty much ready.It makes total since to take it slow.My whole life I have heard over and over "Steady wins the race."Then again I am a man and I want what I want and I want it now!LOL My love told me about a chat the ladies have.Do the men do that?If so what day and time? Thanks again,God bless,Micheal
My love told me about a chat the ladies have.Do the men do that?If so what day and time? Thanks again,God bless,Micheal
that the ladies are building a relationship is really, really good.
your wife will be dealing with postpartum issues for a while, live with her according to knowledge prayerfully and carefully. her relationship with the other gal has the potential to be a help. it also has the potential to be a stress that nobody needs.
sorry, no mens chat.
your wife will be dealing with postpartum issues for a while, live with her according to knowledge prayerfully and carefully. her relationship with the other gal has the potential to be a help. it also has the potential to be a stress that nobody needs.
sorry, no mens chat.
Rather than setting a specific time-frame on it, I would suggest that you leave that to God to indicate when it is time, and instead concentrate on the things y'all KNOW to do just now.
For whatever it is worth, a wise Chinese proverb says, "There is nothing so full of victory as patience."
Sounds like you are on the right track.
For whatever it is worth, a wise Chinese proverb says, "There is nothing so full of victory as patience."
Sounds like you are on the right track.
Taller on my knees
Member
Hello Hairguy and welcome!
I think that I would second (or third, or fourth) the wisdom offered by these men. I, myself, am not in a plural marriage, nor are we seeking to do so. That being said, I have seen others make a LOT of poor decisions (in other circumstances)in haste and very few have turned out with a positive twist. Cecil mentioned allowing God's timing on when to move forward and I heartily agree. However, a lot of folks don't really know what to look for when God is speaking to them, myself included at times. When we want something, we tend to take any little thing as a sign that we have the green light. When we jump the gun instead of waiting for God, He tends to turn our impatience into a hard lesson. That which you wanted may still be in his Will for you, but He ensures that you're ready for it first.
If you have a question in your mind as to whether this is the time, and are not sure that you are hearing His voice correctly, just wait a little longer. My strongest suggestion would be to put things on hold with the prospective sister wife and let the girls develop their relationship during the course of your wife's pregnancy and the following months of postpartum. The hormonal influences during this period make it the worst possible time to be making life changing decisions. It will also provide them with the opportunity to see one another at both their best and worst. You may be placed in a position which requires you to make some hard decisions but the stability of your family should always supersede personal desires.
You will face some very tough battles, either from within or from without. Should you need help with them at any point, feel free to contact one of the administrators on this site, or post here or on the Facebook group. I have come to trust these men and their families. They are a wealth of wisdom. Another thing that I would highly advise is to find yourselves at the next BF retreat. There you will find others who have made the journey that you are now beginning, and see various "real people" who know what you will face. Fellowship, both on the forums and in person, will be a great asset to you.
May God bless you and yours, and may He grow you beyond your limits.
-Will
I think that I would second (or third, or fourth) the wisdom offered by these men. I, myself, am not in a plural marriage, nor are we seeking to do so. That being said, I have seen others make a LOT of poor decisions (in other circumstances)in haste and very few have turned out with a positive twist. Cecil mentioned allowing God's timing on when to move forward and I heartily agree. However, a lot of folks don't really know what to look for when God is speaking to them, myself included at times. When we want something, we tend to take any little thing as a sign that we have the green light. When we jump the gun instead of waiting for God, He tends to turn our impatience into a hard lesson. That which you wanted may still be in his Will for you, but He ensures that you're ready for it first.
If you have a question in your mind as to whether this is the time, and are not sure that you are hearing His voice correctly, just wait a little longer. My strongest suggestion would be to put things on hold with the prospective sister wife and let the girls develop their relationship during the course of your wife's pregnancy and the following months of postpartum. The hormonal influences during this period make it the worst possible time to be making life changing decisions. It will also provide them with the opportunity to see one another at both their best and worst. You may be placed in a position which requires you to make some hard decisions but the stability of your family should always supersede personal desires.
You will face some very tough battles, either from within or from without. Should you need help with them at any point, feel free to contact one of the administrators on this site, or post here or on the Facebook group. I have come to trust these men and their families. They are a wealth of wisdom. Another thing that I would highly advise is to find yourselves at the next BF retreat. There you will find others who have made the journey that you are now beginning, and see various "real people" who know what you will face. Fellowship, both on the forums and in person, will be a great asset to you.
May God bless you and yours, and may He grow you beyond your limits.
-Will