So, I posted this over on our blog today. But, because I know that not everyone is a blog follower, and there are so many people here that have kind of seen me bounce around on this poly journey since 2016, here on the forums, that it would be appropriate to post this here, too. So, for all of you that helped me out through the years, thank you. You know who you are--and if you don't, I do. 
When we decided to start this blog, I really had no idea how crazy life would be–let me tell you, God has a way of changing things at an exponential rate. I had this whole plan this year to sit at home, in my cozy computer chair whilst simultaneously wearing my “Super Mom” cape and homeschooling my four children (thank you, Alex, for helping with that!), sipping tea or whatever carbonated beverage we may have stock-piled in the the fridge, and busting my butt to work on my degree. And, you know, after that, reading all those books on my To-Be-Read list. And all of this would have worked out great–except, life.
I cannot express enough the amount of changes occurring in our home right now. But, that post will come later this week–hopefully. Let me just say, that as I change my “Super Mom” cape to a “Mediocre Mom-But Trying” cape, and still homeschool those four kids, and sip coffee (instead of my precious tea) sometimes just to stay awake, and still bust my butt at school, because–well, it’s not my professors’ fault that our life has gone crazy all over a “what if” (curious, yet? Oh, just you wait!), I’m realizing how poly has prepared me for a life of evolution and the principles of being open to anything.
If you’re one of those people who balks at changed plans in life and it stresses you out if all of a sudden you have to rearrange your life because of someone else’s choices–Well, I hope God manages to show you how to handle those issues a little less radically than He showed me–or maybe not. Change has always made me fearful–I’ve always welcomed change like an only child welcomes the new baby in the family–with disdain and trepidation. Which, I guess is apt because I am an only child. God totally knew his audience.
With that said, when I befriended Alex, I had no idea how my life would change. I didn’t know that her presence would rock the foundation that I’d built up my whole life, hopes, and dreams on. In fact, I remember telling her at one point that if I could do it over again, I’d probably never have befriended her. In hindsight, that’s not probably even worth the thought. One, because I love Alex now and believe she enriches my life. And, two, because I’ve seen enough in the past four years now to know that if God wants something to happen–well, it’s going to happen and you better just get your ass on board.
So, when I befriended Alex all those years ago, we clicked. I found a kindred spirit and she found me. And then she found my husband. Okay, it wasn’t quite as abrupt as all that. But, it happened “organically” as we like to say. It wasn’t even planned, contrary to what people may say or believe. Why are people always so eager to believe the worst of you? Okay, maybe I’ll tackle that question down the road…
I’ve never believed in all my years as a Christian that polygamy was bad. I mean, what kind of God declares to His child David, through Nathan, “And I gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your arms…and if this were too little, I would add to you as much more.” 2 Samuel 12: 7-8 (emphasis mine) What God SAYS that and DOES that and then turns around, changes His mind, and counts it as SIN to take more than one wife? What kind of God uses the patriarchs of the Bible, many who had other wives, to illustrate what headship in marriage looks like and then sends His children to hell for the very same act? The answer? That doesn’t happen.
So, when God brought this to me–because it was probably me first–I didn’t even hesitate. I brought it up to Alex and let the chips fall where they may. I won’t get into all the details of how exactly it happened. I like to save that story for those that I’m face-to-face with. But, the how isn’t important. It’s the why.
Even though I was willing to go down this path, I will say that I did it while stomping my feet and throwing a fit–mature, I know. And I did this for about four years. I was hurt. I was angry. I was jealous. I was HATEFUL. I was irate. My emotions were all over the place. Even though I knew this was His course, it wasn’t mine and I felt gypped. I was gypped out of the life I thought I deserved. Once Alex decided she wanted to be a part of our family despite the sacrifices poly would take, I got ill. I knew that my life was forever altered. I knew that I wouldn’t be the ONLY anymore. I wouldn’t be the “apple of my husband’s eye”. So, then, what the heck was I even needed for? What was my purpose?
Jealousy and insecurity are tricky things. They’ll tell you that it’s THEIR fault you feel this way. It’s the husband’s fault that I feel less-than. It’s the sister wife’s fault that I feel like I’m not good enough, pretty enough, or worth it. THOSE ARE LIES. Satan used the one thing in my life that I had taken pride in the most–my marriage–and tempted me to abandon them because of MY misconceptions.
God, in turn, shaped me and molded me into the kind of wife, sisterwife, mother, who now looks at every opportunity as one for growth. As an opportunity to, “look to the interests of others”. Phillippians 2:4. And to not seek my own good, “but the good of [my] neighbor”. 1 Cor. 10:24.
To put it bluntly, poly has made me a better person. But, first, I became worse. I became a Christine that would have shocked me a year before to see. Some of the things I said were horrendously cruel. Especially to my husband. Who, I may add, chose to love me through all my cruelties.
But, that’s not the point, either. The point is that poly came, and it’s here. And, after all the dust settles, I’m a better me. Alex is a better Alex. Isaac is a better Isaac. Angela is a better Angela. And the kids are going to grow up and be better because in this house, we don’t worry about what we want. We worry about what is good for others. In this house, we teach our children NOT to assume the worst of others, but to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. In this house, grace is gifted out like that nasty fruitcake at Christmas–generously and with great eagerness. Well, okay, most of the time. The eagerness is being worked on. Even by myself.
So, while, poly was one of the most difficult things that I ever experienced–it’s like childbirth–the rewards outweigh the pains. And in the end, I know that all the experiences on this earth are temporary and completely not the point–it’s in how we handle those experiences that count.
~Christine
When we decided to start this blog, I really had no idea how crazy life would be–let me tell you, God has a way of changing things at an exponential rate. I had this whole plan this year to sit at home, in my cozy computer chair whilst simultaneously wearing my “Super Mom” cape and homeschooling my four children (thank you, Alex, for helping with that!), sipping tea or whatever carbonated beverage we may have stock-piled in the the fridge, and busting my butt to work on my degree. And, you know, after that, reading all those books on my To-Be-Read list. And all of this would have worked out great–except, life.
I cannot express enough the amount of changes occurring in our home right now. But, that post will come later this week–hopefully. Let me just say, that as I change my “Super Mom” cape to a “Mediocre Mom-But Trying” cape, and still homeschool those four kids, and sip coffee (instead of my precious tea) sometimes just to stay awake, and still bust my butt at school, because–well, it’s not my professors’ fault that our life has gone crazy all over a “what if” (curious, yet? Oh, just you wait!), I’m realizing how poly has prepared me for a life of evolution and the principles of being open to anything.
If you’re one of those people who balks at changed plans in life and it stresses you out if all of a sudden you have to rearrange your life because of someone else’s choices–Well, I hope God manages to show you how to handle those issues a little less radically than He showed me–or maybe not. Change has always made me fearful–I’ve always welcomed change like an only child welcomes the new baby in the family–with disdain and trepidation. Which, I guess is apt because I am an only child. God totally knew his audience.
With that said, when I befriended Alex, I had no idea how my life would change. I didn’t know that her presence would rock the foundation that I’d built up my whole life, hopes, and dreams on. In fact, I remember telling her at one point that if I could do it over again, I’d probably never have befriended her. In hindsight, that’s not probably even worth the thought. One, because I love Alex now and believe she enriches my life. And, two, because I’ve seen enough in the past four years now to know that if God wants something to happen–well, it’s going to happen and you better just get your ass on board.
So, when I befriended Alex all those years ago, we clicked. I found a kindred spirit and she found me. And then she found my husband. Okay, it wasn’t quite as abrupt as all that. But, it happened “organically” as we like to say. It wasn’t even planned, contrary to what people may say or believe. Why are people always so eager to believe the worst of you? Okay, maybe I’ll tackle that question down the road…
I’ve never believed in all my years as a Christian that polygamy was bad. I mean, what kind of God declares to His child David, through Nathan, “And I gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your arms…and if this were too little, I would add to you as much more.” 2 Samuel 12: 7-8 (emphasis mine) What God SAYS that and DOES that and then turns around, changes His mind, and counts it as SIN to take more than one wife? What kind of God uses the patriarchs of the Bible, many who had other wives, to illustrate what headship in marriage looks like and then sends His children to hell for the very same act? The answer? That doesn’t happen.
So, when God brought this to me–because it was probably me first–I didn’t even hesitate. I brought it up to Alex and let the chips fall where they may. I won’t get into all the details of how exactly it happened. I like to save that story for those that I’m face-to-face with. But, the how isn’t important. It’s the why.
Even though I was willing to go down this path, I will say that I did it while stomping my feet and throwing a fit–mature, I know. And I did this for about four years. I was hurt. I was angry. I was jealous. I was HATEFUL. I was irate. My emotions were all over the place. Even though I knew this was His course, it wasn’t mine and I felt gypped. I was gypped out of the life I thought I deserved. Once Alex decided she wanted to be a part of our family despite the sacrifices poly would take, I got ill. I knew that my life was forever altered. I knew that I wouldn’t be the ONLY anymore. I wouldn’t be the “apple of my husband’s eye”. So, then, what the heck was I even needed for? What was my purpose?
Jealousy and insecurity are tricky things. They’ll tell you that it’s THEIR fault you feel this way. It’s the husband’s fault that I feel less-than. It’s the sister wife’s fault that I feel like I’m not good enough, pretty enough, or worth it. THOSE ARE LIES. Satan used the one thing in my life that I had taken pride in the most–my marriage–and tempted me to abandon them because of MY misconceptions.
God, in turn, shaped me and molded me into the kind of wife, sisterwife, mother, who now looks at every opportunity as one for growth. As an opportunity to, “look to the interests of others”. Phillippians 2:4. And to not seek my own good, “but the good of [my] neighbor”. 1 Cor. 10:24.
To put it bluntly, poly has made me a better person. But, first, I became worse. I became a Christine that would have shocked me a year before to see. Some of the things I said were horrendously cruel. Especially to my husband. Who, I may add, chose to love me through all my cruelties.
But, that’s not the point, either. The point is that poly came, and it’s here. And, after all the dust settles, I’m a better me. Alex is a better Alex. Isaac is a better Isaac. Angela is a better Angela. And the kids are going to grow up and be better because in this house, we don’t worry about what we want. We worry about what is good for others. In this house, we teach our children NOT to assume the worst of others, but to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. In this house, grace is gifted out like that nasty fruitcake at Christmas–generously and with great eagerness. Well, okay, most of the time. The eagerness is being worked on. Even by myself.
So, while, poly was one of the most difficult things that I ever experienced–it’s like childbirth–the rewards outweigh the pains. And in the end, I know that all the experiences on this earth are temporary and completely not the point–it’s in how we handle those experiences that count.
~Christine
