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Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Honor

Dr. K.R. Allen

Dr. K.R. Allen

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Real Person
Some are quick to bemoan that a woman in polgyny has been abused or that her value has decreased. That is exactly the opposite as I see it, if the home is in order.

A woman who is in a polygynous relationship is in reality a very strong, courageous, mature, and dignified woman. Here are some of the reasons why:

1. She is secure in her position and place and is not living in fear.

2. She is able to socialize well and is strong enough to control her emotions.

3. She is walking in the fruit of the Spirit with love, joy, peace, self-control, goodness, patience, gentleness, and kindness as the means to establishing her relationship with the other ladies.

4. She is loyal to the mission and overall goal of the home and its progress.

5. She is self-sacrificing like Christ Jesus the Lord God was himself.

6. She is humble in that she does not think she is or should be the sole focus of the man.

7. She is a servant and willing to serve other ladies in her home.

Just a brief note that the next time when you hear how a woman in such a union is weak to share how exactly the opposite it is. Women who demand and command for their own way are in reality the weaker ones as they have yet to entrust themselves to the sovereign Lord who only gives good gifts to his children.
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

Wise words, thank you :)

I breached the subject out of the blue on Facebook one day when the Sisterwives TLC show first came out, asking what people thought of the show. Shortly after posting the question, one of the first responses was from my aunt. She is a career woman and an activist for women and children in abusive situations. She said, "These women are unhappy and insecure and it dates women by centuries." People want to look at the jealousy it brings out in women and say, "If it were good and right, she wouldn't feel that way." They don't care to take a long hard look at the fact that it is causing these women to look themselves in the mirror and work through their issues and come out better, stronger and happier on the other side.

Not to mention it's a bit freeing to think I could catch my husband eyeing a woman in a store and think, "I wonder if she'd be a good SW?" rather than jumping into hysterics ;)
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

After reading this post I wonder whether Dr. Allen would be this hard on himself?

1. Are you secure in your place and not living with an ego that needs to be puffed up by lots of female attention?

2. Are you able to socialize well and control yourself (in other words, keep your hands to yourself and be polite)? Don't forget to be honest about the fact that you are married.

3. Are you walking the the fruit of the Spirit 24 hrs/per day and 7 days/week?

4. Do you know what the mission and goal or your home is?

5. Are you self-sacrificing enough to make sure your 1st wife is not left on a shelf while you pursue #2?

6. Are you humble enough not to stumble? See item #1.

7. Are a man who will serve our Heavenly Father with all your heart, soul, mind and strength?
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

My intention is not to criticize anyone here, but I have been searching on the site and I would like to find somewhere where maturity in men is addressed. I tried to use the search function but I could not find anything specific.

Since I am a first wife with a sister wife, I would emphatically insist that if any man is not willing to live up to even higher standards than the list that Dr. Allen posted, he should not even consider having one wife much less two.

Our Heavenly Father holds the priest of the home accountable first. One cannot automatically assume that a woman is being weak without looking at her husband first.
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

Dr. K.R. Allen said:
Some are quick to bemoan that a woman in polgyny has been abused or that her value has decreased. That is exactly the opposite as I see it, if the home is in order.

A woman who is in a polygynous relationship is in reality a very strong, courageous, mature, and dignified woman. Here are some of the reasons why:

1. She is secure in her position and place and is not living in fear.

2. She is able to socialize well and is strong enough to control her emotions.

3. She is walking in the fruit of the Spirit with love, joy, peace, self-control, goodness, patience, gentleness, and kindness as the means to establishing her relationship with the other ladies.

4. She is loyal to the mission and overall goal of the home and its progress.

5. She is self-sacrificing like Christ Jesus the Lord God was himself.

6. She is humble in that she does not think she is or should be the sole focus of the man.

7. She is a servant and willing to serve other ladies in her home.

Just a brief note that the next time when you hear how a woman in such a union is weak to share how exactly the opposite it is. Women who demand and command for their own way are in reality the weaker ones as they have yet to entrust themselves to the sovereign Lord who only gives good gifts to his children.
Click to expand...
I believe a woman can still be all these things and even more when she's an only wife being led by a loving godly husband. Wives in polygamous marriages are no more holier or closer to Christ as a result. We can all be virtuous women, if we love the lord and submit to our husbands.
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

Rivkah said:
I have been searching on the site and I would like to find somewhere where maturity in men is addressed. I tried to use the search function but I could not find anything specific.

Since I am a first wife with a sister wife, I would emphatically insist that if any man is not willing to live up to even higher standards than the list that Dr. Allen posted, he should not even consider having one wife much less two.

Our Heavenly Father holds the priest of the home accountable first. One cannot automatically assume that a woman is being weak without looking at her husband first.
Click to expand...


I've searched that too with no results either.
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

The thing is that when maturity and responsibality are addressed to men they're usually buried in other topic threads and 'touched on' with kid gloves. When maturity and responsibality are addressed to women the post is usually blatant, bold, spelled out, highlighted etc. It just seems very odd that women are held to some very high standards but men not so much (at least in print). It's quite discouraging.
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

Thanks Donna, good point! I'll work on one. Maybe someone will beat me to it.
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

I think that I would have a tendency to view Dr. Allen's post as "Prerequisites to Entering a Polygynous Union" Thank you Dr. Allen for your post.

The thing is that when maturity and responsibality are addressed to men they're usually buried in other topic threads and 'touched on' with kid gloves. When maturity and responsibality are addressed to women the post is usually blatant, bold, spelled out, highlighted etc. It just seems very odd that women are held to some very high standards but men not so much (at least in print). It's quite discouraging.
Sincerely,
Donnag
Click to expand...

I too have run across this tendency in several Christian churches in America. I too think that men need to be addressed just as much as women if not even more so since they are the leaders and initiators. I think women in general have a tendency to be more "responders" to their husband's love, leading and guidance. (Though some may be stiff necked just like some men can be). I have this thinking because of my own life and experiences and because of the verse 1 John 4:19 which says, "We love Him (God) because He first loved us."

I also want to add and comment about my thoughts on men and their roles to their wives. John 21:17 says The third time He (Jesus) said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He (Peter) said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep." And lastly Ephesians 5:29 says "After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--" I believe that what is desperately needed today is for men to think about "looking after" and "feeding" their wives which means that they need to be aware of their needs and help to meet their needs first hand. Feeding takes "observation, initiation and action". It also means feeding them and washing them with the Word of God. Yes, we as women can feed ourselves the Word of God but I think that there is something special and needed about a man "feeding" his wife the Words of God just like Jesus wanted Peter to feed other people the Word of God.

Ephesians 5:29 also mentions "caring" and some translations say "cherishes". I think that this is the other element missing in many relationships. Is the man really cherishing his wife like God values and cherishes us? Does the man view the woman as "priceless" and "valuable"? Does he take time to "listen" to her "heart"? Does he build her up with words and deeds? Is the woman the man's first love or did some other activity(fishing, sports, big boy toys, etc.) inch its way into first place? Just as David looked out after his sheep and cared for them and protected them, I think men today need to take the role of shepherding their women seriously. Women need to be valued, looked out after, protected, and nourished in soul and spirit by their men. Women need a confident, caring shepherd to lead them.
Grace and peace to all who read this!
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

Rivkah said:
After reading this post I wonder whether Dr. Allen would be this hard on himself?
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Personally, I didn't find Dr. Allen's post "hard" on women. I found it very complimentary towards women.
Blessings,
Fairlight
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

That indeed was the goal, to be complimentary of the ladies who have chosen to be in that type of union. Women who do that and are good in that type of relationship are normally mature ladies in the Lord. I'm not sure how or why it would be seen as otherwise.

But in any case, here is also an article addressing some issues with men:
viewtopic.php?f=57&t=2720
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

words are the major vehicle which we use to convey the concepts that we hold in our minds to other minds. sometimes our words convey a different meaning than the one that we are thinking of.

to me, the op was implying a message that perhaps the poster did not intend.
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

Let's go back and look at the words used as set forth by contextual clues. I think if the words are taken in the plain sense it is obvious that the words convey the thoughts about the dignity of the woman. The following words would be the clues:

Some are quick to bemoan that a woman in polgyny has been abused or that her value has decreased. That is exactly the opposite as I see it, if the home is in order. A woman who is in a polygynous relationship is in reality a very strong, courageous, mature, and dignified woman. Here are some of the reasons why [then a list godly traits] .....I believe a woman can still be all these things and even more when she's an only wife being led by a loving godly husband.
Click to expand...

The words convey the dignity and maturity of a woman in contrast to the people who claim and assert the idea that women in polygyny are less valuable, demeaned, immature. None of the words, if taken as they stand, suggests anything but honor towards a woman who is able to function in a polygynous union. Even the title itself points to the contextual ideology being conveyed by the words.

Too the word "is" conveyed the present tense not a "should" as an "ought." The post did not say a woman should be those things. It rather said a woman already doing those things in a polygynous unions reveals honor, maturity, grace, and dignity which again is the opposite of the critics who claim women who are in such unions are degraded, which simply is of necessity true in all circumstances. Some women in these relationships are indeed strong women with great spiritual maturity.
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

to me, the op was implying a message that perhaps the poster did not intend.
Click to expand...

As a woman I took it to be a compliment towards women who excel in this type of life. Too often we ladies are criticized for being weak, uneducated or with low self-esteem if we choose to pursue this lifestyle. I don't see it that way at all and to the contrary I see the original post as saying women can indeed be a strong, educated and a mature woman while still being in this type of lifestyle. Why not? Finding men who truly know their Bible and how to live it out is like finding gold in a river bed; it is rare and when one is found why would a well educated women not recognize such and be glad to latch onto him?
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

Exactly, SherryQ!
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

Finding men who truly know their Bible and how to live it out is like finding gold in a river bed; it is rare and when one is found why would a well educated women not recognize such and be glad to latch onto him?
Click to expand...
I agree with you SherryQ!
 
Re: Reasons why a Woman in Polygny Reveals her Maturity & Ho

Dr. K.R. Allen said:
The words convey the dignity and maturity of a woman in contrast to the people who claim and assert the idea that women in polygyny are less valuable, demeaned, immature. None of the words, if taken as they stand, suggests anything but honor towards a woman who is able to function in a polygynous union. Even the title itself points to the contextual ideology being conveyed by the words.
Click to expand...

I felt the post was well worded. You did a good job conveying your thoughts here. :)

Blessings,
Fairlight
 
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