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It is not about sex!!!

DaPastor

DaPastor

Member
Real Person
Many men who desire plural marriage think that it is about sex. The reality is that it is about love, responsibility and commitment. If one understands what the Bible says about the responsibility of the man to his wife and family, one will realize that this lifestyle should be entered into prayerfully and carefully. Do love your wife (each of them) as Christ loves the Church can be an overwhelming task. Plural marriage is not for those who just want to "multiply wives". It is for men who really desire to nuture, protect, lead, and love their family.
 
I'll see you and raise you one. (Hi, everybody.)

I have found over the years that people's responses to my lifestyle tell me everything I need to know about their marriages. Those that assume it's all about the sex show that they believe that marriage (including mono-marriage) is about sex. Occasionally, though, you get a response like "I can barely take care of one wife, I don't think I could manage two or three". That's a guy who knows that marriage is about responsibility and service. Probably make a good poly husband....
 
That is one of the issues that I try and reinforce about becoming poly ( working on it right now ). It is the fact that I have such a loving and caring heart that I feel compeled by the Lord to share it with our possible / future sisterwife. Like was said, I have a hard time taking care of one wife, so how am I to take care of 2? Well its called LOVE....a El-Shaddai kind of Love....a Jehovah-Tsidkenu kind of Love...a Jehovah-Rohi kind of Love.....the kind of Love that the Lord has and is always showing me.
 
G'day

Sex? hahahah........ sorry I have to laugh

When I got my second my sex life went to zero! seriously

Sex only fuels jelousy and envy between the girls, its unfair to them and before some one says "hey they want the intamicy" I would say that real love an intamicy is not sex.

A plural Marrage focused on sex is doomed as plural marrage is about sacrific, compassion, tollerance, support,understanding ,humility,forgivness, and striving for perfection in yourself not exspecting it from your spouses.

but hey we still got to have kids some how :o

Shaun
Jesus Said "the first is to Love God the Father"
 
Brother Shaun, if sex is creating jealousy and envy between your wives, then its probably time to sit down with them and work this problem out. Sex is a natural and important part of marriage, mono or plural. Jealousy is also an issue that needs to be addressed in any marriage... but even more so in plural.. jealousy is an indication of major insecurity issues and needs to be dealt with ASAP. Plural marriages can't afford jealousy if they are to be strong and whole. For me personally, I will be happy to share my husband with my sisterwife, because I would love them both and want them to be happy, as they would me.
 
In addition to that, men and women physiologically NEED sex. Women need it emotionally and physiologically. Men too.

Try to work that out with your wives, but remember it is for your (plural) health too.

Charles
 
Unfortunately, thinking polygamy must be about sex is the norm, mostly due to how sex is viewed by our culture. I think the wisest statement is that it shows another's position on sex and marriage when they automatically assume these motives of others. We have experienced some of this same eyebrow-raising when people find out there is a significant age difference between us....either she is a gold-digger or I am a sex-addict. Both assumptions lend an idea to what the person may have as their own motives for a similar relationship. I wish she was a gold-digger, that would mean I have some money! lol

We have found that after studying the scriptures concerning sex in plural marriage (not from our own experience yet) that it should be a very natural occurrence and it is healthy. There ought to be some red flags if things are not working: someone's getting jealous, competetive, or there is a lack of sexual intimacy.

We have also found that just considering the poly lifestyle has strengthened our intimacy because we have begun to work through some of the challenging issues discussed here, issues that we would not have talked about otherwise. It is probably fair to say, and chime-in anytime Chaplain and Pastor Randy, that intimacy starts between a man and God before it can develop properly between a man and his wife. Any marriage relationship that lacks intimacy may be indicative of a weakened spiritual relationship. I find my intimacy with my wife is directly proportional to how I am doing in my relationship with Jesus. It seems like Paul is eluding to this in Ephesians 5.

Just some food for thought, men.
 
3for1 wrote...."It is probably fair to say, and chime-in anytime Chaplain and Pastor Randy, that intimacy starts between a man and God before it can develop properly between a man and his wife."

You are correct in that, at least for me, while studying about poly....digging into Yahweh's word.....reading post on this and other boards.....reading commentaries that others have written........has brought me closer to my Lord than I have been in years. It has opened a closeness or brought about a more "intimate" relationship between me and my God. I have a confidence that I have not had in years about my relationship with Him and in turn with my wife. In so doing, though my wife may not agree 100% ( and when do they ever, ha, ha )it has brought to me a better appreciation for my wife, a more understanding of what my duties are as a husband and a different kind of Love for her that I did not have before. Thus having said that, we still have our ups and downs, misunderstandings and loud discussions as all couples will have....but the Lord is in the place that HE should have been all along, and that is at the Head of this train ride of life.
 
Greetings In Christ,

I had to reply to this topic.

The vast number of emails I have had from men (on other forums which claim to be about CHRISTIAN plural families) who don't get it. I am really getting put off plural family marriage.

I am not into BDSM nor am I bi-sexual. There's a lot of other stuff that makes my stomach turn which I won't mention- but gee whizz, if you are into things that are sick and twisted, don't email me!! (As well if you want a plural family and your first wife doesn't, don't email me- whilst you are the head of the house, I am not bringing my son into a negative household).

Intimacy is a part of a relationship, sure, but if that is all the marriage is about, then it is not a proper marriage. Remember that line "in sickness and in health". Are you lying to God when you say that? I have had emails from men who are only entertaining the idea of a plural family because their first wife can't have sex anymore or is barron. Any marriage that is based just on sex is not going to work, when it is missing the other stuff.

I have had emails from men who want a wife for each day of the week so their "sex life won't be boring". When people are sharing a life commitment all under the same roof, a whole host of other things are needed to make it work. Communication, sharing the same likes and dislikes, caring about others- if they get ill for whatever reason you don't just dump them like they are inferior. When children are in the picture they rely on you to provide and good nurturing environment. You role model to them, what relationships are about.

I have a 3yo son, I don't want him growing into man who thinks women are just there for his sexual pleasure and nothing more.

Like I said intimacy is part of a marriage, but it has to be more than just that or it is empty. Also, children need a father figure. He is not going to be much of a family man if he just comes home to "get laid". Children require a present father. Someone who will take them outside and throw a football. (good way to spend time if you have 10kids lol) Someone who will care about their grades. Someone who will be able to give advice from a mans perspective. Maybe he reads them a story before they go to bed. Kids look to their fathers to be loved and cared about. Not just someone who pays the bills.

I have no problems sharing a husband. I have no problems sharing a household or helping to raise children that did not come from my womb - I like kids and they all deserved to be loved and cared for. If a sister wife becomes ill then we all care about her welfare. I want plural family for normal healthy reasons.

One last thing.......when I reply to someones sordid email, telling them that I am not interested, they then, automatically assume that I have a problem with intimacy. Why do people just automatically link everything to sex?! Either you're a rabbit or people think you're like one of those animal species that only mates every 5 years.

God Bless
Pearl
 
"Fair dinkum", Pearl! (Did I use that right?)

I've certainly run into those types you have heard from too - and it's a primary reason for starting Biblical Families - to have a meeting place for those who have their heads on straight regarding family, and sex. It's also why we won't do classifieds, but prefer to introduce people as we get to know them.
 
Pearl these people can't be God fearing people. If they were they wouldn't treat a lady that way. They have no respect for you or themselves. God blesses our lives everyday so don't give up. There are good people still out here. Pray and He will answer.



Dairyfarmer
 
I really like what Pearl had to say about marriage and family; that's just the way I see marriage and family, too.

I've not had very much contact with sordid people such as you've described, Pearl - only two if I recall. But then again I'm not a woman and maybe that is the only reason I haven't noticed very much of this kind of behaviour.

At any rate, I do find such behaviour a shame and an embarassment for those of us who take marriage and family for the holy things that they are.
 
I think that the things that are wrong in monogamous marriage go wrong in plural marriage, but in plural marriage it is all magnified because of the many relationships that are affected. If a man is wanting poly because of sex, it is because that is what his monogamous marriage is based on.

A psychologist I once knew told me that in a good marriage sex is about 10% of a factor. In a bad marriage it is about 90%. I can understand that. In a good marriage you have all the "good stuff" to share. You have family, similar interests, companionship, serving the Lord. In a bad marriage, none of this stuff is either present or satisfying so you go back to the basic instincts.

Just a few thought of mine.

Sweet Lissa
 
none of this stuff is either present or satisfying so you go back to the basic instincts
Click to expand...
ain't that the truth?
and it's probably also why people kill each other when things don't go their way, rather much like Cain followed his basic instinct.

I've read several books that share the same train of thought, basically that in the garden, passion as a result of sin became unleashed and uncontrollable, resulting in mass chaos and confusion of thought and ration
HalleluYah we've been given a better way :!:
 
Chaplains Rose and I both have said this over and over again......A Covenant Relationship / Biblical Family relationship IS NOT about SEX.........It is about LOVE!!!!!!! The Love that a man and woman share between each other.....It's about the Love that two or more "sisterwives" share between each other.....It's about the Love that a man shares with and gives to his family and it's about the Love that we have for the Lord and His son Jesus, that we share with each other in a family. It's ALL about LOVE!!!!!!!!
 
Yep, it's all true
but you know, a lil sex now and then might actually happen :lol: :lol: :lol:
heck, how do you think the world came to be poplulated?
 
I am with Face on this one. I am all about the love but I am looking forward to the sex. I dont think I should feel guilty for craving sex from my wives of whom I love.
 
Brother Face....you too funny

sixth....Yes my Brother sex is and will be a part of it AFTER a commitment is made but SEX IS NOT NOR SHOULD BE THE driving force behind becoming a poly family. The sex part is an outward expression of of the inward commitment, in other words, the LOVE you have for your wives.
 
Yes of course you are right. I just find it funny that it seems that sex with our wives is a hush hush subject on the polygyny forum. I find it ironic.
 
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