Wearing the mask.....

[MissJ]

I have stayed quiet for a little while. I have read and spoken with individuals both offsite and here. I have considered their thoughts and feelings, as well as my own. Whether individuals are in a monogamous or pm, not all but many hide behind a mask. Smiling and laughing, meanwhile struggling inside or shedding tears in silent. It made me think of Paul Laurence Dunbar. Though he wrote this for another reason. It makes me think it applies to me and others now.
I am thankful we have the Father above to help.

We Wear the Mask
BY PAUL LAURENCE DUNBAR
We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

 

[Joleneakamama]

Very interesting poem....and concept.

For me I love the idea of transparency. Being able to trust your family, and ideally some friends with the real you. Because to my way of thinking, you don't even have a real friend, if you have to pretend.
This is why I love that saying "I'd rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I'm not."
I am in a different place then many though. My parents considered polygamy when I was young, and so I was not raised with the programed aversion to it most women deal with. And I have an unusual hubby that is open to it, but not really looking, and very happy with the family he has. No pressure or stress for me.....except what goes with being the only wife that has to do (or try to do) whatever he needs help with.
(Puts on different hat, and works at writing an amendment to a legal plea)
Job share still appeals to me! LOL

 

[MissJ]

Jolene that is really nice to know.
There seems to be a general consensus I have gathered. Many are not like you. Honesty with ones self is key before one can be honest to a next. I don't think pm or marriage in general is easy. With many I have spoken with, I feel a great sadness for the things I hear.

 

[Joleneakamama]

I have heard a lot of stories too over the years, and it does seem many who end up living polygyny had zero interest, and would rather have stayed monogamous.

It would be a huge adjustment, and would require MAJOR change for most, and feeling like you really didn't have a real choice in it.....tough stuff!

I feel that having a more biblical view of marriage has been a blessing, and that our current understanding has made us closer, and our marriage stronger. I wish it was like that for everyone.

 

[julieb]

Honesty with ones self is key before one can be honest to a next. I don't think pm or marriage in general is easy. With many I have spoken with, I feel a great sadness for the things I hear.

I love this....honesty with others can only truly come when you are honest with yourself. I am a recovering People Pleaser so this really resonates with me. Plural marriage forced me to give up my mask and be honest with myself and then my family. It took time to be brave enough to do it (or more like, mad enough at others or myself to do it.) but then the Lord had the right foundation to start building on. Building on my relationship with Him, with my husband, with my SW, and with my son. God could have used something else to get me to that place but for me it was plural marriage. I understand that their is a lot of sadness in plural marriage, at least a season of it, because it requires us to die to self, die to our Idols and die to the lies that we have believed in. Yet, does that make it "bad"? Don't we tell our children that even when things are hard that it doesn't mean they won't bring us good or that it is the right thing to do? I think an important aspect about plural marriage is the daily question of, what are you going to do with the things God is showing you? Are you going to hold tighter to your "old thinking" or are you going to let go and trust that he is walking with you thru something difficult but life changing for you?

It is a journey....one that is rocky, smooth, wet and glorious. At least, it can be if we walk it with purpose and intent, giving our Savior all the Glory.