Threw It out there- sort of

[JesseHasQuestions]

So, the other day, I just sort of threw it out there as a sort of "what if" kind of thing. I didn't hint at any interest, or that I was looking into it, but I just wanted to see if he totally freaked out at the mere mention of the idea... I stated it like, "so... if it were biblical... what do you or would you think of polygamy?"
Now mind you, it was 5:30 in the morning, he had just woke up, was sipping his first cup of coffee through half open eyes, sitting at his computer as I sat at mine and he slowly turned around in his desk, looked at me and went "huh?"
So I repeated the question: "if it were biblical... what do you or would you think of polygamy?" He got this wry grin on his face and said "Jesse, I wasn't sure I heard you right, I wanted to make sure. I think it may be too early for that question!" And turned back around... after a few minutes he turned back around and asked, "why do you ask?"
So I told him, "Sometimes I just wonder, ya know, if you would be happier if you had someone who could do the things we used to do together with you. If you would want that."
He told me, he thought it could be interesting, but he was happy with me. And honestly didn't think he would have time for another woman even if he could have one.

I let it drop at that. He seemed kinda shocked that I brought it up, but not in a grossed out "what the heck are you thinking!" kind of way. He didn't seem overly interested or disinterested one way or the other. Maybe it is more my insecurities wanting this for him. If he says he is happy then maybe I just need to trust that too.

 

[Taller on my knees]

Hi Jesse and welcome. Trusting in that sounds like a great way to look at it. The fact that you are open to his needs in this fashion says a lot about your love and willingness to trust his decisions. In time he may find the option of a second wife more appealing and the Lord may lead you both to such a calling in His time. While personal needs are important to a small degree, I feel that arrangements which benefit all parties involved are going to have the best chance of success.
Time is in short supply for him at this moment, so dividing what little he has would not be so beneficial to anyone. If that changes in the future and God places someone in your path who needs you as much as you need her (and perhaps her children), then at least he will have one less worry on his mind and feel freer to follow that calling.
For now, trust in his love for you and let that deepen all the more. I understand that insecurities can arise when you lose previous abilities and our initial response is to make up for any areas in which we feel we are lacking. However, that would be a poor and perhaps disastrous motivation to start a journey that will impact the rest of your life. If in time you do choose to expand your family, be certain that it is a decision of love and not a compensation for internal insecurities.
Trust your husband's love for you and allow him to lead the process as he sees fit. Pray for him daily that the Lord lead him in what is best and also pray that you will find peace in whatever path is laid before you. There are many here who would be happy to partner with you in prayer. If you find that you need help, this is a great place to reach out. You may also want to get to know the ladies in the weekly ladies chat to hear firsthand accounts of the struggles and blessings of a plural marriage. God bless.


-Will

 

[JesseHasQuestions]

Will,
Thank you for your response. This was sort of my conclusion as well. I think in the last few years, as my health has suffered and I have lost the ability (but no the desire) to do many of the things I previously was able to do for my husband, I have felt less and less of a wife and woman. We have struggled for years to have children together, and I have always felt blessed to have his three children from his previous marriage (I call them my bonus kids). But this last year we were devastated when, undergoing fertility treatments almost killed me, and the suggested treatment is a full hysterectomy and to never try again. That followed by a diagnosis of a genetic disease that, while not terminal, will be life long and degenerative, has left me feeling a bit lost.
My faith has carried me through and I know without a doubt that God has a plan for me. He has never once let me down, or forsaken me. This journey is just very lonely this time as we have no church family (we are still looking for one), have moved to a place hundreds of miles away from friends and family, and have all of this new difficulty to overcome.
It is funny, before my husband I was engaged to a man, I wont go into the details, but this man was EVERYTHING I ever DREAMED of and more. He was smart, rich, educated, a Christian, oh I was so in love! After he Cheated on me and married his wife while we were engaged to be married (see why I didn't tell the whole story, it would take forever to explain! ) I was devastated! I met my husband soon after and he was NOTHING like I had in mind for a husband... We were both broken hearted and ran to each other and were married a year later.
The miracle is GOD IS GRACIOUS! My husband is EXACTLY what I NEEDED. God didn't give me what I "wanted" He gave me what He knew I would need. We fought (my husband and I) like cats and gods those first few years trying to figure things out (all the stuff that SHOULD have been done during dating) but we are better for it. I don't think I have ever trusted anyone the way I trust my husband. He always has my heart and best interests in mind, even when he makes the wrong decision, it is always with the right intentions.

I suppose what I am trying to say is, I just love him so much I was and am willing to be open to anything that would make him happy, as long as it didn't go against Gods word. That is why I came here. I think I will still talk to the ladies on the Tuesday night thing. Hear what they say.
Again thank you for your response.

 

[FollowingHim]

We fought ... like cats and gods

Now that's something that would be interesting to see!

I second everything Will said. Trust your husband. But also pray for him, every day, that he would listen to God and lead your family in the way that He wishes to take you. God may have led you to understand plural marriage because He wishes you to practice it. Or He may have led you to understand it so that you will be able to relate well to somebody else in your life who ends up practicing it and needs your support. You don't know, just follow God's leading. But talk to the ladies too.