Thank you all for welcoming me. I have heard of of polygamist and biblical family sites, browsed a few, but this is my first time interacting with one. I have been interested in the polygamist lifestyle for a long time but have never taken steps to actually practice it. But I feel like it fits my inner self. Im filled with justifiable concerns, trepidation, questions and uncertainty. I first heard about polygamy in middle school, in jokes about some Mormon students. Thats what first planted the seed in me I guess. I eventually looked into it and discovered how common it is world wide, that its in the Bible and that there are Christians who follow it.
Ive always felt drawn to the traditional lifestyle like I mentioned above. I always enjoyed doing "domestic work" around the house. Washing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, sweeping, doing laundry, even scrubbing floors quite often. And would actually be excited to be have chores delineated to me like i was important. Though being an only child a lot of the housework fell to me. From childhood through teens, I was always under the strict thumb of some male family member. Mainly my father, but also uncles and cousins, they believes in "proper" girls. I found it strangely comforting and secure to be told what to do by my father, and the others. Though part of felt confused, and other parts didn't like the control, Id sometimes feel disappointed if they "lightened up" or didnt see to me. It felt weird, but part of me liked to be under their close supervision rather than being allowed to run wild, or being insolent like girls are today. I did rebel or cause problems, but even when I was punished often I felt a weird sense of security. Like its suppose to be this way for me.
Along with domestic service, I had a lot of exposure to family life. Despite being an only child, I have a very large number of cousins. Like one aunt has eight children. The women in my family seemed suited for huge families. I helped a lot with newborns, toddlers, and young children. I loved babysitting, feeding them, and caring for them. I dont understand why but the more time I spent with them, the more I grew to love and want babies. When holding one in my arms I felt the same sensation like *it's suppose to be this way* I dont know if this is normal, or what, but its just how I felt.
Through my teens I got more and more confused about these feelings. Were bombarded all the time with ideas that Im suppose to be an independent, career woman. When I get out of high school, its straight to college, then onto some office building in a major city. All the other girls seemed happy with this, so I didnt know what *I* was meant to do.
Now that Im out I feel torn, conflicted,etc.. But I feel like I cant ignore the voice in my that wants THIS kind of life. To have a husband, be a house wife, a child bearer, and all that.
So Im hoping to learn here. Get a better understanding of the lifestyle, and possibly meet others.
. Feel free to post any questions or anything you want to discuss. If you make it to the ladies chat on Tuesday evening that would be great as that's where most of the women talk. 
