Greetings Brothers and Sisters in Christ!
Hello, friends! Summer is just days away, and so is our big summer retreat, which remains our big news for this month – less than 3 weeks away, July 2nd-4th. It is not too late to request info and make your plans. Most families who are confirmed are planning to stay an extra night to the 5th, and we are very excited about the extra time for fellowship. This North Carolina mountain retreat is centrally located for everyone in the Eastern US (you westerners are welcome too!) We have multiple lodging options, and plenty to do for the children, and some interesting special sessions planned. Remember, we don’t post details here or online, you need to drop us a note at: retreats@biblicalfamilies.org to get the info, and ask questions. In last month’s newsletter we had more info on what makes the retreats so special, if you missed that, you can find it here.
That’s all of our news this month, as we are busy planning and praying for this event – please pray for those coming, and ask God if maybe you should still try to make it!
Thoughts on Family, by ‘Doc’
I was thinking about family and the future this week. As a child, my father and mother ran a honky-tonk, complete with blasting jukebox, pool tables and smoke hanging halfway in the air at all times. My mother passed away when I was seven, and my father, barely making ends meet trying to raise three boys, sought companionship and motherly help in a long succession of live-in girlfriends. In my teen years, he finally decided that we three boys would be better off living on a farm with his parents. All three of us graduated high school living under our grandparent’s roof.
The reason I share this is because my situation is not dissimilar to any number of people out there. When we were growing up, in many ways, we should have been considered damaged goods. We often joke that we didn’t just grow up on the other side of the tracks, we grew up ON the tracks (the train would go by just outside our window). Growing up in a bad atmosphere, being exposed to any number of bad relationships, the loss of our mother at an early age; any one of these factors should have destroyed us. It would not be surprising to hear that the end of this tale finds the three of us either in prison, on the run, or even dead.
But it doesn’t end that way. Instead, you find those three boys, all of them church goers, non-smokers, non-alcoholics, family oriented men. One is a city manager, now in his fifteenth year of service. Another is a park ranger, who, in spite of the loss of two children, still maintains a positive attitude on life. The third, yours truly, has served in ministry most of his adult life, planted churches, and served on the mission field.
What made the difference? Love.
When the four of us (my father included) moved in with my grandparents, my Grandmother made sure that we three boys were in church: twice on Sunday, and then on Wednesday. Of course, every one of us, including my father, protested this. But this was a family rule.
When we sat down to a meal, grandfather always made sure that we said grace. You did not eat until you said it, no matter how hungry you were. This was a family rule.
On the farm, everyone had a job. You may not have LIKED your job, but you had one anyway. It did not matter if you were 2 years old or 32, everyone had a job, whether it was shucking corn, shoveling manure, or slopping the hogs. On the farm, everyone worked together. This was a family rule.
At birthdays, we had a party, and presents. But we weren’t the most upscale family in town, so the presents we got may not have been the newest, or even what we asked for. Everyone had to give a gift to the person of honor, even if they had to make it themselves. This was a family rule.
When it came to presents, by the way, we did not get things like bicycles, expensive games, radios, or TVs. When we turned 16, we did not expect our dad or grandparents to go out and buy us a car. These things were considered luxuries, and if we wanted them, then we had to (gasp!) EARN the money for them! My first car was paid for with a winter of shoveling snow, a spring of cutting grass, and working a long hot summer for a local beekeeper. If you wanted a luxury, YOU paid for it. This was a family rule.
We also had respect for our elders. One time, when I was fifteen and knew everything there was to know in the world, I made an off-hand comment about my father and his short-comings, and got a laugh from a few of my friends. My sweet, Christian grandmother, standing nearby, overheard the comment. Even though I had a good foot of height and at least a fifty pound advantage on her, that little woman reached up and popped me on the cheek, right in front of my friends! She made it very clear and VERY vocal that you were to never, NEVER speak ill of your parents, no matter what, and quoted the fifth commandment. You showed respect: this was a family rule.
I spent my teen years living with my grandparents, my father, and my two brothers in a two bedroom, one bath mobile home. My bedroom consisted of a rollaway in the corner of the living room. Our TV received three channels. There was no internet. If we wanted to play sports, then we had to make sure all of our regular chores were done first.
In this world, a lot of people would look at just these few items, and call it ‘abuse’ or ‘neglect’.
Looking back, we three boys call it Love. This was also a family rule.
As we lead our own homes and families, I would ask that we consider the past. In this modern world of ours, we often find ourselves at wit’s end trying to keep everything together, to hold our marriages together, and to hold our families together. I am wondering if maybe, just maybe, if there might be a better way.
I am really wondering if we really mean what we say when we put ‘family first’. Does having a great job making a ton of money really mean anything if you miss your child’s first words because they are in day care? Does having the latest vehicle and the nicest house truly have any value if you are working yourself to death trying to hold on to it, and your wife and children do not recognize you, because you are never there? Does having all the latest toys, gadgets, video games, and high-def TVs with over 800 channels have any ETERNAL value if all we do is go off in a corner or to our room by ourselves, never interacting with those under our roof?
If God said to you, “For the sake of your family, walk away from it all,” could you do it?
You may be saying to yourself, “Spoken like someone who has nothing.” There is probably an ounce of truth to that. Maybe by losing it all I can now see what is truly valuable.
Blessings,
Doc
Hello, friends! Summer is just days away, and so is our big summer retreat, which remains our big news for this month – less than 3 weeks away, July 2nd-4th. It is not too late to request info and make your plans. Most families who are confirmed are planning to stay an extra night to the 5th, and we are very excited about the extra time for fellowship. This North Carolina mountain retreat is centrally located for everyone in the Eastern US (you westerners are welcome too!) We have multiple lodging options, and plenty to do for the children, and some interesting special sessions planned. Remember, we don’t post details here or online, you need to drop us a note at: retreats@biblicalfamilies.org to get the info, and ask questions. In last month’s newsletter we had more info on what makes the retreats so special, if you missed that, you can find it here.
That’s all of our news this month, as we are busy planning and praying for this event – please pray for those coming, and ask God if maybe you should still try to make it!
Thoughts on Family, by ‘Doc’
I was thinking about family and the future this week. As a child, my father and mother ran a honky-tonk, complete with blasting jukebox, pool tables and smoke hanging halfway in the air at all times. My mother passed away when I was seven, and my father, barely making ends meet trying to raise three boys, sought companionship and motherly help in a long succession of live-in girlfriends. In my teen years, he finally decided that we three boys would be better off living on a farm with his parents. All three of us graduated high school living under our grandparent’s roof.
The reason I share this is because my situation is not dissimilar to any number of people out there. When we were growing up, in many ways, we should have been considered damaged goods. We often joke that we didn’t just grow up on the other side of the tracks, we grew up ON the tracks (the train would go by just outside our window). Growing up in a bad atmosphere, being exposed to any number of bad relationships, the loss of our mother at an early age; any one of these factors should have destroyed us. It would not be surprising to hear that the end of this tale finds the three of us either in prison, on the run, or even dead.
But it doesn’t end that way. Instead, you find those three boys, all of them church goers, non-smokers, non-alcoholics, family oriented men. One is a city manager, now in his fifteenth year of service. Another is a park ranger, who, in spite of the loss of two children, still maintains a positive attitude on life. The third, yours truly, has served in ministry most of his adult life, planted churches, and served on the mission field.
What made the difference? Love.
When the four of us (my father included) moved in with my grandparents, my Grandmother made sure that we three boys were in church: twice on Sunday, and then on Wednesday. Of course, every one of us, including my father, protested this. But this was a family rule.
When we sat down to a meal, grandfather always made sure that we said grace. You did not eat until you said it, no matter how hungry you were. This was a family rule.
On the farm, everyone had a job. You may not have LIKED your job, but you had one anyway. It did not matter if you were 2 years old or 32, everyone had a job, whether it was shucking corn, shoveling manure, or slopping the hogs. On the farm, everyone worked together. This was a family rule.
At birthdays, we had a party, and presents. But we weren’t the most upscale family in town, so the presents we got may not have been the newest, or even what we asked for. Everyone had to give a gift to the person of honor, even if they had to make it themselves. This was a family rule.
When it came to presents, by the way, we did not get things like bicycles, expensive games, radios, or TVs. When we turned 16, we did not expect our dad or grandparents to go out and buy us a car. These things were considered luxuries, and if we wanted them, then we had to (gasp!) EARN the money for them! My first car was paid for with a winter of shoveling snow, a spring of cutting grass, and working a long hot summer for a local beekeeper. If you wanted a luxury, YOU paid for it. This was a family rule.
We also had respect for our elders. One time, when I was fifteen and knew everything there was to know in the world, I made an off-hand comment about my father and his short-comings, and got a laugh from a few of my friends. My sweet, Christian grandmother, standing nearby, overheard the comment. Even though I had a good foot of height and at least a fifty pound advantage on her, that little woman reached up and popped me on the cheek, right in front of my friends! She made it very clear and VERY vocal that you were to never, NEVER speak ill of your parents, no matter what, and quoted the fifth commandment. You showed respect: this was a family rule.
I spent my teen years living with my grandparents, my father, and my two brothers in a two bedroom, one bath mobile home. My bedroom consisted of a rollaway in the corner of the living room. Our TV received three channels. There was no internet. If we wanted to play sports, then we had to make sure all of our regular chores were done first.
In this world, a lot of people would look at just these few items, and call it ‘abuse’ or ‘neglect’.
Looking back, we three boys call it Love. This was also a family rule.
As we lead our own homes and families, I would ask that we consider the past. In this modern world of ours, we often find ourselves at wit’s end trying to keep everything together, to hold our marriages together, and to hold our families together. I am wondering if maybe, just maybe, if there might be a better way.
I am really wondering if we really mean what we say when we put ‘family first’. Does having a great job making a ton of money really mean anything if you miss your child’s first words because they are in day care? Does having the latest vehicle and the nicest house truly have any value if you are working yourself to death trying to hold on to it, and your wife and children do not recognize you, because you are never there? Does having all the latest toys, gadgets, video games, and high-def TVs with over 800 channels have any ETERNAL value if all we do is go off in a corner or to our room by ourselves, never interacting with those under our roof?
If God said to you, “For the sake of your family, walk away from it all,” could you do it?
You may be saying to yourself, “Spoken like someone who has nothing.” There is probably an ounce of truth to that. Maybe by losing it all I can now see what is truly valuable.
Blessings,
Doc