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Prayer request intense parenting guilt

good grief, he leads a normal life i think, has enough danger to make him manly. it's just not my place to set up moderately dangerous scenarios for him.
i take that comment from revoltingman to be funny, even in my alarmed state.
and i know y'all don't know me well but i have a 22 year old son too, who was basically a fearless child, he raised me. i also have two (insane) brothers, so i'm not immune to male craziness, or i mean dangerous activities...
g :)
 
You’re doing fine. Give him something moderately dangerous to do. It will work itself out.
Just wondering, and please know that I'm asking this rhetorically, which means I assume the answer is no: has it been your intention ever since your boy was in the womb that you were raising him to grow up to be a woman?@The Revolting Man is pointing to the necessity to expose your sons to the moderately dangerous so they can gain practice dealing with the world as it is, which is dangerous. It's tough. It's broken. Its machines break down -- and need to be fixed, typically with at least some risk of permanent damage to life and limb.

It's a mother's job to nurture and protect her children, but it can be taken too far, and one of the worst ways to take it too far is to prevent one's sons from being fully prepared to be men. In general, men have done such a good job of being men that women are permitted to be oblivious of what it took to make life seem so idyllic. I'm not saying that it seems idyllic to you, @ginger2, or that the next thing I'll write is unfamiliar to you, either, but men create, organize and provide the vast majority of the structure, protection, guidance and sacrifice that keeps the world women depend on in working order. Men who learn to enjoy the moderately dangerous are monumentally more likely to become part of the cohort that sustains that working order, instead of growing up to be girly boys. They are also more likely to live robust, long lives instead of being taken out along the way by the very real dangers that they weren't given practice handling. Sons also have self-preservation instincts. I'm not -- and I know @The Revolting Man is not -- suggesting that you send your son out into traffic on an Interstate highway to play a game of hopscotch. He's suggesting that you provide him with an opportunity to experience just enough danger that his senses will be on high enough alert that he can enjoy the thrill of being on the edge and yet still be engaged in ensuring that he survives in order to tackle one after another of the successive dangers he will face in life.
That was just so well said, guys ^^^^^^^. I couldn’t agree more.
 
he DOES manipulate me (using my emotions)
whoever said that... lemme see,
keith.
how do i stop them all from doing that??
both sons and the men they each call dad
 
he DOES manipulate me (using my emotions)
whoever said that... lemme see,
keith.
how do i stop them all from doing that??
both sons and the men they each call dad
The only way to extinguish manipulative behaviors is by refraining from rewarding them. Be as bored as possible, for example, when someone complains. Again, complaining is like boredom. Only whiners complain. If disclosing something one doesn't like isn't part of a request to assist in actually correcting the situation, then it's a manipulative ploy for sympathy, all of which lets people off the hook for not doing anything about it. And the reward comes in several forms. The most rewarding of all rewards is attention. Even negative attention trumps being ignored and is one of the main motivators children have to misbehave.

So, the thing to do is develop a quiver full of similar statements to rotate through that amount to, "I hear you," or "Uh huh," when one of them complains. But don't comment. If you get challenged for not commenting, just say something like, "Oh, I guess I missed it; did you ask me to help you change all that so it won't bother you?"

And then use the same general approach to any other form of manipulation, tailoring it for the circumstances.

[Addendum: as I was writing that I thought of a couple areas in my own life where I very much need to apply that advice!]
 
The only way to extinguish manipulative behaviors is by refraining from rewarding them. Be as bored as possible, for example, when someone complains. Again, complaining is like boredom. Only whiners complain. If disclosing something one doesn't like isn't part of a request to assist in actually correcting the situation, then it's a manipulative ploy for sympathy, all of which lets people off the hook for not doing anything about it. And the reward comes in several forms. The most rewarding of all rewards is attention. Even negative attention trumps being ignored and is one of the main motivators children have to misbehave.

So, the thing to do is develop a quiver full of similar statements to rotate through that amount to, "I hear you," or "Uh huh," when one of them complains. But don't comment. If you get challenged for not commenting, just say something like, "Oh, I guess I missed it; did you ask me to help you change all that so it won't bother you?"

And then use the same general approach to any other form of manipulation, tailoring it for the circumstances.

[Addendum: as I was writing that I thought of a couple areas in my own life where I very much need to apply that advice!]
Loving the advice!
I’ll never be too oldt to learn.
 
also, thought of revoltingman the other day when i walked up on my son making a bb gun target,
a gallon bag of water with a quart size bag inside, with water and old cherries to make a bloody mess when shot :D:eek:o_O
That is really creative.
 
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