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Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God.

Kilian

Kilian

New Member
Male
Introduction
I am a 38-year-old attorney-at-law, married to a fantastic lady, and married for 14 years. She is a medical doctor and very good at what she does. Out of our union, we were blessed with two beautiful children. Both are 4 and by 2 years old respectively. Both children are miracle babies and conceived after ten years of tears and prayer, believing that we were ordained by Father YHWH to be parents. We are Boers and remnants of the Hebrews of old, our culture is the Bible and the Bible is our culture.

Before engaging legal studies, I was a qualified music ministry pastor, focussing on youth and marriage. I found ministry boring and was challenged by the high-level psychological exertion that is required by it. I am analytical of nature and is very thorough in research and thus became an attorney. Trained initially to marry people, ironically making a living in representing parties in divorce proceedings. My theological training did contribute in my ability to mediate most of my cases. The reality from experiencing both sides: You might divorce on paper, but when children are involved, you are married for life.

I maintain that marriage can be the best business decision people can make, just as divorce can be the worst.

Polygamy
I was introduced by the topic of biblical polygamy, by my mother in law when she challenged me to prove that polygamy was not supported Biblically. This challenge emanated from my studies regarding the continuum of Hebrew bloodlines after the passing of a married brother.

With my religious and legal training, I entered the study with theological preconceived indoctrination. The topic was vibrant and fueled my analytical mind. My research spanned the whole of the Bible, researching bloodline, marriage and even the unspoken topic of female sexuality within plural marriage. I wrestled through the subject matter and eventually was guided through the treacherous waters by Tom Shipley's 'Man and Woman in Biblical Law'. His thesis was a fix for my academic addiction to seek knowledge.

I suddenly discovered the hypocrisy in Western Law: Acknowledging same-sex marriages who contribute nothing to the state, only confirming civil rights. (The Philosophical argument that the states seek more citizens to support its ever-growing pension fund, and the pressures of an ever expanding senior group.) Plural relationships ironically fuel the State's demand for pension fund support, but also grant women the opportunity to engage men with high share value. (Pun intended.) (The Marriage effect by the Brooking Institute.)

By the grace of Father YHWH, I will commence my masters in family law pushing for the recognition of plural marriage.

I have studied Biblical matters such as the Sabbath, Food Laws, The Elect, Israel Identity, the Kazaar-agenda and numerous other, but never have I studied a Biblical topic that churned up emotion such as polygamy. A marriage that has always been based on logical rational reasoning suddenly faces challenges beyond my control. Challenges that are beyond my means of resolving.

I am suddenly too dumb and spiritually immature to resolve the challenges. It gnaws at me and my wife, and Satan is having a field day.

I have been lurking on this forum for some time now and realise that I need guidance.

Within the circumstances, it is truly a pleasure to engage this forum officially.

(I will place my story and sequence of events elsewhere on the forum. I will place a hyperlink in this post to make it easy for you to connect and follow the process.)
 
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Greetings Mojo.

Thank you for your response. Both my wife and I are Alpha personalities and believe ourselves part of the new group of religious social architects. Young individuals that seek and establish Biblical truth within our society. The opinions of others do not phase us, but the topic has resulted in a complete disintegration of civil conversation within our marriage. On marriage, we established rules-of-engagement, which are a set of rules on how we will attend to arguments within our marriage. These have held up to date, but alas we have found that these rules are not robust to survive a discussion of polygamy between my dear wife and I.

As pointed, I will place a hyperlink to the topic, whereby I will set out the fact chronologically. You should have more information at your disposal to provide highly sought after advise.
 
Shalom and welcome, Kilian.

The emotional churning is largely the angst of breaking the traditions and 'societal norms' with which we have been reared. You may recall a lesser churning when researching Shabbat or dietary laws, but, as you alude, polygyny towers over them as a deeper root in our training and psyche.

Blessings to you and your bride. Proceed slowly and give her much time and room to grow. We are more logic oriented while the female gender tends to be emotionally driven. This topic stirs the emotions like no other.

We'll be praying for you both.
 
Ok, so to summarize:
1. You think PM is acceptable
2. She does not (?)
3. Y'all can't even discuss the topic civilly.

Is that about right?

BTW, even IF she's able to accept it logically you still have the emotions to contend with, and emotions usually trump logic when initially discussing PM, especially to your wife. So, "winning" the argument, using logic, is probably not going to work. Let me rephrase that......Logic isn't going to work with her. At least not right now. I tend to be a very logical and practical woman (at least I like to think I am). But not in PM. Sometimes, logic just goes right out the window, no matter how hard I try to hold on to it.
 
Welcome! Is your wife willing to join the forum? In 99% of cases it is the man who first entertains the idea of polygyny. However, in my circumstance it was me who brought the idea first to my husband. It took him a while to come to grips with the reality that his wife was asking him to consider bringing in another woman, haha! I guess I am the rare exception on this forum. In saying that, I would be happy to answer any questions your wife may have. Perhaps hearing it from the female perspective might help.
 
Welcome to BF!
Kilian said:
. On marriage, we established rules-of-engagement, which are a set of rules on how we will attend to arguments within our marriage. These have held up to date, but alas we have found that these rules are not robust to survive a discussion of polygamy between my dear wife and I.
Click to expand...
Throw away any thoughts you had on how this was going to go. The way society acts, perfectly reasonable people act, loving family members, and especially wives, does not hold up to much reasonable explanation. Throw out any preconceived ideas and start from scratch.
Begin by purely loving your wife, that is all.
 
Kilian said:
We are Boers...
Click to expand...

Like from South Africa? Cool! I am familiar with tham from being a big Winston Churchill fan.

Kilian said:
You might divorce on paper, but when children are involved, you are married for life.
Click to expand...

Isn't that the truth! Well said.

Kilian said:
I was introduced by the topic of biblical polygamy, by my mother in law when she challenged me to prove that polygamy was not supported Biblically.
Click to expand...

Like @ZecAustin said, that is a first!

Kilian said:
By the grace of Father YHWH, I will commence my masters in family law pushing for the recognition of plural marriage.
Click to expand...

I think most polygamists will settle for decriminalization for now.

Kilian said:
A marriage that has always been based on logical rational reasoning suddenly faces challenges beyond my control.
Click to expand...

The control you thought you had before was a myth. God has blessed you by showing you the reality.

Kilian said:
I am suddenly too dumb and spiritually immature to resolve the challenges.
Click to expand...

The transformation that is your spiritual worship is not a one time thing. It is like those Russian dolls. Once you get one shell off it is time to take the next one off.

Kilian said:
I have been lurking on this forum for some time now and realise that I need guidance.
Click to expand...

We are all sitting around waiting for @andrew to finish writing the book (sorry running joke, I think).

Kilian said:
Within the circumstances, it is truly a pleasure to engage this forum officially.
Click to expand...

Welcome! I am very glad you found us.
 
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Thank you for welcoming me to the forum. As pointed out earlier: I will provide you with a detailed account of what has transpired. My dear wife is truly a wonderful person and quick-witted as well. If I created the impression that she solely responsible for the break down in communication, I would be a liar. As soon as I'm done writing what actually ensued, you will come to no other conclusion than: 'You both were silly approaching an unconventional matter through conventional means.' I am responsible for the initial rupture, and she is responsible for not handling it according to Galatians 5:22.

Before you continue to jump to conclusions, kindly grant us the courtesy to provide you with what actually transpired. I must state that since posting my introduction, we have had a major breakthrough, which was achieved through prayer from brothers and sisters in Messiah on this forum, and our Heavenly Father's grace. We do not deserve it, but we are truly grateful.

NurseMo said:
Ok, so to summarize:
1. You think PM is acceptable
2. She does not (?)
3. Y'all can't even discuss the topic civilly.

Is that about right?

BTW, even IF she's able to accept it logically you still have the emotions to contend with, and emotions usually trump logic when initially discussing PM, especially to your wife. So, "winning" the argument, using logic, is probably not going to work. Let me rephrase that......Logic isn't going to work with her. At least not right now. I tend to be a very logical and practical woman (at least I like to think I am). But not in PM. Sometimes, logic just goes right out the window, no matter how hard I try to hold on to it.
Click to expand...

We both believe polygamy is acceptable, I just think when the next step followed the insecurity kicked in. I am of the humble opinion that I did not act appropriately. My wife is my equal, although I believe her to be smarter than I am, she is truly my equal. She is my partner and the person with whom I want to pursue all future endeavours. She is the wife of my youth, the one who moulded me to be the person I am today.

Ancient Paths said:
Shalom and welcome, Kilian.
We'll be praying for you both.
Click to expand...

Thank you.

Jennifer said:
Welcome! Is your wife willing to join the forum? In 99% of cases it is the man who first entertains the idea of polygyny. However, in my circumstance it was me who brought the idea first to my husband. It took him a while to come to grips with the reality that his wife was asking him to consider bringing in another woman, haha! I guess I am the rare exception on this forum. In saying that, I would be happy to answer any questions your wife may have. Perhaps hearing it from the female perspective might help.
Click to expand...

I did mention this to her. We appreciate it.

ZecAustin said:
Did I read that right? Did you say that your mother-in-law convince your of the truth of poly? That is a first I can assure you. Maybe you can get her to help bring her daughter to heel. And as a lawyer and an music minister you will find yourself in some familiar company.
Click to expand...

Dear sir, I think you may have miss read my post.

FollowingHim2 said:
Welcome to BF!
Throw away any thoughts you had on how this was going to go. The way society acts, perfectly reasonable people act, loving family members, and especially wives, does not hold up to much reasonable explanation. Throw out any preconceived ideas and start from scratch.
Begin by purely loving your wife, that is all.
Click to expand...

It is clear that we qualified as Babylonians, and practised as Babylonians and approach the matter as Babylonians. Prisoners of a western society.

cnystrom said:
Like from South Africa? Cool! I am familiar with tham from being a big Winston Churchill fan.
Click to expand...

Yes, we are from South Africa, living in Canada at present.
 
cnystrom said:
We are all sitting around waiting for @andrew to finish writing the book (sorry running joke, I think).
Click to expand...
Hahahaha.....

And I have to give my ritual comeback: If there's ever a book from me it may just be to tell my story, but a book of 'technique'—even one based on generalizations drawn from actual experience and statistics—would give the impression that this is a skill to be mastered, when the only real skill to be mastered is daily face-down dependence on God for direction and wisdom. The fundamentals of plural living are the fundamentals of Christian discipleship: humility, forgiveness, patience, fortitude in the face of persecution, etc. "The Book" has already been written, and most of us already own several different translations of it....
 
Welcome. Glad you are here.
 
Greetings Kilian and wife! Sorry for the late welcome, I have not had much time this week to be on BF. I look forward to reading more of your journey and hopefully getting to know your wife at some point. I am a firm believer in that to make it in the "realm" of polygny you must have support. I truly hope we can be a good support for both of you.
 
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