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My Crazy Life!!!

A

Anonymous

Guest
Hi everybody,

Well many of you know all this stuff already but I feel like maybe someday I will meet some others of you that I already don't know so I will introduce myself(and my needs) ahead of time. I usually don't do it this way but I feel like this place has a very unique family feeling for me.

Anyway, I am single mom of 2 kids and I am trying to leave the area where I live and also obtain a decent visitation order from the court. The father of my children is attemptimg to prevent me from relocating to the area where my family has already relocated. He has done this before as well as tried to take my kids away, stop me from homeschooling etc. He has never succeded in any of this (except the relocating part) but all these "succesess" have not come with out a high cost to me or my kids. He is not an evil person in every sense of the word but breaks many promises (reason why I left) and has refused to pay child support in the past as well as not being able to budget money to do so now. He currently owes me approximately $30,000 in back pay and I have not recieved any help from him since January, only heartache. I don't know how he is paying for a new lawyer to contest my moving but it seems like his family and friends are very supportive of him despite all his shenanigans ( he owes money to the irs, me and had to give up his cadillac recently) His mother pays all the bills and his girlfriend pays for the outings! Anyway, the point is I have been praying for his soul for years. Even if he continued to want to take my kids if he were a Godly man then we could work things out and share time more fairly and he would see everything that has gone on all these years that has made my mom journey so hard. I can not believe myself that I still want to have more kids!! You'd think I was a madwoman!! Anyway, the point is I would like to live somewhere that I can afford to give my kids a semi decent home (I live in one room with a bathroom now, with some use of my bosses house -I am a nanny). I would like to continue to work part time and homeschool my kids while still maintaining a stable home for them. In south florida this is imposible (I have tried for 5 years alone)! I don't care about the child support, I just want freedom to prosper with my kids and family. Please pray that I would get a chance to move on with my life, to go somewhere where I have family support and simple small town living! God bless you in Jesus name.
 
Marichu:

Wow. These are tough times for you and your kids. Some of the situations of which you wrote sound very difficult and trying. I have been through simialr things, but probably not nearly as frustrating as yours. I found one thing to remain true and to give me hope in the middle of "my crazy life" too. I was forced to recognize that only God was unchanging and faithful. Other people to include my ex, my own family, and friends were all at times dis-loyal and heartless. After some soul-searching, I even realized that I, too, lacked faithfulness. Although this was a shock to my ego, it exactly was what I needed to know; it was an area for me to work on while others continued in their own unhappiness and misery. I am NOT saying that any of this is your fault, or that it must be because you've got your own problems, but only that God is your Rock. He is allowing these trials for His reasons. These hurts and frustrations can sharpen you and make your heart open to what God might be doing through you.

I know that there came a point when I prayed for God to show me what He was trying to teach me. I prayed, "God, I want to know whatever it is that You want me to learn, so I can follow and run after you." God wanted my heart to be broken, for me to come to the end of my self and my abilities, so He could change me deeply inside. My heart did break- in a good way. I gave up trying to do it on my own and surrendered to Him. I quit trusting my own "faithfulness" which was useless, and defaulted to Jesus.

A couple months later, I sensed a really strong need to fast and pray. At first I wasn't sure why. My ex and her boy-friend were living together and planning their wedding. Four days of fasting went by. I was praying all day for whatever God wanted to do, asking Him to lead me to be a part of His plan. I had a feeling that my ex was going through hard times of some sort, so I just prayed for them both. At the end of four days, out of the blue, my ex called me on the phone and said that her boy-friend had accepted Christ as his Savior the day before. After the phone call from her, I realized that God had removed some obstacles those months before which would certainly have prevented me from praying for the salvation of the one who lured my wife away. It would have been so easy to hate, resent, and hope the worst for them both. God broke my heart so He could use me in such a significant way.

For you, as discouraging as things look, I will be praying for opportunities for you to impact others including your ex, if that's God's will. God will likely use you in your weakest time, your most discouarging moment, and in ways you would not have suspected a month ago. Ask Him to help you look past your circumstances (this is hard, I know) and to run hard after Him. I am praying for you.

Tom
 
Thnaks Tom I appreciate your encouragement and teaching. I have seen many miracles and great things done in my life because of all these problems (remember been going on this journey 5 years.) In fact it is because of even having my children and their father being what he is that put me in such a crisis situation that I had nothing else left but to get saved.
I believe my children were the first miracle and kept pushing me towards God the moment they were concieved.
I think I would like to give my testimony right about now. I feel like I need to do it just to show the magnitude of God's amazing love and power through his son Jesus Christ.

I was a bitter feminist athiest when i concieved my children. In fact i refused to get married to their father even after my pregnancies because I felt marriage was a horrible anti woman institution (I am blushing with shame as I type). Anyway, at the time I became preganant with my first child my cousin and best friend who was going to help me raise her commited suicide and I was left with no one else to help me. I moved in to my baby's father's home because I thought I needed someone to take care of me since I was going through a semi nervous breakdown. Anyway the first day I moved in the emotional abuse and neglect began. It was as if I being pregnant was too much for him and he needed to escape being with me as much as possible. I was not the perfect girlfriend either since the more he pulled away and ignored me the more I nagged and cried. But mostly I cried alone in my room since not even his mother would talk to me. Anyway after my daughter was born he was all lovey dovey for about 3 months at which point he told me flat out that I had to return to work because he was not going to support me and that I should quit dreaming about that. This devastated me since I wanted to saty with my baby as much as possible. I will never forget how he treated me like a nanny or a surrogate. When we went to the mall or anywhere and he would meet an old school friend he would chat a while, take the baby out of my arms, introduce her and ignore me as if I was a maid in South America. When I became pregnant with my son I was already planning my fututre escape from this situation but since I had little money and no family to help I couldn't leave yet. I scheduled an appointment for an abortion but didn't go. His attitude was do whatever you want. I had my son and this time there was no baby homeymoon. He was a colicky baby and neither him nor his mother liked to spend too much time with him. The verbal abuse continued and at times when I pushed him it became physical abuse for which he always apologized and I always forgave him. It got to the point where he wouldn't even give me that much attention no matter what I did. I became preganant for the third time and determined that I would have to leave now or never so I scheduled and went through an abortion which he drove me to but I paid for. That experience was the worst thing that has ever happened to me and the worst thing that I have ever done. There are no words to describe the moment of realization of what is happening when you are killing your baby. Of course right afterwards I felt so weak and sick I thought I would die also. As soon as I got home from that the verbal abuse was worse. I had another preagnancy after that which was an early miscarriage which I interpreted as payback at the time (payback from who I don't know since I was an athiest!) Anyway a year after the abortion I began to have a creeping feeling of incredible remorse and loss and slipped into a deep depression. It was at that point that God spoke to me (not audibly but the words were placed in my head). God said that he was real and that I was wrong and that my baby was ok. It was even revealed to me what gender my baby was to have been. I can tell you that with as much certainty as I can tell you the gender of my born children. Anyway in the same breath I was told that I needed to go back and get my bible (at this point I had got rid of it a long time ago!) and study and go to church and seek counsel. I called a friend who I knew was a christian and immediately asked her for help. I moved out of my baby's father's house on faith and with some help from that christian friend and began my new life based completely on faith in Him. When I was baptized as I was going in the water I was thinking how I needed to remember this date. At that moment I realized that it was the exact 4 year anniversary of when I had had the abortion. God put new words in my head at that very moment and said that it was not a coincidence but that I was being baptized that day so I would be SURE that he had forgiven me for everything. This was too much for me and since this was a pentecostal baptism late at night at a house church the cops were called shorlty afterwards by the neighbors who couldn't sleep! Praise the Lord, I almost went to the door to give them my testimony but I let the men handle it... :D
Anyway that is the story of my salvation and if I were to name the many other miracles which were greater than these then many other posts would be written that would cover all the web... ;)

In Jesus Name
 
Marichu:

That was a great story. It sounds like you're the teacher to me. It's refreshing to hear you remain humble enough to speak about past sins and admit areas of weakness. Obviously, many of the things I spoke about have already taken place in you. Praise G_d!

We will continue to pray for you.

In Him,

Tom
 
Marichu,
I am praying for you too. Here is how it goes, "Visualize your full custody with your children and know how much it fills your heart. There is only you and your children in your circle of God's light. Nothing else is important. What matters is what you want the positive end result to be.
" Know that there is a man out there who acknowledges and compliments your fulfillment on your life goals. Focus on what makes you happy and great. If you know that your a happy for-filled mother that can do anything, then God or the universe will attact that to you. What you think about comes about.
Peace with Jesus forever,
David
 
Mari,

Please know that I am praying for you and the kids. Let me know if you need anything....

Doc
 
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