Ladies I am unsure of what to do. My husband approached me last night and told me he would like for me to have sex with him while he is also having sex with his first wife. Doesn't this disrupt our one flesh union? I have never denied him, nor do I wish to usurp his authority, but this makes me very uncomfortable! I know that God's law is supreme here, and I am unsure which would be sin-having sex while his first wife is also sexually pleasuring him, or denying him my body. He is not asking me to have relations with his other wife.
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This is such a delicate issue. I do believe the husband is the head of the family, he should be honored and respected. Many would argue that a wife must do Everything a husband tells her.... I also believe if a Husband truly loves his wifes he will take into consideration how each wife would be affected by this type of request and will not push the issue if all are not in 100% agreement. Most women would struggle so you are absolutely normal for questioning how to handle this situation. I would suggest praying and talk to your husband about your thoughts and concerns.
Anyone who would give you advise that you "owe it to him as his wife" or "take your bags and leave him" are both out of line. This is a very personal topic you should talk about with your husband and come to a conclusion only after prayer and seeking God's will for your marriage bed.
I hope that helps.
Shalom
Anyone who would give you advise that you "owe it to him as his wife" or "take your bags and leave him" are both out of line. This is a very personal topic you should talk about with your husband and come to a conclusion only after prayer and seeking God's will for your marriage bed.
I hope that helps.
Shalom
Well said @Patricia C, there are many differing views on this topic. It comes down to the husband and wives deciding what is right for them. There are several postings regarding this topic. You could try and search for key words. I will take a look myself.
It's not a sin. There's nothing wrong with it. I'm actually of the opinion that this sort of thing probably happened more often than not with those in the bible with many wives. Do you really think Solomon only had one wife with him per night?
But, if you're not comfortable with it, then that's a whole other thing. Is this something your husband is commanding you to do, or asking if you'd be willing to do?
And since you're not comfortable with it, why is that? It is not a sin, it does not have anything to do with your one flesh relationship with your husband, and you never know, you might find your self enjoying it! Does most of your apprehension come from tradition and what you think is right and wrong, rather than what the bible actually says?
It's worth doing a bible study on this with hubby, or on your own. The bible never speaks about women being with women or sharing your bed with multiple wives. There is one verse in Romans about women being together but it is a very grey verse that can be interpreted in multiple ways.
But, if you're not comfortable with it, then that's a whole other thing. Is this something your husband is commanding you to do, or asking if you'd be willing to do?
And since you're not comfortable with it, why is that? It is not a sin, it does not have anything to do with your one flesh relationship with your husband, and you never know, you might find your self enjoying it! Does most of your apprehension come from tradition and what you think is right and wrong, rather than what the bible actually says?
It's worth doing a bible study on this with hubby, or on your own. The bible never speaks about women being with women or sharing your bed with multiple wives. There is one verse in Romans about women being together but it is a very grey verse that can be interpreted in multiple ways.
Yes. I am uncomfortable probably due to some jealousy. And exactly HOW would this work? I suppose we would just take turns with him?
I have no idea lol, the mind boggles! You could always ask that hubby lays it out really clearly what exactly would happen, at least for the first time, so you have a good idea what to expect.
What exactly are you jealous about?
I guess I am jealous that he enjoys her more, or finds her more attractive. I know envy is sin, and I am really struggling. He wants me to do things that I would like to ease into and go slow. But I do not want to deny him my body. I have trouble fully submitting when I feel uncomfortable.
Is that actually the case? Has he truly shown that to you, or are you worried that he might be thinking that?
It just seems like he is getting ideas that push the boundaries of what is permissible in scripture. But I cannot question his authority, as he is my head. I am a second wife, and still learning to fit into the family.
I've thought about this scenario a time or two. I tend to react as a lay psychologist, analyzing and working toward a solution that is healing. I agree that it is not sin, and also agree it probably was common place for those men that had multiple wives in scripture. I think I would recommend talking to first wife about the subject matter. Go slow and work on your friendship with her, praying for God to heal your insecurities in your relationship with her. Who knows, if you two find yourselves more on the same page with many things, you can act as a team in ALL areas of your family life. Maybe this scenario would not seem like such a stretch for you.
I will do this! I can't believe I did not even think to talk to her about this. I really love the idea of approaching his sexual fulfillment as a team, as we do with all of our other tasks. Perhaps changing my perspective would be bonding for us all!
Great attitude!
I am just now seeing this question so please forgive my three month late response!
I am one of four women in the family and once in a while we do have a threesome. Myself, Cydne, and Amy are pretty much okay with this but our SW Macy is not and her wishes are respected. For me I find it very intimate and it makes me closer to Cydne and Amy in a way that I am not close to Macy. And I love Macy a lot! I guess all that matters here is that your wishes and everyone else's are respected. If you're not comfortable with this then don't do it.
I’ve been wanting to reply to this for a while because I can relate - though not physically (I’m the only wife currently). My Husband has made it clear to me that if another wife were to enter our family, he was going to do everything possible to cut jealousy at its root cause, beginning with sex. He’s adamant that if he does “x” with one he will do “x” with both given we are both available. Perhaps your husband knows of the jealousy and intends to be the bridge between you and your sister and foster intimacy between everyone together, as he sees fitting for you both. Trust me, I felt every type of way about this, and it wasn’t even happening, so I know you are feeling things much more. Have patience! Trust your husband, let him lead you because he knows the both of you and your needs, and following the one who loves you is beautiful.
I apologize for seeing this so late as our summer has been a whirlwind and is finally slowing down. As a woman who is a second and we all share a bed because that's what works best for us feelings do get in the way sometimes. The sex aspect we both focus on his needs rather than our own. My husband has a saying which I find extremely helpful that says Love is doing what's best for the other person regardless of the cost to yourself. I have found that in sacrifice our love grows deeper. I hope this helps.
Alexa
Alexa