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The search for sane people

FollowingHim said:
starlit said:
Some of the people on those sites were quick to put me down because of my age and questioned what right a woman who may or may not have children had to want to practice plural marriage.
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Ok, that is just crazy.
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Agreed.
 
FollowingHim,

I was criticized for searching for a family because a few families wanted women that could have many children. So a woman my age may or may not be able to have children in their opinion. Well of course idk if i can have kids because i have never been married before and tried. So yes, that was hurtful. Probably one of the most hurtful things you can say to a woman that wants children and be part of a family...is to act like they dont really want it that bad or they would have tried harder.

What even strikes me as even more bizarre are families that will show interest in someone they dont really like or feel compelled to talk to. Why approach someone and start a exchange of information if months later your going to criticize them because they are too old or not attractive enough? At times i have concluded that on the fringe (very far far fringe) of plural marriage are some pretty sadistic people. But of course, none from the BF site!
 
starlit said:
Wesley and FollowingHim....

FollowingHim wrote that maybe i should ignore the men that are not genuine, or something to that effect. Well the problem with that is that if you know just enough information to pass the initial conversation than that is enough to be dangerous. Lol. In other words, if a couple/husband/wife i meet online knows all the right things to say to get my attention...how do i know if they are not genuine? I have to indulge in conversation. Which is fine. But when it comes about they are not sincere or change their mind months into a flowing conversation...it leaves me feeling dirty. IDK why. I'm a private person and that has been the most bothersome thing for me to experience. Talking to someone and going thru some pretty private thoughts about my relationship with God, my personal revelation about plural marriage, my experiences. These are all things you want to talk about when you first meet someone. But for me...those things are very private. And i try now to wait to disclose some of that until i absolutely have to, just to wait for the other shoe to drop before i reveal myself.

I wonder if anyone can relate?
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Actually I can relate. I'm a male rather than a female so the gender roles are reversed but other than that I perceive it as a similar experience. I'll use the word "people" rather than "women" because what I'm talking about is the similarities of the experience rather than gender-bashing.

It is scary exposing myself, and (worse) exposing my wife, to the risk of possibly being treated again the way I've been treated in the past. I've been through the whole thing of people being friendly until they know enough to use the information against you. I've been through the whole thing of people making promises and then breaking them. I've been through the whole thing of people seeming one way and then changing later. I've been talked to in ways that I wouldn't even talk to my dogs. I've been hit. I've been the target of thrown objects.

A woman that I was courting, and recently ended the courtship, didn't seem to understand why screaming "f*** you" at others (me or my wife in this case) is completely unacceptable in my household. She didn't even seem to get it when I pointed out that no one has said that to her and therefore we didn't want it said to us. (Sorry about the exception to the rule there but I just don't feel comfortable saying "a person that I was courting" even though it's the same concept in this case. No one, male or female, deserves to have others screaming the f-bomb at them.)

I can relate to what you're saying because I've been treated the same way.
 
starlit said:
I was criticized for searching for a family because a few families wanted women that could have many children.
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Everyone has their own idea of what plural marriage might be. But to expect their expectation to actually happen in reality, rather than to leave it in God's hands and be willing to accept whoever He brings to them, reveals a lot about a person's motivation, whether their focus is on themselves or God. And is a terribly hurtful thing to do.
What even strikes me as even more bizarre are families that will show interest in someone they dont really like or feel compelled to talk to. Why approach someone and start a exchange of information if months later your going to criticize them because they are too old or not attractive enough?
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Because they're so desperate for extra sex that they talk to everyone with a vagina, maybe?
Because they're a scammer and tag people along until they realise they're not getting any money from them, then insult them to get rid of them in a way that doesn't alert them to the fact that they're a scammer so they aren't reported to whatever dating service they found the person on?
I really can't think of an honest, sane reason.
At times i have concluded that on the fringe (very far far fringe) of plural marriage are some pretty sadistic people. But of course, none from the BF site!
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Never assume that because someone is on this site they're ok, we don't screen anybody, and the odd weirdo shows up here also. But there is a sane core of good people!
 
starlit said:
What even strikes me as even more bizarre are families that will show interest in someone they dont really like or feel compelled to talk to. Why approach someone and start a exchange of information if months later your going to criticize them because they are too old or not attractive enough? At times i have concluded that on the fringe (very far far fringe) of plural marriage are some pretty sadistic people. But of course, none from the BF site!
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I think I understand it. I don't agree with it but I've been through enough therapy that I think I understand it.

According to my therapists (plural, one at at time but more than one) but the most likely thought process going through their head is "I don't want to tell him/her that I'm immature and insensitive enough to dump them because of __________ so I'm going to say __________ instead because it seems more socially acceptable." There are probably exceptions but that seems to be the consensus of my therapists on the most common thought process.
 
FollowingHim said:
"Everyone has their own idea of what plural marriage might be. But to expect their expectation to actually happen in reality, rather than to leave it in God's hands and be willing to accept whoever He brings to them, reveals a lot about a person's motivation, whether their focus is on themselves or God. And is a terribly hurtful thing to do."

You hit the nail on the head i think Samuel. Not that im perfect and have it all figured out. But for me one thing i desire to do (and try to focus on) is to serve Heavenly Father. I think many people, families and singles, lose that perspective...and worry about me,me,me.

"Because they're so desperate for extra sex that they talk to everyone with a vagina, maybe?Because they're a scammer and tag people along until they realise they're not getting any money from them, then insult them to get rid of them in a way that doesn't alert them to the fact that they're a scammer so they aren't reported to whatever dating service they found the person on? I really can't think of an honest, sane reason."

The thought had occurred to me that some are looking into this lifestyle for sex. But scammers? That actually gave me goosebumps. Seriously. Im going to write down all of the families i spoke to (that i can remember) and try to remember what i told them. One single guy that i spoke to recently (and commented about because he became very abusive verbally) came instantly to mind when you wrote that. When i questioned meeting him and trying to decided what our thoughts and feelings were so far...he went off on me. In a way that made me uncomfortable having any more contact with him. I did tell him a few things i regret now. So i hope i can sleep tonite.....


"Never assume that because someone is on this site they're ok, we don't screen anybody, and the odd weirdo shows up here also. But there is a sane core of good people!"

I didn't mean that...just that i hadn't talked to any yet! lol.
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Wesley said:
...... the most likely thought process going through their head is "I don't want to tell him/her that I'm immature and insensitive enough to dump them because of __________ so I'm going to say __________ instead because it seems more socially acceptable." There are probably exceptions but that seems to be the consensus of my therapists on the most common thought process.
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True. But that leaves the pondering mind to wonder what is worse than what is being said? :)
 
Wesley's suggestion sounds more accurate than mine, in most cases. "Worse" for them would be them having the guts to dump you, which they don't, so they make you dump them instead. If you've never met in person anyway and they're happy to insult you this makes no logical sense, but emotions have nothing to do with logic!
 
FollowingHim said:
...but emotions have nothing to do with logic!
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I agree with you. You might have some difficulty getting some others to agree with that statement however.
 
ylop said:
Gideon_70 said:
I'm 47 and in great hood
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Is that the black hat in your profile photo?

yeah, its pretty cool...
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LOL, I have no idea how health turned into hood.
 
I never polygamy wife for 3 years her husband just passed away but year ago and now I'm in search for a new family I'm currently located in Florida but relocating in the next month to the Elizabeth City North Carolina and Virginia Beach area
My statement is why are we always shamed of being polygamy when we have gays lesbian transgender sex change marriages around I feel we need to come out of the closet and not be ashamed of who we are I understand the complications when you have younger children I am in my sixties and my children are grown so I do not have that problem but I understand the ones that do thank you Lynn
 
Welcome Lynn! I'd suggest a post in the introductions forum and swinging by for ladies chat on Tuesday nights. Enjoy the forum.
 
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