It would help if you were to avoid definitive statements.
Just state your beliefs as your beliefs.
-
Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.
What is the difference between head of house and controlling?
- Thread starter OhMyStars
- Start date
Just state your beliefs as your beliefs.
Lucy Ricardo was a work of art; always undermining her husband, and jealous of any woman that came around.
There is no difference when it is done in love. My husband is not domineering but he can be controlling about certain things he thinks are in the best interest of our family, kids, money, or etc. He's the head of the house and to be the head of the house he is expected to lead. Does he force us to do stuff? No. We follow his lead and that's his role.
Sometimes he lets us lead on certain things and on some stuff he just lets us run it.
That's what patriarchy is about and it isn't a bad thing when it is done in love.
Nothing, there’s no difference. And there shouldn’t be.
The way you have this worded, you come across as a teen who still lives at home relying on mama to take care of him and not a man.
Dude turn the TV off, you'll be so screwed up, you're screwed up will be screwed up. Please tell me this is a joke. Instead of looking to the TV for marriage examples you definitely need to read the Bible. Now I know you said you look to the Bible up above but something tells me you aren't taking it seriously.
For instance...
Genesis 3:16 KJV Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
You will notice it says "and he shall rule over thee" referring to the woman. It doesn't say she will rule over him.
You mentioned above that "I ask my mother for permission" which I find in direct violation in the below passage.
1 Corinthians 11:3 KJV But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
You see the head of the woman is the man, NOT the opposite.
1 Peter 3:1-6 KJV Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; (2) While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. (3) Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; (4) But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. (5) For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: (6) Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
Ephesians 5:33 KJV Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
See the Scriptures are very clear on what the woman is to do, "be in subjection to your own husbands", "calling him lord", and "reverence her husband". This is not me, this is Bible and finally, let's not forget...
Proverbs 31:10-31 KJV Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. (11) The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. (12) She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. (13) She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. (14) She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. (15) She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. (16) She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. (17) She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. (18) She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. (19) She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. (20) She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. (21) She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. (22) She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. (23) Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. (24) She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. (25) Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. (26) She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. (27) She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. (28) Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. (29) Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. (30) Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. (31) Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
I have NEVER come across a passage when men are living right that they have a woman ruling over them or getting permission from a woman to do something.
The below verse is not a positive verse.
Isaiah 3:12 KJV As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths.
There is a lot for you to think about and I do say this in love and edification to those seeking Truth.
This whole response! Amen!
If a wife feels like her husband “is controlling”. And negativity is being fostered in the home. She can submit herself to his authority and will, to his control. Or she can act in rebellion against his control, authority and will. Full stop. There are no real grey areas here. She is either obeying GOD or she is in rebellion/sin against His commandments.
"....obedient to your husbands in the things you agree with as long as he is being sweet with how he makes his requests." New Feminist Bible 2020
"...obedient to their own husbands that the word of God be not blasphemed." KJV
Ephesians 5
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
"As", the same as, in the same way, with the same attitude and demeanor, exactly as you would to the Lord. So let the wives be subject to their own husbands in every thing. You should put yourself beneath your husband's authority and wishes as if he were God himself giving the command. Because he is quite literally God's agent in the matter. Just as a vice president can show up with an order from the president on the disposition of troops. He can act with the authority of the president in the matter because he has been given authority.
Your heart and attitude upon hearing the wishes of your husband should be just the same as if God himself were standing in the room making his wishes made known. If God himself showed up and said, dear woman, I sure would like if you wore that one dress that I like, and it would be great if supper was ready at 5. You would leap to obey and please him and do so with joy and reverence in your heart because the King of Kings just asked you to do something for Him. You would do it to glorify Him and to please Him. And you'd probably be excited to show him how well you could fulfil his wishes wouldn't you?
After she chooses to honor God’s will in the matter (which I sincerely hope she does for her sake) she can humbly go to her man and ask if she is displeasing him, or if there is something deeper going on that she can help him with. Is he stressed by things he has not brought up to her? Outside events? Can she help relieve some of that stress? *wink wink* Sometimes this means you get the kiddos put down for a nap, or busy with something, or down for bed, you take a bath and clean up, put on some makeup or whatever you do to "feel pretty". Honestly, you should do what your husband likes to see, and go seduce him. Make your attitude all about desiring him, and wanting to drain all the stress and worries from his whole body. Then ask him those above questions.
You see, we protect our women. Sometimes we are protecting you from knowledge of something that would stress you beyond your ability to cope. So naturally you cannot know what the thing is or else the protection would be gone. Brings to mind this image, except switch out the child for a wife. We are fighting battles for you that sometimes you cannot know about. Give your man the benefit of the doubt. Change your heart and attitude from "I'm being treated unfairly!" to "he must be so overwhelmed, how can I help and bless him?"
You can choose to win him with your "chaste conversation" (behaviors, attitudes). Or you can choose to harden his heart against you with rebellion and adding to his stress. You can be part of the problem or part of the blessed solution. God instructs you in how to be a blessing and solution. He warns against being part of the problem.
You have to always go back to the root purpose and drive of each spouse. His purpose and drive is to protect. (manage and control the dangers and threats) Ensure his family is cared for and provided all their needs. And to procreate. If the wife can understand this and truly set her mind to helping him as best she can. She will cease worrying about how “controlling” he is being. And will become a fully submissive and willing, joyful helper in everything.
When he's short with you, or grouchy, Don't take it personally. Assume the best, assume he loves and adores you but today he is overwhelmed with life and needs some extra grace and help. Instead of returning his sharp tongue with your own sharp tongue. Give him a soft tongue *if ya know what I mean*. You'll COMPLETELY change his heart towards you and you will have a great day. Always assume the best, and look for ways to bless him beyond his ability to handle all your blessings.
Does he deserve that kind of treatment? Some would say no, others would say yes. He truly deserves death, but if you treat him as your Lord and Master here on earth, then he deserves your everything, your all, your joy, devotion, the outpouring of all your creativity and blessings.
Let's flip the script. If you're having a terrible day and speak harshly to him, and instead of him responding with anger. He bustles the kids out, takes your task from your hands, sits you down and gives you a back rub (only a back rub) and kisses you tenderly, speaks words of affirmation, gives you a piece of chocolate and then helps you knock out the task. His response is tender care and affection instead of harsh words and slammed doors. Would you say you deserved to be treated with generosity and kindness? Maybe yes, maybe no. I say the answer should always be to give generously, return love for hate, bless and curse not. Always look for ways to bless and build up. A foolish woman tears down her own house.
If he is negatively "controlling", assume the best and believe he is protecting you. Believe he is trying his best to do what is best for you and your family and receive his control with a twinkle in your eye, big smile, suggestion of love and desire on your lips and a "yes Lord/Master" response.
Go to him and apologize (whether the apology is needed or not mind you) for bad behavior and attitudes. Profess your desire to be a wonderful helper to him, fully submitted to his will for your life and family. Apologize for anything you might have done in the past that dishonored him or his wishes. Ask how you can serve him. Ask him how he would like for you to dress, and adorn yourself. How often he would like to have sex, when he wants to eat his meals. You will likely blow his mind and he will start blessing your name publicly. He will change his heart towards you. His negative controlling attitude will change. You will win him by your chaste behavior coupled with fear.
Remember, your man is your physical example and representative of Christ on earth. Reverence him like you would your Lord and Master. Obey him accordingly. That is what the Most High instructs you to do. He blesses obedience.
"....obedient to your husbands in the things you agree with as long as he is being sweet with how he makes his requests." New Feminist Bible 2020
"...obedient to their own husbands that the word of God be not blasphemed." KJV
Ephesians 5
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
"As", the same as, in the same way, with the same attitude and demeanor, exactly as you would to the Lord. So let the wives be subject to their own husbands in every thing. You should put yourself beneath your husband's authority and wishes as if he were God himself giving the command. Because he is quite literally God's agent in the matter. Just as a vice president can show up with an order from the president on the disposition of troops. He can act with the authority of the president in the matter because he has been given authority.
Your heart and attitude upon hearing the wishes of your husband should be just the same as if God himself were standing in the room making his wishes made known. If God himself showed up and said, dear woman, I sure would like if you wore that one dress that I like, and it would be great if supper was ready at 5. You would leap to obey and please him and do so with joy and reverence in your heart because the King of Kings just asked you to do something for Him. You would do it to glorify Him and to please Him. And you'd probably be excited to show him how well you could fulfil his wishes wouldn't you?
After she chooses to honor God’s will in the matter (which I sincerely hope she does for her sake) she can humbly go to her man and ask if she is displeasing him, or if there is something deeper going on that she can help him with. Is he stressed by things he has not brought up to her? Outside events? Can she help relieve some of that stress? *wink wink* Sometimes this means you get the kiddos put down for a nap, or busy with something, or down for bed, you take a bath and clean up, put on some makeup or whatever you do to "feel pretty". Honestly, you should do what your husband likes to see, and go seduce him. Make your attitude all about desiring him, and wanting to drain all the stress and worries from his whole body. Then ask him those above questions.
You see, we protect our women. Sometimes we are protecting you from knowledge of something that would stress you beyond your ability to cope. So naturally you cannot know what the thing is or else the protection would be gone. Brings to mind this image, except switch out the child for a wife. We are fighting battles for you that sometimes you cannot know about. Give your man the benefit of the doubt. Change your heart and attitude from "I'm being treated unfairly!" to "he must be so overwhelmed, how can I help and bless him?"
You can choose to win him with your "chaste conversation" (behaviors, attitudes). Or you can choose to harden his heart against you with rebellion and adding to his stress. You can be part of the problem or part of the blessed solution. God instructs you in how to be a blessing and solution. He warns against being part of the problem.
You have to always go back to the root purpose and drive of each spouse. His purpose and drive is to protect. (manage and control the dangers and threats) Ensure his family is cared for and provided all their needs. And to procreate. If the wife can understand this and truly set her mind to helping him as best she can. She will cease worrying about how “controlling” he is being. And will become a fully submissive and willing, joyful helper in everything.
When he's short with you, or grouchy, Don't take it personally. Assume the best, assume he loves and adores you but today he is overwhelmed with life and needs some extra grace and help. Instead of returning his sharp tongue with your own sharp tongue. Give him a soft tongue *if ya know what I mean*. You'll COMPLETELY change his heart towards you and you will have a great day. Always assume the best, and look for ways to bless him beyond his ability to handle all your blessings.
Does he deserve that kind of treatment? Some would say no, others would say yes. He truly deserves death, but if you treat him as your Lord and Master here on earth, then he deserves your everything, your all, your joy, devotion, the outpouring of all your creativity and blessings.
Let's flip the script. If you're having a terrible day and speak harshly to him, and instead of him responding with anger. He bustles the kids out, takes your task from your hands, sits you down and gives you a back rub (only a back rub) and kisses you tenderly, speaks words of affirmation, gives you a piece of chocolate and then helps you knock out the task. His response is tender care and affection instead of harsh words and slammed doors. Would you say you deserved to be treated with generosity and kindness? Maybe yes, maybe no. I say the answer should always be to give generously, return love for hate, bless and curse not. Always look for ways to bless and build up. A foolish woman tears down her own house.
If he is negatively "controlling", assume the best and believe he is protecting you. Believe he is trying his best to do what is best for you and your family and receive his control with a twinkle in your eye, big smile, suggestion of love and desire on your lips and a "yes Lord/Master" response.
Go to him and apologize (whether the apology is needed or not mind you) for bad behavior and attitudes. Profess your desire to be a wonderful helper to him, fully submitted to his will for your life and family. Apologize for anything you might have done in the past that dishonored him or his wishes. Ask how you can serve him. Ask him how he would like for you to dress, and adorn yourself. How often he would like to have sex, when he wants to eat his meals. You will likely blow his mind and he will start blessing your name publicly. He will change his heart towards you. His negative controlling attitude will change. You will win him by your chaste behavior coupled with fear.
Remember, your man is your physical example and representative of Christ on earth. Reverence him like you would your Lord and Master. Obey him accordingly. That is what the Most High instructs you to do. He blesses obedience.
Last edited:
I would like to share this on FB as NickF. Yes/No?
It stirred up a hornet's nest, and to be honest, I did not see that coming, I knew it would ruffle some feathers, but not the nest LOL. Oh and I am a Narcissist.
Here is the first woman's reply...
“Women obey your husband even if he treats you like crap because he is human but you mustn’t ever be anything but quiet, sexually available, and in every way scripturally perfect.” Chauvinistic Pig Bible 2022 
Men use stuff like this post every day to abuse their wives or to be lazy in how they treat their wife. It’s a grotesque sin to tell a woman she must be perfect but he doesn’t have to be….a wife should call him out on it.
I find it fascinating how abused these scriptures on submission are and the fact that #1 you’ve never really had a relationship with God if you constantly worry about such details, and #2 you’ve also never really read your Bible.
If the men of the church would really and truly love their wives the divorce rate wouldn’t be what it is today. Stop trying to control her with these distortions of scripture and start trying to love her. You’d be amazed at how submissive she would be to her husband then.
If only Yah knew her secret to leadership, it would pretty much solve all of the world’s problems.
Not understanding what you mean by the wife handle the church?
Coming to this fresh so I will relate to y'all what I told to a girl who is interested in my little tribe and what what have going on earlier this morning...
Yes, I am in charge. No, I don't wish to need to give orders. I want us to work hand in glove as a family. If I have to lay down the law then there has been a failure at some point. Maybe mine and maybe someone else's. We should all wish to rectify the mistake, get on the same page and move forward with the minimum of muss and fuss.
We should all love each other and want the best for each other and treat each other with honest good will.
If we can manage that, then we can manage a family without my needing to act like management
Yes, I am in charge. No, I don't wish to need to give orders. I want us to work hand in glove as a family. If I have to lay down the law then there has been a failure at some point. Maybe mine and maybe someone else's. We should all wish to rectify the mistake, get on the same page and move forward with the minimum of muss and fuss.
We should all love each other and want the best for each other and treat each other with honest good will.
If we can manage that, then we can manage a family without my needing to act like management
If you're the kind of man who is willing to 'lay down the law' then odds are the failure won't be on your part. It'll be on the part of the person who came into relationship with you not understanding that in your house you are the law.
(Says the woman who learned that the hard way)
