Standard MO for the polygyny haters. And not just to convince the wife you are wrong, but to encourage her to divorce you. That was the worst part and so hard for her.
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Prayer request Meeting with In-laws
- Thread starter NickF
- Start date
They often do it knowing full well that the Bible does not consider polygamy to be adultery.
This takes me back to my earlier statement about many pastors and church members (in all different Christian traditions) being unregenerate.
Thankfully the last thing I’m worried about is her family or anyone else succeeding with convincing her of anything contrary to what we believe. She’s one of the most stubborn people I know. Backbone made of adamantium and hard headed as a back country wild mule. And she’s made up her mind on poly and sticking with me.
I may regret that later on. But it appears I’m stuck with her for life. She may even prevail on God to compromise on the whole “no giving in marriage” thing in the afterlife.
What have I done?
As for the reasons. I have scriptural imperatives I must obey in regards to speaking truth to believers I love. I can share those at a later date.
I may regret that later on. But it appears I’m stuck with her for life. She may even prevail on God to compromise on the whole “no giving in marriage” thing in the afterlife.
What have I done?
As for the reasons. I have scriptural imperatives I must obey in regards to speaking truth to believers I love. I can share those at a later date.
There is a lot of truth in what @MemeFan says here. In his own abrasive fashion, he has torn aside the surface layer and exposed the true insecurities that probably are behind the reactions of both the pastor and the parents. To illustrate this:
I remember when we said we were leaving our family size up to God and ended up with a tonne of children, my grandfather got upset because he thought that meant I believed he was wrong to have only three. I had never said any such thing. But it is a good example of this truth - people take what you believe, apply it to their own lives, and then get offended at what that comparison means.
Do pay attention to what @MemeFan is saying. You need to understand the root issues, and counter them. What people say is the problem is often not, and countering that is just countering a straw man. It doesn't matter how well you answer any of them scripturally, or how poorly, as scriptural disagreement is not the actual issue. It's just a disguise. They are cloaking their real worries in scripture to give them an appearance of legitimacy, but countering the scriptural argument does not address the real worries.
Your wife's parents, especially her mother (who will be the emotive influence on her father), needs reassurance that you will continue to treat her daughter well, and for her own sake needs reassurance that you do not believe her husband should take another wife against her objection. But that's hard because she doesn't even realise those are the issues herself, so you can't just address them directly. It is only time demonstrating that you're still a good husband which will persuade her heart.
Don't worry too much about scriptural argument. Just outlast this and demonstrate a great marriage. That is what will speak to their hearts, it just will take time. There is sadly no shortcut around that.
This is imho the whole substance of the real controversy... the reason that women don't want to think about it and men avoid it too.
The implications of patriarchy and polygyny are headship, and responsibility for him and subbmission and obedience for those in a man's household.
No one likes the sound of that... but I think all would like the fruit.
I don't know who said it...but the quote that comes to mind is
"The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting, it has been found difficult and left untried"
They are all afraid of what they don't understand, can't imagine, and are sure is sin or will cause problems.
Perfect love casts out fear.
There's scripture after scripture. But for me what speaks most volumes is the fact that the Creator in the flesh - Yahshua - described himself marrying 5 virgins, and we know throughout the Scripture the Father in Heaven described himself as being married to two wives.
Also when the Father in Heaven told King David - (paraphrasing) - "If you wanted more wives, I would had given them to you. But why did you have to another man's wife?" And we know King David did what was pleasing in the eyes of the Most High - except for the case of adultery and the situation with her husband. Therefore, if the Father in Heaven has zero issue with a faithful/capable man covering for more than one wife - and producing offspring for him - then how can the creation protest? Romans 8:31 (NLT) - "If God is for us, who can be against us?"
Sin is transgression of law. Where there is no law - there is no sin. The torah not only allows a man to have more than one wife, but there's even passages where it's assumed a man has more than one wife.
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Memefan is correct. There's likely other issues at play. Politics. Pride. Money (some big donors in their congregation may leave). It's even possible they may lose their 501c3 tax status (assuming they are are 501c3, which most congregations are). If Uncle Sam finds out they approve polygyny, then I don't think it's going to go well for them. Not only could they lose their tax exempt status - but they may have to pay fines and back taxes (all part of the 501c3 agreement). So if they have another master they are following - no amount of scripture will likely change their mind. It's like throwing a tennis ball at a wall. It's just going to come back toward you, and cause more trouble/stress in the whole situation.
Once you give the in-laws some grandchildren - and if they see good fruit from the relationship - that is what may start to change their mind. There's many daughters marrying monogamous men, and things don't go too well. So sunshine isn't all pretty over in monogamy only land. At least in polygyny - the in-laws can see the man's fruit with his first marriage (how he's running his household). Which is how an elder should be chosen (based on the scripture). If an elder can't run his own household well - he has no business running a congregation and preaching to anyone; which is why elders are supposed to be much older (so that fruit can be properly examined). The fact they have young elders tells me they don't care much about the Word. So that tells me they are there to tickle some ears, and get paid doing it.
Also when the Father in Heaven told King David - (paraphrasing) - "If you wanted more wives, I would had given them to you. But why did you have to another man's wife?" And we know King David did what was pleasing in the eyes of the Most High - except for the case of adultery and the situation with her husband. Therefore, if the Father in Heaven has zero issue with a faithful/capable man covering for more than one wife - and producing offspring for him - then how can the creation protest? Romans 8:31 (NLT) - "If God is for us, who can be against us?"
Sin is transgression of law. Where there is no law - there is no sin. The torah not only allows a man to have more than one wife, but there's even passages where it's assumed a man has more than one wife.
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Memefan is correct. There's likely other issues at play. Politics. Pride. Money (some big donors in their congregation may leave). It's even possible they may lose their 501c3 tax status (assuming they are are 501c3, which most congregations are). If Uncle Sam finds out they approve polygyny, then I don't think it's going to go well for them. Not only could they lose their tax exempt status - but they may have to pay fines and back taxes (all part of the 501c3 agreement). So if they have another master they are following - no amount of scripture will likely change their mind. It's like throwing a tennis ball at a wall. It's just going to come back toward you, and cause more trouble/stress in the whole situation.
Once you give the in-laws some grandchildren - and if they see good fruit from the relationship - that is what may start to change their mind. There's many daughters marrying monogamous men, and things don't go too well. So sunshine isn't all pretty over in monogamy only land. At least in polygyny - the in-laws can see the man's fruit with his first marriage (how he's running his household). Which is how an elder should be chosen (based on the scripture). If an elder can't run his own household well - he has no business running a congregation and preaching to anyone; which is why elders are supposed to be much older (so that fruit can be properly examined). The fact they have young elders tells me they don't care much about the Word. So that tells me they are there to tickle some ears, and get paid doing it.
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"Oh Sovereign Lord, and Heavenly Father, may Your Word prevail, and your children be strengthened and encouraged!"
If they're even thinking that far through it they'd be being highly paranoid, as I'm pretty sure @NickF isn't trying to get the church to officially endorse polygamy. But it is possible that the pastor is going through the early stages of those thoughts and that is contributing to his emotional reaction.