The following is basically me thinking out loud as I process the truths God has been trying to teach me over several years, and recently used this ministry to confirm. It might be helpful to know I come from a evangelical nondenominational background. I pray it is profitable for someone else wrestling with the same truths.
-Men/women are equal and opposite sides of the same coin of God’s nature
This sounds so obviously correct based on a casual reading of the creation story, culturally acceptable, and defendable with scripture. I never even thought to question this concept. After all, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Gal 3:28
However several of the verses routinely highlighted here have forced me to reevaluate this assumption. 1 Cor 11:3 is one clear example;
3But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ isGod.”
Using this as a cross reference Genesis 1 and 2 falls into place differently. The creation story builds from the basics of separating light and dark to the creation of man in God’s own image, with a mandate to subdue and rule the earth. His very final act though is to create woman to help him. One way to look at this is that man is the iron scepter meant to command and conquer, while woman is the crown jewel that completes the scepter and gives it beauty. This agrees with 1 Cor 11:7-9
“For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man. 8For man is not from woman, but woman from man. 9Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.”
Peter specifies the roll and outward ministry of Christian women as such,
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the [a]incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 1 Pet 3:1-6
-Enjoying a woman’s beauty is sin
This is something that the Pharisee in me has really struggled with my whole life. Because I believed that attraction was lust, and “whoever looks at a woman with lust has committed adultery with her already in his heart.”, (Mat 5:28) I thought that anytime I thought a woman was pretty I was guilty of adultery. This lead to DECADES of guilt and frustration. Eventually the general idea that attraction to beauty is different than lust, and that God made woman attractive on purpose and I shouldn’t hate myself, (or them), for finding them attractive started to come together, but I had no verse or biblical concept to counter my understanding of the above verse.
Until while studying Song of Songs I found this verse; (if those who read Hebrew feel I am miss reading this please correct me, I can only take the translation as it is.)
The Beloved and His Friends
13Return, return, O Shulamite;
Return, return, that we may look upon you!
I was surprised. Here it seems the groomsmen at the wedding think the bride is hot, are freely talking about wanting to get another look at her, and the groom himself is right there with them! This would mean there is a clear separation between coveting/lust, and simply appreciating beauty.
Then after reviewing the verses referenced here for defining adultery as always and only involving a married woman, I realized that what Jesus said in Mathew 5:28 didn’t condemn me for having an adulterous heart. If anything these two verses together would make it seem that any attraction I felt for a healthy single woman meant that everything was simply working as intended!
-monogamy is God’s ideal
This one is a little more nuanced, as whether it is/ was His ideal is different than whether He simply allows it, though the arguments are similar to those for polygamy in general. One side says it can’t be because God never specifies it, the other side says it is because He never said it is not. Right now as I read through the scriptures, a man having multiple marriages seems to be an assumed default. One God NEVER sees the need to condemn, in the Old or New Testament. I also don’t give credibility anymore to the argument that polygamy in the Bible, “never worked out good”. Two reasons for this; 1) for every negative example,(imagined or real), there is another with no recorded issues. Think of Abraham and Gideon as examples of this. 2) the negative examples simply don’t prove anything. Just because sinful humans fail to live out a relationship well doesn’t mean the relationship is fundamentally flawed. Monogamous marriage is a perfect example of this. As someone else has said, perhaps before the fall everything would be perfectly monogamous, but it doesn’t really say.
THINGS THEY SAY BUT DON’T REALLY MEAN:
-children are a blessing
You will hear plenty of ppl say that children are a blessing, and even quote Psa 127, “children are a heritage from the Lord”, but their heart is not truly different from the culture right now. I have known many professing Christians, men and women, who do not want kids. The ones who do only want 1 or 2 because anything more than that is “too much” or “too hard”. There are a few weird ones that go big, mostly in the homeschool movement, but these are the exceptions.
-divorce is wrong
This might be the biggest mess of all. It’s assumed that everyone knows divorce is wrong, so those that have been feel shamed and outcast, but it is so common “for any reason “ that no pastor truly wants to preach hard truths on the subject. So there is no real effort in or outside the pulpit to understand and teach truth, so everyone just walks in the way of the world, and families pay the price.
-the man is the spiritual leader of the family
At least in most nondenominational churches I’ve been to this idea is at least given lip service, even occasionally taught, mostly because of perceived passive or disengaged fathers. The line usually goes” *sigh* yes the husband is technically in charge, but we are told to submit to one another, and you men really need to step up anyway.” Which is not a technically incorrect statement, but sorely misrepresents scripture. It is still shocking to me the level of complete submission God calls our wives to, however it wasn’t until I accepted it that I truly understood the level of responsibility I had.
-Men/women are equal and opposite sides of the same coin of God’s nature
This sounds so obviously correct based on a casual reading of the creation story, culturally acceptable, and defendable with scripture. I never even thought to question this concept. After all, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Gal 3:28
However several of the verses routinely highlighted here have forced me to reevaluate this assumption. 1 Cor 11:3 is one clear example;
3But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ isGod.”
Using this as a cross reference Genesis 1 and 2 falls into place differently. The creation story builds from the basics of separating light and dark to the creation of man in God’s own image, with a mandate to subdue and rule the earth. His very final act though is to create woman to help him. One way to look at this is that man is the iron scepter meant to command and conquer, while woman is the crown jewel that completes the scepter and gives it beauty. This agrees with 1 Cor 11:7-9
“For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man. 8For man is not from woman, but woman from man. 9Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.”
Peter specifies the roll and outward ministry of Christian women as such,
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the [a]incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 1 Pet 3:1-6
-Enjoying a woman’s beauty is sin
This is something that the Pharisee in me has really struggled with my whole life. Because I believed that attraction was lust, and “whoever looks at a woman with lust has committed adultery with her already in his heart.”, (Mat 5:28) I thought that anytime I thought a woman was pretty I was guilty of adultery. This lead to DECADES of guilt and frustration. Eventually the general idea that attraction to beauty is different than lust, and that God made woman attractive on purpose and I shouldn’t hate myself, (or them), for finding them attractive started to come together, but I had no verse or biblical concept to counter my understanding of the above verse.
Until while studying Song of Songs I found this verse; (if those who read Hebrew feel I am miss reading this please correct me, I can only take the translation as it is.)
The Beloved and His Friends
13Return, return, O Shulamite;
Return, return, that we may look upon you!
I was surprised. Here it seems the groomsmen at the wedding think the bride is hot, are freely talking about wanting to get another look at her, and the groom himself is right there with them! This would mean there is a clear separation between coveting/lust, and simply appreciating beauty.
Then after reviewing the verses referenced here for defining adultery as always and only involving a married woman, I realized that what Jesus said in Mathew 5:28 didn’t condemn me for having an adulterous heart. If anything these two verses together would make it seem that any attraction I felt for a healthy single woman meant that everything was simply working as intended!
-monogamy is God’s ideal
This one is a little more nuanced, as whether it is/ was His ideal is different than whether He simply allows it, though the arguments are similar to those for polygamy in general. One side says it can’t be because God never specifies it, the other side says it is because He never said it is not. Right now as I read through the scriptures, a man having multiple marriages seems to be an assumed default. One God NEVER sees the need to condemn, in the Old or New Testament. I also don’t give credibility anymore to the argument that polygamy in the Bible, “never worked out good”. Two reasons for this; 1) for every negative example,(imagined or real), there is another with no recorded issues. Think of Abraham and Gideon as examples of this. 2) the negative examples simply don’t prove anything. Just because sinful humans fail to live out a relationship well doesn’t mean the relationship is fundamentally flawed. Monogamous marriage is a perfect example of this. As someone else has said, perhaps before the fall everything would be perfectly monogamous, but it doesn’t really say.
THINGS THEY SAY BUT DON’T REALLY MEAN:
-children are a blessing
You will hear plenty of ppl say that children are a blessing, and even quote Psa 127, “children are a heritage from the Lord”, but their heart is not truly different from the culture right now. I have known many professing Christians, men and women, who do not want kids. The ones who do only want 1 or 2 because anything more than that is “too much” or “too hard”. There are a few weird ones that go big, mostly in the homeschool movement, but these are the exceptions.
-divorce is wrong
This might be the biggest mess of all. It’s assumed that everyone knows divorce is wrong, so those that have been feel shamed and outcast, but it is so common “for any reason “ that no pastor truly wants to preach hard truths on the subject. So there is no real effort in or outside the pulpit to understand and teach truth, so everyone just walks in the way of the world, and families pay the price.
-the man is the spiritual leader of the family
At least in most nondenominational churches I’ve been to this idea is at least given lip service, even occasionally taught, mostly because of perceived passive or disengaged fathers. The line usually goes” *sigh* yes the husband is technically in charge, but we are told to submit to one another, and you men really need to step up anyway.” Which is not a technically incorrect statement, but sorely misrepresents scripture. It is still shocking to me the level of complete submission God calls our wives to, however it wasn’t until I accepted it that I truly understood the level of responsibility I had.
