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Learning to love the idea of having a sister wife

Tirtza said:
Wonderful story. My husband always wanted another wife. But.he never wanted to replace me just add. He is an amazing man and I was worried about losing him. But 5 years ago we renewed our commitment to each other and I watched sister wifes and realized I was being prepared for a sister/wife. Last year we meet our sister/wife. And they got married in October of last year. She is my best friend and sister. I love her as much as she loves me. We have ups and downs but.we talk and and work at getting.over the hump. When the time is right Hashem will send u who is to be the part of ur family. I pray you get the one from Hashem. I know.we.did and wouldn't change it for the world
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Cool. I would love to hear more of your story. How did he find her? How did he explain it to her? How did she react? How did you feel when you first met her? Did they have a wedding when they got married, and if so were you involved? Have you told your families, yet, and if so how did they react? What have been the biggest challenges?
 
We found her on a site that was just to find friends which we also put we was looking for a friend/ sister/wife. We told her we wanted a friend for me to have a friend as much as a sister which I have never had. She said she was interested to see where it went. We all 3 went on dates together to see if we could become friends and for.me.to become stronger in a friendship relationship with her. I feel in love with her and knew Hashem had sent her to be a part of our family. Our children know but.my family doesn't and that is ok. It is not any of their business cause it.is for us. It is what we feel Hashem wants us to do. Our children are good with it. And they love her as much as we do. She lives with us so me and her.get along great. It is like we have always have known each other. Yes they had a private wedding. It we me and.our boys were the only ones. It was a Jewish wedding so she bought him a tallit and he bought her a ring. They made vows and that was enough. The biggest challenge is for us to learn how to talk to each other and to trust. But our husband is awesome. He does not treat us different from each other. If he kisses me he kisses her. I get a hug so does she. If he does something for.me he does somsometh for her. They had their 1st anniversary in October and I sent them away for the weekend and planned it all. We get along very well and we still sometimes have things come up we have to over come but we do not fight and we try not to go to bed hurt or angry with each other. We live to tell others but some people just dont really ask or talk to us. Which is fine.
 
Now trust me. It is sometimes not.easy. I have been with my husband for going on 36 years. And I already dont have a relationship with my parents and other family members. But I love my husband enough that he reminds me that he never wanted to replace me just add to me and our family. I prayed for Hashem to send me a person to not only to be his second wife but to also be my friend/sister/wife. For us to get along so well. And He did. So when u believe you are being called to have another wife. Make sure Hashem sends them and make sure ur 1st wife is comfortable with her and the decision. The wives have to get along for this to work. If they cant get along then the husband is stressed out trying to put out fires. Like my husband said. He can fix me and him or her and him. But he cant fix me and her. So my sister/wife and me have to be honest and trust each other. Our husband had a triple bypass a year ago Friday. So this is a special time for us that we realize time is short and when u find that friendship in your relationship with our husband and each other then all is going to go well.
 
I have a question. And if I'm not to ask I will understand. How many of u have 2 or more wives? I have never asked. But I was wondering who is on here that is first wife and how.did you guys feel about having a sister/wife
 
@Tirtza, I am a wife of 32 years and we have been a plural family for 23 years. I know it would be nice to have a list of some sort to help you identify plural families but since this is a public forum and people come and go the list would always be changing. The best way is to keep reading posts and make a mental note (or write it down some place) when you read about a plural connection. Asking is always fine, too. :) I am sure some will reply to your question, so your list will have a good start.

Do I dare say, we need a label for plural members? The labeling might be getting out of hand around here. ;)
 
Let’s just get to know one another as real people and leave those particular labels in the drawer. With time your mental picture of each person will become more clear.
 
I was reading this on a blog about polygamy and I would like to know is this a true statement:

"To survive as a plural wife, you can’t be possessive about sex as a woman. As a plural wife, a woman has to understand that she is a receiver of her husband’s manhood, and he is a giver. Your goal as a plural wife is to make sure you receive your husband whenever he wants to give and you just enjoy him. In this modern world, feminism has made women have this strange idea that they OWN a man’s manhood. In the ancient world, women never thought like that, they were happy to just receive, and even gift their husbands with concubines if need be. So polygamy was an easy way of life back then, because the women behaved like women."
 
sun said:
I was reading this on a blog about polygamy and I would like to know is this a true statement:

"To survive as a plural wife, you can’t be possessive about sex as a woman. As a plural wife, a woman has to understand that she is a receiver of her husband’s manhood, and he is a giver. Your goal as a plural wife is to make sure you receive your husband whenever he wants to give and you just enjoy him. In this modern world, feminism has made women have this strange idea that they OWN a man’s manhood. In the ancient world, women never thought like that, they were happy to just receive, and even gift their husbands with concubines if need be. So polygamy was an easy way of life back then, because the women behaved like women."
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To me, that’s what overthinking/over defining the situation looks like.
While aspects of it are true, it’s just totally the wrong vibe.
 
sun said:
Your goal as a plural wife is to make sure you receive your husband whenever he wants to give and you just enjoy him.
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Generally speaking, the above statement is true... There are a few minor adjustments that need to be made.

Regarding the above quote, Exodus 21:10-11 actually indicates that while she does not 'own his manhood' she does have the right to have her needs met. Paul agrees with this when he says that husband and wife can only be apart for 1. a set period of time, and 2. by mutual consent. The point is, she does not control or own his body, but he is required for fulfill his marital duty to her.

So, if he has a high sex drive, he has the right to share it around among his wives with out being 'cornered' and if one of his wives has a high sex drive, while he doesn't, he better figure out how to take care of business.
 
Something Pete hints at but doesn't state is that this is true about marriage in general, not just poly. Poly just adds another layer to it as your opportunities for sex are [potentially] divided by 2 or 3 so it behooves you to take advantage of every shot you get.

Women today have this harmful idea that they only have to allow sex when they feel like it, that the man has to earn it, that they own themselves and can use sex to manipulate him. But that is completely wrong. Aside from Paul's point in 1 Cor 7 that your body is not your own but his, Paul also makes the point in chapter 11 that the woman was made for the man, not the other way around. Your purpose is to please him, but you don't own him.

This modern approach of the world, even by Christian women, is also a violation of the social contract of marriage. He agrees to stop sleeping around and provide for you and you agree to fulfill his sexual needs. But in today's clown world she wants to both withhold sex AND complain when he feels the need to add another wife. She has a right to sex from him, just not an exclusive right.
 
julieb said:
@Tirtza, I am a wife of 32 years and we have been a plural family for 23 years. I know it would be nice to have a list of some sort to help you identify plural families but since this is a public forum and people come and go the list would always be changing. The best way is to keep reading posts and make a mental note (or write it down some place) when you read about a plural connection. Asking is always fine, too. :) I am sure some will reply to your question, so your list will have a good start.

Do I dare say, we need a label for plural members? The labeling might be getting out of hand around here. ;)
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Thank you for answering my question. I just wanted to know due to it is good to hear from someone who is in this and how sometimes a first wife feels. I love hearing.from anyone who is or isn't in the plural marriage yet. I just find it awesome to be.able.to talk to others
 
sun said:
This is an interesting article: https://insideislam.wisc.edu/2012/02/polygyny-for-the-benefit-of-women/
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Interesting article. I'd love to see the rest of it, but don't want to visit their dating site.

Salient quotes that are worth pondering from the available portion:

God was clear that love, unlike money, is infinite; it’s a metaphysical commodity that grows when shared. In short, polygyny seemed not an unholy aberration, but a sacrosanct communion between a family and God.
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Interesting thought. Especially well put.

To me, husband sharing sounded like the perfect blend of being married and single at the same time. I would have a loving partner to care for me, and time alone to care for myself.
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The unpondered/grasped benefit?

he told me about the communal business he ran with the brothers of his jamah, and their desire to live self-sufficiently.
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Maybe the most interesting in that it is a great articulation of a woman seeing and following a visionary who is building community and others. This is what patriarchs do!
 
Broncos4life said:
When I married my husband Joe I knew he wanted multiple wives. I didn't even want to entertain that idea . I thought once we got married I can change his mind and make him only devoted to me. When I found out I was pregnant 3 weeks after we were married I thought for sure he would drop that dream of having many wives.
As the months progressed after we got married my idea's about plural marriage changed. I started to see scripture about plural marriage, and join sites like Biblical Families. I came to the conclusion that Plural marriage is not wrong but it's not for me.
Many of you may know my husband is gone to war in Afghanistan. When he deployed I was still unsure if plural marriage was right for me. While I had more of an understanding of it, putting it into my lifestyle was another thing. Shortly after he deployed, I had this dream.
I had a dream that I was a wife, and I had a sister wife and we were getting professional pictures taken for a magazine. There were 9 small children around us and me and my sister wife were smiling and we seemed very happy.
I think God had something to do with it: that He showed me this for a reason, so I can accept plural marriage into my life. Ever since this dream I have been very excited and happy to find a sister wife. This dream caused me to do lots of research and I see so many benefits of having a sister wife. I realize my husband would love me and another woman the exact same.

I feel blessed that my husband loves me with all his heart and takes good care of me and is a great provider. He’s provided for me financially since day 1, and he was there to help me when I had any pregnancy morning sickness or pain. He will comfort me when I'm sad or crying.
I have always wanted to be married and have babies. However, I never thought I would get pregnant or married. I worried that I would be a lonely old spinster my whole life. There is probably another woman out there who feels the same way I do and I would love to make her as happy as I am. My husband has the ability to love more than one woman, why should I deny him his God given ability? His love for me would not change or diminish it would only grow more and more. I'm pregnant with my first child but I want lots and lots of children. If I have another child my love for this baby would not change at all only grow.

When Joe came came into my life, I was happy to be loved and cared about. During our courting phase I was not so good to him I was pretty stubborn and a brat, but he always loved me and never held it against me. I can't wait till I have a nice woman to call my sister wife one day.
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This is such an amazing story. Thank you for sharing and also thank you and your husband both for your service to this country. I’m currently in a situation where a man and I have grown to strongly care for eachother. Neither of us had ever considered a poly lifestyle but he brought it up. I was unsure at first and kind of hesitant but now I feel strongly that he’s the one for me so I’m hoping it will work out. Posts like this give me hope that if it’s meant to happen it will and maybe his current wife will have a revelation as well.
 
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