PM, Age factor

[Hugh McBryde]

I don't think Job, who was long in the tooth, whelped his additional children with the help of his first wife. There had to be another, and she had to be of younger child bearing age, as shown by the number of his children that he had later in life, to replace those he lost in his trials.

Scripture doesn't look at age and say "oooo, icky, mustn't do that."

David's last wife was very young by comparison to David, but he never lay with her sexually, although she apparently snuggled very closely to him to keep him warm. Basically the illustration is that of climbing inside David's clothing to press her flesh up against him, to keep him warm. David was probably experiencing renal failure at the time.

Nothing appalled any of those who witnessed it (Bathsheba being one of them) or seemed wrong to them, when it came to finding David a very young virgin to lie down with him (though it never resulted in a sexual relationship). Scripture and those around regarded her as his wife. Scripture sees the arrangement as being as binding whether sexual relations have occurred or not.

Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat. So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king."

And:

Bathsheba went in unto the king into the chamber: and the king was very old; and Abishag the Shunammite ministered unto the king."

Frankly, we're prudes about such issues, when God was not, and neither were his people. We've allowed culture to instruct us, not scripture.

 

[Doc]

I wonder if Abraham was too old to play ball with Isaac....I guess he wasn't too old to bind him to the altar for sacrifice....

I'm just sayin'.....

Doc

 

[Anonymous]

If, in our minds, we restrict marriage (single or plural) by age, we are missing the whole point of marriage. Biblical marriage is surely a function of a patriarchal mindset. One does not tell the patriarch of the family that he can or cannot do what his Lord has permitted him to do. Period. The patriarch is limited by his physical condition and his Lord's authority, other than that he is at liberty to pursue his hearts desire and must live with the consequences of his actions. Wisdom is his friend in all things patriarchal.

 

[jsw]

If, in our minds, we restrict marriage (single or plural) by age, we are missing the whole point of marriage. Biblical marriage is surely a function of a patriarchal mindset. One does not tell the patriarch of the family that he can or cannot do what his Lord has permitted him to do. Period. The patriarch is limited by his physical condition and his Lord's authority, other than that he is at liberty to pursue his hearts desire and must live with the consequences of his actions. Wisdom is his friend in all things patriarchal.

John, very good insight.

 

[steve]

If, in our minds, we restrict marriage (single or plural) by age, we are missing the whole point of marriage. Biblical marriage is surely a function of a patriarchal mindset. One does not tell the patriarch of the family that he can or cannot do what his Lord has permitted him to do. Period. The patriarch is limited by his physical condition and his Lord's authority, other than that he is at liberty to pursue his hearts desire and must live with the consequences of his actions. Wisdom is his friend in all things patriarchal.

i agree, john.
but it sure does not stop all of the ones who "know better" from looking down their noses at you.

and ylop, it sure gets old with those 18yr olds chasing a guy all of the time

welltan, right on! actually allowing YHWH to guide us now and then is a reasonable plan. :shock:

who would judge that it is better to not give a woman a position in a household because the man is X number of years older?

 

[CecilW]

Just a silly thought, but ... who is more in need of a stable home and father figure for kids -- hopefully loving and wise? A single mom in her 40s whose kids are grown and who has a career of her own? Or a single mom in her 20s with small youngsters?

For the next question, I look inside myself and ask, Was I better able to provide patience and wisdom and emotional stability and blah blah blah in my own 20s, or now at 50? Anyone care to hazard a guess? (Hint: 20s were closer to teens, when I was absolutely CERTAIN I knew most EVERYTHING! Anyone else resemble or remember that description? *sigh*)

That usn't in any way to say that an older woman doesn't need the home and companionship and so on of marriage just as much for herself. Her relationship to a husband and sister-wife more nearly her own age can't help but be different than that of a wife who is considerably younger. But if the point is to fill a need as our Father directs, patterning ourselves individually and as a family after God, then despite my own extreme reluctance to give anyone ammunition to throw "cradle-robber" epithets in my direction, I have to withdraw my own objection.

Having said that, there is no law which says that the single moms can't look for a man closer to their own age. More power to 'em if it all works out.

Having said that ... autobiographical note coming up: Years ago, when I knew God intended to bring another woman into my life, I wrote a "wish list", which is where I suspect the age thing belongs. Interestingly enough, the woman whom God paired me with was opposite in most every way from those "specifications" that I remember. She is, however, perfect for me and clearly God's choice. (Note, I did NOT say "always comfortable. *wry grin* Help-mating isn't, always!) Unfortunately, I'd forgotten about my list, and she found it. That led to some "interesting" conversations ... *blushing*

So I conclude, close in age is good. God's leading is BEST! Go for His best, without reservation, regardless of how it turns out to match up to your wish list, and TAKE YOUR TIME about it.

There's no rush. And so many actual mismatches that we've seen have resulted from too much speed. A study I read years ago showed that length of courtship prior to marriage was not an actual valid predictor of whether the marriage would end in divorce or not. But it was a valid predictor for level of happiness and overall satisfaction within the relationship for however long it lasted. So want a good PM? Take your time!