This is an initial report on the experimental use eHarmony services for finding a wife that would be a "match" for our family. Though I actually don't believe this will be how we find a second wife, it certainly seems very possible.
Of course, deception of any sort is out of the question so I will tell you how I am going about doing this right now but first let me give you a brief primer on how eHarmony works.
Basically it matches you to ladies who align with you on 29 areas of compatibility. Both matches receive notification and can then view each others profile. Typically the man (but certainly not always) initiates "guided communication" or "request fasttrack" or "secure call".
Guided Communication equals a series of exchanges as illustrated below before going to open communication...
Request FastTrack equals the request to skip the preliminaries and go straight to open communication.
Secure Call equals a calling system that does not disclose any personal information but allows free unlimited telephone conversation.
Open communication equals simply free-flow contact via all potential means the parties may prefer.
I have my profile set-up as "divorced" which is fitting because we are actually in process of getting a technical divorce as far as it pertains to the state so divorced in this context implies I have been married and am available which is accurate and technically divorced is fully accurate. In fact, I feel as though I "under-promise and over-deliver" because to show forth the track record of 15 years of successful marriage and being available by choice, which has got to be better than having a true relational divorce and being available by default.
I make three references in my profile to hint toward the potential of another woman/wife in the form of the following...
In the "three things I am most thankful for" section I have listed as second...
2. I am thankful for my amazingly responsible children and their homeschooling mom.
In the "Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know" section I have...
Even with my strength of personality, I am very teachable and take conflict very seriously. I don't just hear what a person says who may disagree in some vital area but truly consider it at a depth and receive correction if warranted. My first wife would testify that I am tremendously fair and just. If you're interested, she'd even give you the "inside scoop".
Then, I also have an uncaptioned picture of us with our faces close in the picture section.
It is my policy to disclose the whole story on the very first phone call unless by chance it is just too short to allow for it so the woman does not in anyway feel tricked or lead on. These ladies seem to mostly be really looking for a good husband and it would be wrong to waste their time or play with their emotions so they feel hurt in anyway.
My experience so far...
I only became a paid member a little over a week ago and had several conversations with very helpful customer service people to fully learn the system.
Note: All telephone conversations with "matches" were about an hour and a half and have included that we do not believe in State regulated marriage thus the divorce, Shawna and I are still fully together, and we are looking to add a wife to our family when we find the right person.
I have now talked via telephone to two "matches" both of which happen to be from strong AG backgrounds. The first lady seems very interested and has after our conversation joined my FaceBook and just tonight sent me a very warm and inviting email. We first talked by phone on Friday. I am not sure that she fits with us personally but she is certainly open enough even though the whole concept was new to her upon introduction.
The second lady was very nice and we had a very enjoyable conversation that exchanged value on both sides but I don't think she would be open to the concept herself. Though she did have other experiences where God opened her mind after her initial rejection. I will not be contacting her again but I feel like I could drop her a friendly hello that would be well received if I wanted to.
A couple additional very natural concepts employed...
In the "Guided Communication" time I make it a point to offer custom answers that reveal authentic depth and meaning. I also ask questions of them that provide rich content for discussion later.
I forget about any other "mission" other than enhancing their lives though our interaction independent of the outcome. So, the conversation is meaningful and far from superficial. This is just the way I am but in this context I think it also displays that I am a person who is authentic and trustworthy even if they find themselves in disagreement on content. It seems that the wife question came up in both instances about one hour into the call. With the second lady, she inquired into my habitual and recurring use of the term "we" in describing rather current history. With the first lady, after I inquired into her relational history she naturally inquired into mine.
If we find someone who I believe may be a real potential wife for our family, I intend on connecting Shawna with them by Skype Video or telephone to get them initially acquainted. That way I can get her feedback on whether she feels good about further exploration with that particular women.
I will probably hook Shawna up with the first lady here in the next day or two regardless as practice at least. I never feel bad about conversing or "wasting someone's time" provided we come from such a strong "deliver value perspective" and be respectful of their time and feelings.
I believe this system could really work if handled with prudence but if eHarmony is not comfortable or receives complaints I/you could get kicked off with no refund. I don't see why I would get kicked off with the safe-guards I have in place at this time but if you lead someone on they could be rightfully upset and get you ousted because with their mindset they may feel like you set them up to be an emotional adulteress without their permission.
I will keep you posted. It seems to give you about 6-12 new matches per day. I will probably run into a touchy situation sometime coming up to share. Also, who knows, maybe we can expand the pool of biblical marriage minded women.
Sincerely,
Curtis
P.S. Here is a snapshot of the "process tracker"....
Of course, deception of any sort is out of the question so I will tell you how I am going about doing this right now but first let me give you a brief primer on how eHarmony works.
Basically it matches you to ladies who align with you on 29 areas of compatibility. Both matches receive notification and can then view each others profile. Typically the man (but certainly not always) initiates "guided communication" or "request fasttrack" or "secure call".
Guided Communication equals a series of exchanges as illustrated below before going to open communication...
Request FastTrack equals the request to skip the preliminaries and go straight to open communication.
Secure Call equals a calling system that does not disclose any personal information but allows free unlimited telephone conversation.
Open communication equals simply free-flow contact via all potential means the parties may prefer.
I have my profile set-up as "divorced" which is fitting because we are actually in process of getting a technical divorce as far as it pertains to the state so divorced in this context implies I have been married and am available which is accurate and technically divorced is fully accurate. In fact, I feel as though I "under-promise and over-deliver" because to show forth the track record of 15 years of successful marriage and being available by choice, which has got to be better than having a true relational divorce and being available by default.
I make three references in my profile to hint toward the potential of another woman/wife in the form of the following...
In the "three things I am most thankful for" section I have listed as second...
2. I am thankful for my amazingly responsible children and their homeschooling mom.
In the "Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know" section I have...
Even with my strength of personality, I am very teachable and take conflict very seriously. I don't just hear what a person says who may disagree in some vital area but truly consider it at a depth and receive correction if warranted. My first wife would testify that I am tremendously fair and just. If you're interested, she'd even give you the "inside scoop".
Then, I also have an uncaptioned picture of us with our faces close in the picture section.
It is my policy to disclose the whole story on the very first phone call unless by chance it is just too short to allow for it so the woman does not in anyway feel tricked or lead on. These ladies seem to mostly be really looking for a good husband and it would be wrong to waste their time or play with their emotions so they feel hurt in anyway.
My experience so far...
I only became a paid member a little over a week ago and had several conversations with very helpful customer service people to fully learn the system.
Note: All telephone conversations with "matches" were about an hour and a half and have included that we do not believe in State regulated marriage thus the divorce, Shawna and I are still fully together, and we are looking to add a wife to our family when we find the right person.
I have now talked via telephone to two "matches" both of which happen to be from strong AG backgrounds. The first lady seems very interested and has after our conversation joined my FaceBook and just tonight sent me a very warm and inviting email. We first talked by phone on Friday. I am not sure that she fits with us personally but she is certainly open enough even though the whole concept was new to her upon introduction.
The second lady was very nice and we had a very enjoyable conversation that exchanged value on both sides but I don't think she would be open to the concept herself. Though she did have other experiences where God opened her mind after her initial rejection. I will not be contacting her again but I feel like I could drop her a friendly hello that would be well received if I wanted to.
A couple additional very natural concepts employed...
In the "Guided Communication" time I make it a point to offer custom answers that reveal authentic depth and meaning. I also ask questions of them that provide rich content for discussion later.
I forget about any other "mission" other than enhancing their lives though our interaction independent of the outcome. So, the conversation is meaningful and far from superficial. This is just the way I am but in this context I think it also displays that I am a person who is authentic and trustworthy even if they find themselves in disagreement on content. It seems that the wife question came up in both instances about one hour into the call. With the second lady, she inquired into my habitual and recurring use of the term "we" in describing rather current history. With the first lady, after I inquired into her relational history she naturally inquired into mine.
If we find someone who I believe may be a real potential wife for our family, I intend on connecting Shawna with them by Skype Video or telephone to get them initially acquainted. That way I can get her feedback on whether she feels good about further exploration with that particular women.
I will probably hook Shawna up with the first lady here in the next day or two regardless as practice at least. I never feel bad about conversing or "wasting someone's time" provided we come from such a strong "deliver value perspective" and be respectful of their time and feelings.
I believe this system could really work if handled with prudence but if eHarmony is not comfortable or receives complaints I/you could get kicked off with no refund. I don't see why I would get kicked off with the safe-guards I have in place at this time but if you lead someone on they could be rightfully upset and get you ousted because with their mindset they may feel like you set them up to be an emotional adulteress without their permission.
I will keep you posted. It seems to give you about 6-12 new matches per day. I will probably run into a touchy situation sometime coming up to share. Also, who knows, maybe we can expand the pool of biblical marriage minded women.
Sincerely,
Curtis
P.S. Here is a snapshot of the "process tracker"....
I do miss all my boys being my babies, my oldest is now 18 turning 19 soon! Wow how time just flies by! 
Starting to feel my age :lol: Oh well, as it's all good, and God is good all the time!
Take care, seeking Yeshua's will and finding security and joy for the journey.