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Vexation
- Thread starter Happyhen
- Start date
I certainly don't feel vexed by my husband choosing a second. I feel blessed!
I think if you have accepted polygamy in your heart, love him and love the girl he chooses it wouldn't be a vexation.
I think there is a difference if a husband is choosing to bring in another wife to intentionally be a vexation to his existing wife - that isn’t kind - vs if she perceives his actions as being a vexation.
However, I do think a husband taking a second wife and having it not feel like a vexation to the first wife is harder for some than others. Even with the best efforts to accept it, plural can still bring up a pain and unsettling in my heart like nothing else I’ve experienced in life.
Why? Maybe it’s like how some women are naturally great mothers while others have to work harder at just being a decent mom. Likewise, some first wives are like @Joleneakamama and truly desired plural while others struggle with accepting it and have to actively choose to submit and walk in obedience even when it hurts.
However, I do think a husband taking a second wife and having it not feel like a vexation to the first wife is harder for some than others. Even with the best efforts to accept it, plural can still bring up a pain and unsettling in my heart like nothing else I’ve experienced in life.
Why? Maybe it’s like how some women are naturally great mothers while others have to work harder at just being a decent mom. Likewise, some first wives are like @Joleneakamama and truly desired plural while others struggle with accepting it and have to actively choose to submit and walk in obedience even when it hurts.
If your husband is wise and takes the time to help lay a good foundation between you and a potential wife, things go much better in the beginning. Taking the time to build a good friendship with her makes all the difference in having patience, empathy and trust in her, and your husband. But as @WifeOfHisYouth said, there will most likely be moments of insecurity/fear/vexation in the beginning as God is maturing you.
You shouldn't become a "Stepford wife" during the courting of a potential by any means, be honest with yourself and your husband about how you feel but with respect and self-control. Walking in trust isn't always easy but hopefully you will see what your husband sees and what God sees in this lady as you do your part to build a friendship. And if it doesn't work out then you have exercised your trust muscle for the next time!
You shouldn't become a "Stepford wife" during the courting of a potential by any means, be honest with yourself and your husband about how you feel but with respect and self-control. Walking in trust isn't always easy but hopefully you will see what your husband sees and what God sees in this lady as you do your part to build a friendship. And if it doesn't work out then you have exercised your trust muscle for the next time!