The Mistress Phenomenon

[cubanito]

I have known ladies who prefer being the mistress or girl friend because they don't want the burdens of family responsibilities. They prefer the fun things, in their leasure time, no children,etc.
I talked to a lady who told me she was both and mistress was her thing. Now years later, as a wife she felt traped and bored. Selfish I suppose.
My other friend in South America is still single and chooses that. She from time to time, complains about nobody taking care of her one day at her old age, like she takes care of her mom now. Well, she didn't want children, didn't want a real husband as head of it.. She divorced her only husband and decided to be a mistress to other guys from then on, one at a time of course.
I think is sad, she is free to choose that.
She at one point considered our family but jelaousy didn't let her.
Now, as a secret mistress she might have been more comfortable. Strange.. She is a professional psychologist and can't see it. Does that make sense? Anyways, she is a clean, honest, hard working and nice classy lady. She could contribute a-lot to a family if she wants.

 

[joe88]

I have known ladies who prefer being the mistress or girl friend because they don't want the burdens of family responsibilities.

For this reason and others, I would strongly hesitate before declaring mistresses as wives or legitimizing affairs. There is such a thing in the Bible as harlotry and fornication, which is sex outside of the marriage covenant, differs from adultery, and doesn't require pay to be called as such. Oftentimes, a man having an affair or a longer-term mistress simply wants to exploit a tantalizing opportunity and her beauty, while she wants to exploit his prestige and resources. Honoring God through life-long covenant is the furthest thing from the truth in these cases of dalliance and self-indulgence. Rarely will you see a mistress and her children treated as an extension of the family. Most often, the relationship was never grounded in fidelity and is discarded by either party when it ceases to be convenient.

That said:

I advocate for legalizing polygyny in the West

Legalization would allow men to take care of their responsibilities while offering a protective structure to women and otherwise illegitimate children. It wouldn't end affairs/harlotry and illegitimacy completely (see Judges 11:1-2), but at least the covenants - or lack thereof - would be clear to all.

On the other hand, as one of the articles states, the awarding of child support to the mistress already provides her with protection, albeit without the consideration of the husband's influence over her or her children. Women willing to become mistresses know this and are fine with the arrangement - otherwise it wouldn't happen. And there are plenty of devious women who knowingly go in as "homewreckers" or who already are seeing multiple men and desire additional romantic experiences and conquests - even adulteresses who fit into this category. Women need men (and vice-versa), but don't make the mistake of considering them all to be innocent angels either.

 

[cubanito]

Is not easy and true discernment only comes from our creator. We should make friends seeking first the kingdom of God, then we can form friends around that.
We are flooded with a hard stream against cohesive family. Swimming against the current is exhausting without prayer and His strength, patience. Forming like minded community is very important I think key.
Met a lot of people and without the proper heart from our creator, is impossible to do anything good without His leading and heart.
We have to be patient no matter how pretty the temptation is. Time reveals things and helps heal too.

 

[frederick]

Most often, the relationship was never grounded in fidelity and is discarded by either party when it ceases to be convenient.

But that just sounds like conventional "marriage" in the developed western culture... .

 

[joe88]

sounds like conventional "marriage"

Ouch - it's hard to dispute that. It shouldn't be that way but too often it is.