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What kinda church should I look for?

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Let's pretend the right women is at a "Church" since so many of you think I should marry a Christian.

What kinda Church should I go to where people are not brainwashed? How do I find it?
 
You start looking....and keep looking....and look......!

I think churches are mostly a reflection of culture so you'd probably have as good a chance at the mall.
 
Hmmm. Good question, Carl.

Are you heading to church primarily to pick up chicks? Or to meet God with fellow believers?

In selecting a church, I am personally interested in Rev 14:12, "Here is the patience of the saints; here are those who keep the commandments of God and the faith of Jesus." I'd like to be numbered among that crowd.

For myself, I'm going to hunt for a church that keeps the commandments and doesn't try to explain why we don't have to.

I'm also going to hunt for one that has the faith of Jesus, though I readily admit that is open to interpretation.

And, presumably, is patient.

How all that will apply in an individual's case is of course up to them. The level of certainty I suspect you seek, which says, "Go to THIS one and you'll be doing right. Any other isn't.", doesn't exist. Ultimately, it's all about your individual relationship with God. Same for any woman you meet.
 
CecilW said:
Hmmm. Good question, Carl.

Are you heading to church primarily to pick up chicks? Or to meet God with fellow believers?

In selecting a church, I am personally interested in Rev 14:12, "Here is the patience of the saints; here are those who keep the commandments of God and the faith of Jesus." I'd like to be numbered among that crowd.

For myself, I'm going to hunt for a church that keeps the commandments and doesn't try to explain why we don't have to.

I'm also going to hunt for one that has the faith of Jesus, though I readily admit that is open to interpretation.

And, presumably, is patient.

How all that will apply in an individual's case is of course up to them. The level of certainty I suspect you seek, which says, "Go to THIS one and you'll be doing right. Any other isn't.", doesn't exist. Ultimately, it's all about your individual relationship with God. Same for any woman you meet.
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Someone told me i should go to Church to find a spouse or girlfriend because they are looking for men who fear God

When I explained that girls do not like me specifically because I fear God

They told me if the reason girls do not like me is because I fear God then I am finding the wrong girls and this person suggested going to a Church or Churches, but was not specific about which Church.

I explained that people are brainwashed at most Churches so it does no good and they agreed with me that they are generally brainwashed and they added that they generally want to follow the desires of their heart (I assumed they meant even if it is a desire to be self-deceived/do bad.)
(These were not the exact words of me or the individual)

1 How do you find a spouse
2. How do you find a good Church
3. Should you find your spouse at Church

I would prefer to have a matchmaker find me a spouse and or girlfriend (preferably a spouse out of the two) but I have trouble finding a matchmaker at a Church who is pro-polygyny for the same reason I have trouble finding a woman at a Church who is pro-polygyny. If I could find a matchmaker at a Church I could probably find a girlfriend, but if I could find a girlfriend at a Church I could probably find a matchmaker, because I am guessing they could both be found at the same type of Church community.
 
itainteasy said:
Get some money together or get a ride to a retreat!
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Do you think if I went to a Biblical families retreat I could probably find a woman interested in me or someone who could find a woman interested in me for me?
 
The first thing required for you to find a good woman who might be interested in you is for you to be comfortable in your own skin and rejoicing in your walk with God. It will not matter if you go to the most wonderful, spiritual church or the raunchiest bar, if you are not comfortable and confident in your self. Putting such an emphasis upon finding a woman leaves you looking desperate and insecure. I recommend that you invest yourself in becoming more and more the man God designed you to be. Most women that you would find to be desirable wife material, are looking for a man that is strong and confident, sure of himself. They would find those qualities desirable because they want someone they can rely on and trust, not someone that needs them. Many women are like banks, you have to show that you really don't need a loan before they will give you one. Most or many women are attracted to men that are not needy, but that are self-assured.
 
DTT wrote,
Woman like the self-confident ...........type. Women who are .......... are generally more cooperative but that is not a Christian virtue. Because I do not treat women like ...., that is why they do not like .
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No sir!!! Real women, godly women, spiritual women do not like or want the "wife beating type". Perhaps you do not know what real women are like or what they like. You sir, are doomed to failure until you get away from this mind set. The problem is not that there are no good women in our country and culture (there are lots and lots looking for real men), the problem is that you are not yet ready to find one, because you are still unsure in your walk with God. Take care of the first things and God will bring the right person to you.
 
Ok Discussing here goes my womanly perspective,

I understand your frustration about the state of most single females today (especially in the area where you live, perhaps)

Anyway, sometimes I wonder what topic you are discussing, really? I think it is good that you not stray from the topic into many intellectual contortions because that makes conversation much easier. (That is a hint when dealing with the ladies-stay on topic!) Also if we are all able to have terms defined that really helps also. For example what do you mean by "brainwashed"? It is a term thrown around frequently-liberals will call conservatives brainwashed and vice-versa. That is just one example of what I mean. I have noticed in posts that what you mean by something and what others mean by the same word is different and then there will be misunderstanding of your questions and discussions.

It really helps if you refer back to the bible for definitions and causes of problems instead of Wikipedia (very unrealibale anyway)! The reason I reccomended retreats is because of the spiritual aspect for you. If you understood the biblical concept of "assembling of oursleves" then wether you should go to church to find a wife (is that what you are looking for?) would not even be a question. You would desire the fellowship of others greatly and it would pain you that you would have to miss it because of the world's monogamy rules that have affected the church. I know that is what almost every chrsitian on here regrets the most about being involved in/believing in poly (can i get an Amen from Doc, Hugh, etc.?)

Sooo if you get to a retreat your understanding of the bible, God, family will be so spritually enriched just from the spirit of the brethren all around you even before a word is said. When spirtiual life is enriched you will have the proper perspective on your singleness, even if it may still pain you and your "search" for a wife will be more covered in prayer (as well as other christians praying for you and spirtiually mature brethren possibly helping you with matchmaking!) See how that works-it falls into place. It is not magic. God does not guarantee you will have women falling at your feet when you are more spiritual but you will not need or want mental acrobatics to figure out the perfect formula to find her either and when you do find her you will be better equiped to know how to deal with her in the right way, not so much according to Simon (who???) or Freud or anyone else but the Lord first!

This is coming from "the chief of sinners" as far as deep spirituality goes, I must tell you, so don't think I'm trying to be all that. I need as much prayer/biblical mind adjustement/spirit focus as the next girl but I know for a fact that is what it takes. Think of it this way- intellectual humbling sometimes is what one needs to hear from God. Not shutting of your brain/logic but quieting it a bit, you see?
 
Itainteasy,

You nailed this post! I could really tell you were lead by the Spirit writing this. I concur with everything you said, especially about what happens when we assemble at the retreats. Gary and I went last year and felt exactly the way you described it in your post. Outstanding words of wisdom from you, girl!
 
Amen, ItAintEasy & LutheranGirl.
 
DTT,

As a woman, I implore you to heed the advice of Cecil and John Whitten. Really listen to what they have said in this thread...it is the truth.

ITA with itainteasy... you'd be surprised how many available women suddenly appear.

Just sayin.
 
I find the best thing to do is pray and let God led. Find a church that follows God and believes in Jesus, anyone you are confortable in. Hopefully you can find one that's poly-friendly. If you can't then tell people what you believe and why you believe it. I've done this and it's turned out well for me, people seem to be more accepting than you'd imagine. Eventually, if your heart is alligned with God's he WILL give you the desire of your heart. And if that's for a wife(s) then he will provide. Be patient and follow God.
 
After reading this post I could feel the frustration of this person and wanted to say something. . If one walks in faith, trust, conviction and love of God, self confidence will develop. If one continues to look for a partner and does not trust in God failure will overshadow as nothing can be accomplished without God. When the time is right God will provide a woman that will be an excellent wife and mother. One must have faith and not hurry things. Patience and exploring oneself in preparation for marriage is equally important. Blessings
 
I wanted to add, I have never found anyone on a dating site...ever. Even a supposed Christian site was the same the others, very disappointing, when I was very young and used to go out to dance...well that is what dating sites remind me of, except on the internet not in person. I think that I would like to meet people in person, in my area however, there are no churches that I know of, that really match my beliefs about marriage or anything else for that matter, so it is a quandary. I am praying on it. I will know if something is right, because I am leaving it up to God.
 
lights12 said:
I wanted to add, I have never found anyone on a dating site...ever. Even a supposed Christian site was the same the others, very disappointing, when I was very young and used to go out to dance...well that is what dating sites remind me of, except on the internet not in person. I think that I would like to meet people in person, in my area however, there are no churches that I know of, that really match my beliefs about marriage or anything else for that matter, so it is a quandary. I am praying on it. I will know if something is right, because I am leaving it up to God.
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And I suppose we are the counter-example; Diener found me on perfectmatch.com (though we were not supposed to be a match ;)).
 
Here is the model I'm working with now. Find a church/group who agrees with your core beliefs minus the poly thing and go there for now. Look at groups like meetup,craigslist for poly positive people to connect in your area.Then maybe a home/study group can be formed of like minded persons. Good luck on your search.
 
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