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One Woman Man

M

marry-ella

Member
I'm listening to a sermon on Marraige that is touching me. It is how ever saying that a man needs to be singley married, well okay all those who have read from me know that I disagree with this statement. However the sermon isn't talking about one wife it's talking about a kind husband. One who is devoted to his wife. I would like to ask especcialy wifes do you agree that a man ought to keep his mind on his wife. So how does that translate to a man looking for a wife with a wife. Which leads me to think what is writen about not seeking to be married if your single in the New Testimant. So what I'm saying is being open to a new wife may not mean that a man ouhgt to be "looking" for a woman. He should be looking at his wife. And if god leads a woman to you then god bless.
 
I think it has to be in degrees. I knew a family who had two wives. The wives were very diverse in ages and really didn't have much in common. The husband spent much of his time on the computer searching for another wife. I believe that a man should appreciate the gifts that God had given them. That means loving your wife and taking care of her and never letting her feel that she isn't enough. And when it is time to seek another wife it should be a joint project. But there still needs to be couple time that isn't spent seeking another person.

I think that if a man is obsessed with finding another wife, then there may be something lacking, either in his marriage or in himself. If he isn't satisfied with what God gave him now, he never will be, until God finally gets his attention and teaches him to be satisfied.

I think if you look at the healthiest of all marriages, mono or poly, you will find healthy individuals who come into the relationship whole and happy in their own relationships with God. When these relationships blossom, everyone benefits.

SweetLissa
 
minds (at least ours) are such slippery things that it seems impossible to keep them focused ;)

we endeavor to be a team with our focus on our Lord
we desire more members of the fam, but realize how much we have still to grow that we do not actively look
the reality is that Yeshua will probably bring bring along a situation different than we are imagining and preparing for (it seems that He does not enjoy being predictable) :)
 
marry-ella said:
I'm listening to a sermon on Marraige that is touching me. It is how ever saying that a man needs to be singley married, well okay all those who have read from me know that I disagree with this statement. However the sermon isn't talking about one wife it's talking about a kind husband. One who is devoted to his wife. I would like to ask especcialy wifes do you agree that a man ought to keep his mind on his wife. So how does that translate to a man looking for a wife with a wife. Which leads me to think what is writen about not seeking to be married if your single in the New Testimant. So what I'm saying is being open to a new wife may not mean that a man ouhgt to be "looking" for a woman. He should be looking at his wife. And if god leads a woman to you then god bless.
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Good post. I should tell you that I'm a guy so I can't speak clearly from a wife's perspective. The issue here may be a matter of how and when a man should be looking for another wife. When it comes to the how part, I will at least say that the NT mentions for a married person to not "lust" after someone other than their spouse (Matthew 5:28). Lust can be generally defined as a strong or passionate desire for something or someone, but I don't believe that that's a sin in all cases, because someone can have a passionate desire for the truth. But when we get to passages like Matthew 5:28 that talks about lusting being adultery in the heart, then I believe that is referring to immoral lust involving "sexual" desires towards someone other than your spouse (since adultery is based on immoral "sex"), or coveting which is a spouse (the husband, lets say) wanting a woman who belongs to another man. To get more to the point, it is possible for a man to build a relationship with a woman that he's looking to marry, without it turning into just some sexual thing. A husband should only be desiring his current wife in that way. That's hard to do in some cases but it is possible.

When it comes to the part about when a married man can look for a single woman to be a second wife, it's really an open matter. One of the best ways to do it is by consulting the first wife and getting her consent. The first wife should get to know the potential 2nd wife, because a good polygamous marriage is not just based on how the 2nd wife gets along with the husband, but also how the 2nd wife gets along with the first wife, the kids, etc.
 
sweetlissa said:

I think if you look at the healthiest of all marriages, mono or poly, you will find healthy individuals who come into the relationship whole and happy in their own relationships with God. When these relationships blossom, everyone benefits.
SweetLissa
Click to expand...
amen
the goal is the expansion of an already healthy relationship to include others
 
sweetlissa said:
I think that if a man is obsessed with finding another wife, then there may be something lacking, either in his marriage or in himself. If he isn't satisfied with what God gave him now, he never will be, until God finally gets his attention and teaches him to be satisfied.
Click to expand...

I agree 100%
 
Angel 3 said:
Lust can be generally defined as a strong or passionate desire for something or someone, but I don't believe that that's a sin in all cases, because someone can have a passionate desire for the truth.
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There is nothing wrong with a strong or passionate desire for something. It becomes a sin when it is out of proportion to its proper place. You have a strong or passionate desire for something more than you have a strong or passionate desire for God. Thus anything can be idolatry or lust. This often becomes evident with something becoming unhealthy or disruptive.

For example, food. There is no sin in being a gourmand. But if you like food more than God, more than doing what is right, more than healthy, now you are a glutton. Food has become your God.
 
Angel 3 said:
One of the best ways to do it is by consulting the first wife and getting her consent.
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We debated this in another forum extensively. I think consent is the wrong word. It implies permission. I do not think David ever asked a current wife if he could marry another wife. I think it is an excellent idea to ask your current wife's opinion.
 
marry-ella said:
...what I'm saying is being open to a new wife may not mean that a man ouhgt to be "looking" for a woman. He should be looking at his wife. And if god leads a woman to you then god bless.
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Couldn't agree more. Works for me. If this is done, then there will be no doubt but what GOD built the house! That's the kinda home Cindy and I are after.
 
This is a great post. I was wondering what it would be like if my husband took the "dating" route to find a sw. I think that I agree with Mary-ella and Cecil that if a woman comes into our lives it would be from God instead of "fleshly desires" on my husband's part. However, I'm learning that I have to trust that my husband will do the right thing no matter which route he choices or not.
 
lutherangirl said:
This is a great post. I was wondering what it would be like if my husband took the "dating" route to find a sw. I think that I agree with Mary-ella and Cecil that if a woman comes into our lives it would be from God instead of "fleshly desires" on my husband's part. However, I'm learning that I have to trust that my husband will do the right thing no matter which route he choices or not.
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This is very balanced. Good job! Sometimes it is not always easy to discern between fleshly desires and spiritual desires when one is looking for a spouse, whether polygynous or not. The reality is that it is usually some combination of love and lust, whether we like to admit it or not!
 
DaPastor said:
The reality is that it is usually some combination of love and lust, whether we like to admit it or not!
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I guess the only form of marriage where "lust" wouldn't pop up is in an arranged marriage?
 
We have discussed this at length. I was reading another thread about getting the first wife's opinion. Our feelings are this, if we as a couple are in tuned with one another and have a strong marriage and bond, then any SW my husband finds, either through happenstance or introduction, will be the right choice for our family. Because we share our brain most of the time, if he likes her then I will like her and vica versa.... it just works out that way for us. I imagine that is not the case for everyone though, as we have close friends who just took on a SW, from another country, so there was not time to really spend together and get to know each other, and so the ride has been a tad bumpy, I suspect it would have been smoother had they (the women) had time to get to know each other a bit better, but I am sure that Yah will work it out for them.

We are also one of those couples that are not planning on 'looking' for a SW, but if Yahweh gives us one then we will gladly take her into our family. His will be done, not ours.
 
DaPastor said:
lutherangirl said:
This is a great post. I was wondering what it would be like if my husband took the "dating" route to find a sw. I think that I agree with Mary-ella and Cecil that if a woman comes into our lives it would be from God instead of "fleshly desires" on my husband's part. However, I'm learning that I have to trust that my husband will do the right thing no matter which route he choices or not.
Click to expand...

This is very balanced. Good job! Sometimes it is not always easy to discern between fleshly desires and spiritual desires when one is looking for a spouse, whether polygynous or not. The reality is that it is usually some combination of love and lust, whether we like to admit it or not!
Click to expand...

If a husband is looking for a 2nd wife, I do believe it's possible for a husband to build a relationship with a "potential" 2nd wife without it turning into lust in a sexual way or actually having sex with her. I suppose most people wouldn't divorce their spouse over just "lust" (although in some cases it's still a sin), just as long as the lusting partner doesn't act on that lust or actually have sex with another person.
 
Josh&Marly said:
We have discussed this at length. I was reading another thread about getting the first wife's opinion. Our feelings are this, if we as a couple are in tuned with one another and have a strong marriage and bond, then any SW my husband finds, either through happenstance or introduction, will be the right choice for our family. Because we share our brain most of the time, if he likes her then I will like her and vica versa.... it just works out that way for us. I imagine that is not the case for everyone though, as we have close friends who just took on a SW, from another country, so there was not time to really spend together and get to know each other, and so the ride has been a tad bumpy, I suspect it would have been smoother had they (the women) had time to get to know each other a bit better, but I am sure that Yah will work it out for them.

We are also one of those couples that are not planning on 'looking' for a SW, but if Yahweh gives us one then we will gladly take her into our family. His will be done, not ours.
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Josh & Marly,

Welcome to the site. Thanks for sharing your testimony. My husband and I, although different in many ways, have a very strong bond too. That is why I'm putting all my trust in our Heavenly Father and husband to "send" or "find" the right sw.

Michelle
 
Thanks this has started a great conversation. I am thinking that a study on both how a man is to treat his wife and how a man should presue a woman, and what kind of woman he should presue Bibilicaly is something I've been looking at. That is one of the resons I'm open to marring a monogomist man.
But to be contravursal I don't think the bond between 1st wife and 2nd wife are that important. If you married a good christain woman who is she not to love the new one? Unless you haven't been presuing a godly woman. But I understand your intions not to forsce woman into horrible possetions. I think that woman in my culture are just as bad christian than not. A controling christian woman thinks she has 50% say in all HeadShip matters and in the end it's her choice because it's a draw and if it's a draw she wins out and if she loses she may threaten divorce. This is an ungodly way of conducting oneself and to the husband I might say "get your house in order".
 
Jay, Clearly said. The priorities must be in order to reach the goal of a healthy family, monogamous or polygamous.
 
DaPastor said:
The reality is that it is usually some combination of love and lust, whether we like to admit it or not!
Click to expand...

Agreed. I think it would be a mistake to get married if there was not a certain level of sexual desire.
 
cnystrom said:
DaPastor said:
The reality is that it is usually some combination of love and lust, whether we like to admit it or not!
Click to expand...

Agreed. I think it would be a mistake to get married if there was not a certain level of sexual desire.
Click to expand...

Maybe it would be okay in God's eyes for a single male and female to have sexual desires for each other before they marry, but when it comes to a married guy having "sexual" desires for any woman who is not his wife, then that can be adultery of the heart (Matthew 5:28).
 
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