New Children

[max_fam]

I hope I'm posting this in the correct Forum. I was wondering, how do u work on accepting other kids in to your family. Example, if your new wife comes to your family with her own kids, how do you handle that. I believe I will be a parental figure to them and will respect them and care for them. But how do you blend them in with your family. Please advise

 

[UntoldGlory]

Well, we have not added a second wife, but my wife and I did adopt a child, so I feel that I have a place to speak from here. My best advice is to be intentional. You have to work on building not only your relationship with each child, but the relationship between new children and current children. You can't expect it to be instant, but just keep at it. It is important, especially considering you're bringing another woman in, that every parental figure be on board with the same rules and be consistent. Also, it should be clear among the adults what each person's role is, and that the roles are clear to the kids as well.

 

[Courting4Life]

...it should be clear among the adults what each person's role is, and that the roles are clear to the kids as well.

I'll second that.

Specifics would allow for thousands of answers to your inquiry... ages, boys/girls, special needs, present biological father, not present, facilitation of shared custody, the viability of you having any legal authority through assignment by the mother and so forth.

Simply put...
Be responsible. Be a Father. Be a responsible father regardless of the child's actions. Lead the way, and do so by example.

 

[The Revolting Man]

We're not plural but we are blended. I came to the marriage with six kids by two women and my wife brought 3 from two fathers. The first thing and probably the best thing I did was sit everybody down and tell them that they were not required to love or even like anyone else in the family but that they would great each other with courtesy and respect. After that I told my step-daughters that I knew I wasn't their real father and that I would always respect their fathers and support that relationship. Out of all of those children we've had nearly zero drama out of any step siblings and not much out of half siblings. We have two daughters that are full siblings and they bicker the most but even that is within reason. Certainly we're not perfect but by removing the pressure to force feelings or be fake or try to hide feelings for their other parent we have removed most of the friction between all of the steps. It has required some sacrifice to encourage the relationship with the fathers but it has been totally worth it.

 

[eternitee]

There aren't many resources available specifically for polygynous families - but there are plenty for blending step-families. The same principles will apply None of them will have all the answers, simply because your unique family dynamic will never fit the same mold. You need to take what works and tweak it to your situation and ignore the advice that does not seem right.