Question about conviction in choosing PM

[Palrmine]

I don't know how to ask this without sounding insensitive, but I really think it's an important discussion. I feel like people who are seeking a plural home have to be sure what they are getting into and have conviction that it is right.

That being said, articles like this one are prevalent. They describe women who are divorced with children who turn to plural marriage after a previous marriage has failed.

Do you think that it is common for divorcees to look at PM as a last option, but not because they believe it is right for them?

I think my worst fear for a second wife is finding someone who feels pressured into it. As if they would have chosen monogamy again but was wounded and are running away from monogamy. (As opposed to running towards something)

I'm sorry if I have offended anyone or implied that any person is dishonest just for being in that situation. I just want to understand the mindset from more angles.

 

[PeteR]

I'm the new guy here, so apply salt...

The reasons for a divorcee to consider PM could be many. True that marriagable men are in short supply, but multiple other factors may play in... her desire for female friendship and acceptance, an awakening to God's word, a desire for ancient paths (still practiced by most cultures in the world), a lack of desire to be the primary wife on whom much responsibility falls, etc...

Key, I would think, is moving slow, allowing the Father to direct and communication a LOT. Probing discussions to understand root motivations and fears is important for all parties.

My 2 centavos...

 

[Palrmine]

After rereading my post, it feels judgemental. Hopefully I can clarify a bit where I am coming from.

I've read that there are a lot of benefits for women considering PM that make sense for certain stages in life. One example was women who want to maintain a career and have a part time family life. Another thing mentioned are women who are looking for stability, and being provided for, see polygyny as the best way to get it.

I want to believe that everyone who talks about becoming a sister wife is sincere. Part of why I am wary is that the kinds of articles that mention these 2 things are practical but non-biblical. Like what if the career woman wants to slow down and focus on family in 10 years, will she still feel the same and what will that do to her marriage?

At face value I want to believe that plural families are part of God's way to provide for women in a broken family who needs support to help them with their walk in life, and ultimately their walk with God. And from my perspective, if I could eventually be that support to someone, I would be honored. Which requires conviction on both sides. Just curious how other people think.

 

[PeteR]

....plural families are part of God's way to provide for women in a broken family who needs support to help them with their walk in life, and ultimately their walk with God.

This was a MAJOR draw for me that I did not fully understand until I read Pilkington's The Great Omission. His first chapter really resonated with me. Then, I was set free by his fourth chapter explaining that God gifts some men with hearts for more than one woman, ala David. I suddenly and clearly understood why, for years, my wife has told me that my heart is too big. (Always been faithful, but with deep and abiding concerns particularly for single mothers and abandoned women).

 

[Sonny Chancelor]

I've not read Pilkington, but I completely agree. Blessings & Welcome!

 

[cnystrom]

I am a long time poster to this site, but take what I have to say with a grain of salt too, because it is not a universal opinion. It might sound harsh, but I have a concern with lumping divorcees in with widows in a generic single moms group that need help. Marrying a divorcee would be adultery (Matthew 5:32) while on the other hand we are to look after widows (1 Timothy 5)(who are eligible because they do not have a living husband (Romans 7)).

 

[mystic]

A marriage to a man who has more than one wife is still a marriage to a man, so at the outset there's not necessarily anything to set it apart or make it a draw for the woman who feels burned by a previous marriage and is wary of another.

As for sincerity and practicality, marriage is a practical matter. There are women out there who will be happy to scam you of your practical resources — and if you hold forth the view that concern for practicality indicates insufficient devotion to inspirational aspects of marriage, then you're advertising yourself as one to be taken advantage of. I'd be surprised if one or more women don't take you up on that offer — until you're left lying in a ditch, physical and emotional resources gone, wondering what happened.

When one of your wives complains to you about, say, a certain amount of money you spent on something for the other but not for her, or a thing like that, you won't get far by suggesting she lacks conviction. There's a reason the sages emphasize treating wives as equitably as possible in day-to-day matters.

Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh but the road from monogamous culture to plural marriage is littered with grand ideological quests that came to naught.

When your feet are in it I think your concerns about being judgmental will subside because you won't have time for that; pragmatic issues will keep you busy.

Please take all the above with a grain of salt as I'm hardly the most practical person myself and in fact my writing this was part of avoiding some business at hand.