The double-standard argument against polygamy

[PolyPride]

I recently read some comments between 2 people on YouTube. One person was for polygamy but had to hold back when the other person mentioned, "how would you like it if your wife wanted more than one husband." Basically from that point, I'm assuming the other guy probably saw that it would be a double-standard if he were to take a wife, or he'd worry that his wife would then want another husband. From there I thought this would be one big reason why some husbands, or men in general, would think that polygamy should be off-limits. Some may call this a valid point to consider since to them it exposes a double-standard that a wife may use against a husband to make him think twice, but I disagreed and mentioned that it would depend on the wife's standards and convictions or beliefs. I'll give my response to the argument below but anyone else is free to share their response..

"[YouTube member name) has a point only when it comes to how polygamy is to be practiced. Before anyone practices polygamy, they should talk it over with their partner as far as how it should be practiced and how not. With that said, most women would practice polygamy according to their [moral standards] and beliefs/religion, and in Christianity, and Judaism, only the husband can have multiple wives.

Practicing polygamy is not a matter of the wife seeing the husband having multiple spouses, and then try to get back at the husband for that and requesting she wants multiple husbands. That wouldn't fit the Christian way of polygamy. Most of these wives [wives in polygamy from a video documentary on YouTube] practice polygamy the CHRISTIAN way, and CHOOSE to allow the husband to have 2 or more wives and as hard as that may seem, some women Christian or otherwise don't mind that."

Another comment I made on YouTube in response to someone:
"What if a wife doesnt want multiple husbands, then what? Are you still gonna say she should have multiple husbands just because shes okay with husband having multiple wives? Someone who thinks that sounds more like theyre trying to be selfish rather than respecting someones choices and beliefs/standards. If the wife doesnt want me to have multiple wives, then I wouldnt, but if she's okay with me having multiple spouses, then if I wanted to, I would. "

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I did not address this on YouTube but I think another implication from the double-standard argument is why can't the woman have multiple husbands but the husband can. Part of this issue can be answered by mentioning what the Bible says about the roles of the husband and wife in a relationship and what adultery is. On a more general note and perhaps a point outside of the Bible, I believe that it is NOT immoral for God to want an order of things for the roles of men and women, husband and wife. After all God the Father is in the highest position over Jesus (John 10:29) and certainly over husbands. I suppose the only problem sometimes is in knowing how or when a husband or any leader is leading in a bad way, but that doesn't take away from the fact that husbands as leaders can lead in a good way just as any other good leader can.

 

[The Duke Of Marshall]

I think that the biggest thing to take into consideration here is "why" they are trying to disprove it according to the "double-standard" philosophy and I think that has to stem from the feminist approach that men and women are equal. And that simply is not true. There are MANY MANY differences between men and women. Even if you take plural marriage from a non-religious stance you can see that it just works out better from the man having more than one wife as opposed to the woman having more than one husband.

1) In order to continue with the species, one man can impregnate more than one woman at a time, but the same cannot be said about one woman to many men.

2) Men tend to be more aggressive and possesive of their women than women are of their men. We wouldn't want all the men to kill themselves off over jealousy now would we? Men tend to be more independent where as women tend to be more "inter"dependent.

3) There are more women in the world than there are men.

4) Men don't usually smell as good as women so who would want a house full of men?

5) I believe that patriarchy tends to naturally happen without religion, so what good is it going to do if you have multiple husbands wanting to do everything their way?

 

[sweetlissa]

The scriptures say that the husband is to be the head of the wife. The head can lead more than one wife but the wife cannot follow more than one leader. There is only one head. Only one leader.

SweetLissa

 

[welltan]

Part of the problem is trying to connect Scripture, personal moral position, freedom of religion, freedom of expression and legal equality. Some of these things overlap but there is no position that would satisfy all areas. Some would want a theocracy, but that would not work either.
It is easy to Scripturally show plural ideas apply to one man and several ladies, but this argument is not a legal argument.

 

[PolyPride]

Part of the problem is trying to connect Scripture, personal moral position, freedom of religion, freedom of expression and legal equality. Some of these things overlap but there is no position that would satisfy all areas. Some would want a theocracy, but that would not work either.
It is easy to Scripturally show plural ideas apply to one man and several ladies, but this argument is not a legal argument. It is probably a moot question because if a woman wanted several husbands, she probably would not be interested in slowing down long enough to fill out the paperwork even if she could.

If you're saying from a legal standpoint that the double-standard point would be valid then I agree with you. Theologically-speaking it is not a valid point, and even outside of theology if we go by secular standards then I wouldn't see any moral reasons or harm in allowing only one spouse to have multiple partners (in Christianity it would be the husband) if both partners "choose" that only one person would have multiple spouses. This is more of a hypothetical point, but in any case that polygamy were legalized, I'd propose that there be legal contracts for the form of polygamy to be practiced (polygyny, polyandry, polygynandry, etc.), so that way a spouse is not just running off to marry additional people whether it be to get back at the other spouse or for whatever reason. If that's not done then that would break the trust and the expectations of the other spouse if the "initial" agreement involved only one spouse having multiple spouses (I assume that one person would request for a divorce). For those who would want to practice polygamy in a common-law marriage (marriage without a license) way then they would have to manage that situation themselves. But in any context, whether it be legal or non-legal, I'd recommend for everyone to discuss with their spouse how the polygamy will work before starting any polygamous relationship. I still maintain that if anyone wanted to live by Christian standards, then they'll live out polygamy in a Christian way, just as we have marital laws today that are incompatible with Christianity (same-sex marriage, no-fault divorce, etc) , but in the midst of these laws, a person who lives by Christian principles would (or I'll at least say should) still only practice within their Christian moral standards and beliefs.

 

[welltan]

I agree that a loosing of legal restrictions on a plural lifestyle should not be threatening to personal Christian beliefs. Being a Christian needs no legal approval. or filter. The words “freedom” and “Godly” are not always inclusive of each other. The US constitution seeks to protect both but does not demand that all freedom be Godly. On a personal level it is however reasonable to practice freedom only in a Godly way.

 

[The Duke Of Marshall]

I agree that a loosing of legal restrictions on a plural lifestyle should not be threatening to personal Christian beliefs. Being a Christian needs no legal approval. or filter. The words “freedom” and “Godly” are not always inclusive of each other. The US constitution seeks to protect both but does not demand that all freedom be Godly. On a personal level it is however reasonable to practice freedom only in a Godly way.

Wow! Definately well put.

 

[PolyPride]

One person that I've been going back and forth with about polygamy, I just realized is a polyamorist. That's why he or she believes that polygamy is a sexist practice. whereas in polyamory both partners are free to have other partners.

So to this I responded:

I'm not into polyamory, but I have learned a lot from it that would be helpful to apply to polygamy like managing jealousy, sharing vs. competition, insecurities, etc. I get what you mean about polygamy but I don't think of fairness and satisfaction in polygamy as being BOTH the husband and wife having multiple partners, but rather it can involve both of them choosing to practice how they want. And if they both choose that only the husband should have multiple wives and that is their standards and beliefs, then there's nothing wrong with that [otherwise you're restricting what or how a couple wants and chooses to practice].

 

[welltan]

"Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves; and, under a just God, can not long retain it." The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln edited by Roy P. Basler, Volume III, "Letter To Henry L. Pierce and Others" (April 6, 1859), p. 376.


"Interwoven is the love of liberty with every ligament of the heart." --George Washington


If the true spark of religious and civil liberty be kindled, it will burn.
- Daniel Webster,
in an address in Charlestown, Massachusetts, Bunker Hill Monument