Im new to this and have a tonne of questions! Please chime in :)

[MadameBlueberry]

Hi!
I am new to this world after years of thinking it would be a wonderful way to live. I have many questions but will start with just a few

I have met a man who has stolen my heart. He has a wife of 17 years and 8 children!
He and his wife always intended to be monogamous but she began to explore polygamy just over a year ago and discovered it IS biblical. She showed the facts to her husband and he looked into it for himself and was right on board.

We met last summer and had loads in common so we started spending more time together. I felt pretty guilty for developing feelings for him but, before I even had chance to sort myself out (so to speak ) my friend said she wanted me as a sister wife! It was funny because I’d had a dream that she asked me and they both sat me down to talk about it.
Anyway, things went from there and we found we are all extremely compatible. I can hardly believe my friend is so willing to share her husband, seemingly without jealousy, so that would make the whole process so much easier.
He is so amazing in so many ways and I can hardly contain my excitement at the ‘maybe’ of becoming part of their family. It would be such a huge blessing and answer to prayer!

Seeing as this is Not something I always planned to do, and we don’t know anyone else irl who is doing it, I have a few questions!

Our situation is a little different in that my potential sister wife WOULD need to be in agreement to there being another wife because they both entered marriage with monogamy in mind. She and I are friends but we aren’t super close. They have a very close and loving bond, but we connect in very different ways. I am concerned about her feeling pushed out and would never want that! How can I make her feel as comfortable as possible as our relationship develops?

How would you propose interacting with children so they grow to accept and hopefully love me? They have No idea what we are hoping to do and it could potentially really upset the three eldest. I don’t want to drive them away or have them turn against me but I honestly have no idea how to interact with teenagers ‍

I’ll just leave it at that for now, but if you have Any advice, related to my questions or not, I would be extremely grateful for any and all input

 

[FollowingHim2]

Welcome to Biblical Families!
First of all, I'd like to invite you along to the ladies chat. The chat is at the top of the page. It's every Monday night, 7.30pm Eastern time, you're most welcome to join us, as is your future sisterwife if she makes her own account .

I can't give you any advice on speaking to teenagers. My oldest child is about to turn 12, and he's grown up with the understanding that PM was biblical, so I have no experience there! The only thing I would say is that it's possible they may react out of fear that their parents would end up divorcing over this, so give them lets of reassurance that this won't be the case.

As for your future sisterwife, well, she's going to have those feelings. She's going to at times feel jealous, and pushed out, and like she's not the most interesting person in the room. It doesn't mean those feelings are founded on anything, it's just the way of things. She will need to deal with those feelings, and you will have your own things to go through. As wonderful as it is to want to make sure she doesn't feel pushed out, remember that her feelings are on her. Do be kind and generous, and give her the space that she needs to be able to deal with all the issues that this journey brings.

My biggest tip, make sure to communicate. I mean, really communicate. In a healthy productive way of course. Keep up dialogue with your future hubby and SW, so you all know where you stand and how you're all feeling about things.

 

[EK8]

Hi!
I am new to this world after years of thinking it would be a wonderful way to live. I have many questions but will start with just a few

I have met a man who has stolen my heart. He has a wife of 17 years and 8 children!
He and his wife always intended to be monogamous but she began to explore polygamy just over a year ago and discovered it IS biblical. She showed the facts to her husband and he looked into it for himself and was right on board.

We met last summer and had loads in common so we started spending more time together. I felt pretty guilty for developing feelings for him but, before I even had chance to sort myself out (so to speak ) my friend said she wanted me as a sister wife! It was funny because I’d had a dream that she asked me and they both sat me down to talk about it.
Anyway, things went from there and we found we are all extremely compatible. I can hardly believe my friend is so willing to share her husband, seemingly without jealousy, so that would make the whole process so much easier.
He is so amazing in so many ways and I can hardly contain my excitement at the ‘maybe’ of becoming part of their family. It would be such a huge blessing and answer to prayer!

Seeing as this is Not something I always planned to do, and we don’t know anyone else irl who is doing it, I have a few questions!

Our situation is a little different in that my potential sister wife WOULD need to be in agreement to there being another wife because they both entered marriage with monogamy in mind. She and I are friends but we aren’t super close. They have a very close and loving bond, but we connect in very different ways. I am concerned about her feeling pushed out and would never want that! How can I make her feel as comfortable as possible as our relationship develops?

How would you propose interacting with children so they grow to accept and hopefully love me? They have No idea what we are hoping to do and it could potentially really upset the three eldest. I don’t want to drive them away or have them turn against me but I honestly have no idea how to interact with teenagers ‍

I’ll just leave it at that for now, but if you have Any advice, related to my questions or not, I would be extremely grateful for any and all input

Hello,

I am a second wife and have been with my husband and SW for 5 years. Before me, they were together for 15 years and have 5 kids together. I now have one child with my husband and one on the way. To enter into marriage we all had to agree to it. My sister-wife said she agreed to me marrying our husband and becoming her sister wife. Being in this type of relationship is about communication. Everyone has to be open and can not hold things in. When something happens one of us usually goes to our husband and he helps to settle the matter. Sometimes it's how we are viewing things and other times we all three sit down and talk about it. Conflicts get resolved together. I would also talk to her and see how she would like things to go. Also, everyone must realize that things can never be equal. Each of us does not expect a date just because the other person went on a date or our husband's time can equally be split between the two of us. When I entered the family the oldest was 12 and it just took time. The younger kids are easy and sometimes call me mom, which is something we have decided not to correct. For the most part, they call me M (for mother) and then my name because I am a mother to them. I do not know much about teenagers, but I would think it would take time. Relationships don't form over night and trust and respect take time. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask!

K8

 

[MeganC]

Just me but I'd suggest just moving in with the family for a while. Keep it platonic and just make sure you fit in with everyone before you commit. Give yourself a month or so at least before you commit. That way you can make sure the husband and wife are both on board with moving to the next step AND if it doesn't work out then it's easy to just move out. If you get romantic from the start then it's harder to get out of the relationship and the experience can do some lasting damage to the marriage you're trying to join.

 

[Dione]

I am a second wife and from experience, what these ladies have said is very true.

As much as you want to assist your future SW, you have to let her deal with her own feelings. Despite your best intentions, your help may be seen as further interference in an existing marriage. Be patient, be understanding, be humble, be respectful, show love, be merciful, and be kind to the struggle of the first wife. You never know if one day you will be in a similar position with the entering of a third.

Allow God to be your guide in everything; His grace, mercy, and love will be everything the family needs. Rely on your husband when things get tough, he is the head and he will be your rock. I have found nothing to be more true than submitting to your husband as you would submit to Christ and you will be blessed.

When jealousy shows up (or if, I suppose) stop your thoughts, pray for clarity, and work through it with your husband (and SW as applicable and appropriate). There will be times when you and/or your SW may feel you're not getting enough (of something), in those times start with prayer, allow yourself to see what you are getting, and turn to your husband for support.

This life can be challenging. It can work nerves you didn't know you had, it can make you question your decision, and it can test your faith...but it is also a beautiful blessing! It gives additional support, love, and companionship that you just don't find anywhere else. There is nothing in this world that can even compare to the blessings of a plural family!

As for the kids, give them time. There may be days where you have to sit down and explain that you aren't replacing their mother, or that this is also your home (if you're moving into the family's current home), or that you are there to support them as well. Pray for guidance in dealing with them, and trust that God will give it. Children (even teenagers) are more accepting of change than we adults generally give them credit for.

In all of it, trust and rely on your faith. With the good and the not so good, it will all work out to the glory of God.

 

[Bina]

I am a second wife and from experience, what these ladies have said is very true.

As much as you want to assist your future SW, you have to let her deal with her own feelings. Despite your best intentions, your help may be seen as further interference in an existing marriage. Be patient, be understanding, be humble, be respectful, show love, be merciful, and be kind to the struggle of the first wife. You never know if one day you will be in a similar position with the entering of a third.

Allow God to be your guide in everything; His grace, mercy, and love will be everything the family needs. Rely on your husband when things get tough, he is the head and he will be your rock. I have found nothing to be more true than submitting to your husband as you would submit to Christ and you will be blessed.

When jealousy shows up (or if, I suppose) stop your thoughts, pray for clarity, and work through it with your husband (and SW as applicable and appropriate). There will be times when you and/or your SW may feel you're not getting enough (of something), in those times start with prayer, allow yourself to see what you are getting, and turn to your husband for support.

This life can be challenging. It can work nerves you didn't know you had, it can make you question your decision, and it can test your faith...but it is also a beautiful blessing! It gives additional support, love, and companionship that you just don't find anywhere else. There is nothing in this world that can even compare to the blessings of a plural family!

As for the kids, give them time. There may be days where you have to sit down and explain that you aren't replacing their mother, or that this is also your home (if you're moving into the family's current home), or that you are there to support them as well. Pray for guidance in dealing with them, and trust that God will give it. Children (even teenagers) are more accepting of change than we adults generally give them credit for.

In all of it, trust and rely on your faith. With the good and the not so good, it will all work out to the glory of God.

fantastic!