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What makes a Marriage?

CecilW

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Real Person
Male
Stirring the pot for thought and discussion, here are some thoughts. I know that there are a number of viewpoints, some have been recently discussed. This is just another perspective.

There seem to be two main theories about what "makes" a marriage in patriatchal circles: (At least that seemed to be the case back when this was first written, circa 2001):

(1) The act of intercourse
(2) The covenant of betrothal

Actually, there's a third, though perhaps I'm the only one spouting it so far. *grin*

I believe that God's way of creating a marriage involves a PROCESS much like the purchase of a house. (I'm NOT in any way defining women as chattel, but describing simply a process for conceptual clarity. A parable, or allegory or somesuch.)

In the purchase of an home there are three main steps.

First there is the offer to purchase, which I consider a parallel to a "proposal".

Once that offer is accepted and the terms described, a committment is in place. No-one else may rightfully purchase or occupy the dwelling. It is, for all practical purposes, "sold", though technically Real Estate agents put a sign up that says "sale pending". At this point Step 1 is completed.

The offer to purchase often has clauses which must be met before the sale can be finalized. In the case of a home that may entail certain repairs on the part of the owner, or approval of financing on the part of the purchaser. In the case of a betrothal, some cultures might require testimonial proof of physical virginity by a mid-wife, or that the fella have a home or a certain amount of money, or the couple might have decided to do the "closing" after graduation from college, or ...

Alternatively, it is possible that there are no delaying clauses, in which case they might go directly to the second step: The Closing.

In the purchase of property, there tends to be a ceremony called "closing", during which the legal paperwork is signed, money changes hands, and the sale is registered as having occured. In my view, this would be equivalent to the wedding ceremony.

In the real estate world, it can involve 2 people exchanging cash and a bill of sale. It can be hugely elaborate involving a gaggle of lawyers on each side. So, in marriage, it can be as simple as David taking Abigail to his tent, standing outside the door and, presumably, announcing that today he takes this woman as his wife. Or it can involve that big cathedral and the gaggle ... *grin*

Finally, in real estate, the property is occupied. Guess we can all figure out what is the parallel in marriage. The two become one flesh.

Now, here is where it starts to get interesting in theory: What if the proper order of events is ignored?

What if the property is summarily occupied without the offer and the closing? Or what if, between the acceptance and the closing, someone ELSE occupies the property?

As best as I can tell, THIS is what scripture is attempting to address.

Scripture specifies that it is talking about a situation where there is a virgin of marriageable age. In this comparison (agreeing again that it is not perfect, but works for purposes of parable), the property IS for sale.

The bride price is specified by scripture. It is the amount that must be paid if proper order is abused. So price is not the issue.

The issue is "who" and "under what conditions".

Simply put, if one moves in and takes possession without having purchased the property, one must go back and complete the other processes. One must make an offer and obtain its acceptance, and one must have a closing.

In another scenario, if an offer has been tendered and approved, and someone else summarily moves in, they have in fact engaged in serious wrong and are subject to severe punishment.

Worse, if the sale is complete, with the new owner having taken possession, and someone else comes along and begins using it while the owner is out working in the fields, we now have the complete definition of adultery.

What about Paul's talking about joining ourselves together with prostitutes? Once again, this paradigm shed's some light: In this case, one has made temporary use of the property with NO INTENT of completing the process. He has taken possession but without any intent of purchasing, maintaining, protecting, etc. The transaction has a built-in divorce. And while God has no particular complaint about the creation of relationships, specifying only that all steps must be completed, He has a SERIOUS problem with divorce.

Ok. There's my 2 cents for the day. *grin*
Cecil
 
Two cents? That looks more like two dollars. :D

Seriously, I think I'd need to have a Realtor's License to even begin to understand what you were saying!

Okay, NOW I'll really be serious ... ;) That was an interesting take on it. Thanks.
 
Cecil,

I like the way you think, (sometimes :D ). This clearly shows your teaching gift coming through again. It is quite good.

I have a question though. What does it mean if you invite me to come over to your house and stay in the guest room? :mrgreen:

Be blessed,

Ray
 
Very good illustration. It may be my personality but before I usually haggle before an actual offer to purchase is made. Do we get such and such appliances or are they gone when we purchase, what about this condition and that condition. I think thats courtship, even before any offer to purchase is made a lot needs to be found out and agreed upon.

Now we are getting to be very crass :) I doubt any of the women will appropriate what I'm adding to the illustration.
 
Tlaloc said:
I usually haggle before an actual offer to purchase is made. Do we get such and such appliances or are they gone when we purchase, what about this condition and that condition. I think thats courtship, even before any offer to purchase is made a lot needs to be found out and agreed upon.

Fair enough. Not a bad addition. And I disagree that it's crass. I think we're looking at some good parallels that spur deeper thought, which is the purpose of such anologies.

One more parallel: I understand that it is/was common for a written document outlining all those understandings to be executed. I think that the Jewish word is Ketubah, and it is similar to a prenup. That would seem to closely parallel the written offer in RE, which specifies those sort of conditions -- the Water Heater and Stove stay, the Washer and Dryer go....
 
A ketubah is similar to a prenup and a will. According to Scripture, the man's property and wealth does not go to the wife, but the man's sons - with the firstborn son getting a double portion. In turn, the firstborn son is supposed to provide for his mother and sisters until they marry. The ketubah guarantees the wife her bride price money from the firstfruits of his estate in the event he either divorces her or predeceases her.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ketubah
 
DrRay777 said:
What does it mean if you invite me to come over to your house and stay in the guest room?

Ok, at that point the analogy breaks down. We're most definitely NOT into swinging! Well, except from the chandeliers! :lol:
 
chewing my tongue to a bloody pulp :D
 
:lol: :lol: :lol:
 
Hello,

From my perspective, a marriage boils down to a man and woman making a covenant together, having witnesses to the covenant, and consumating the covenant. As far as I am aware this is the essential parts of every Biblical covenant. On the other hand, there are no Scriptures that encourage men and women to go to a priest, pastor or rabbi to perform any sort of ceremony - although this is very popular culturally.

Blessings
 
The usual requirement is that to let "everything" be confirmed in the mouths of two or three witnesses. God is consistent in Scripture is well; whether it is to "call heaven and earth" as witnesses against us, as in Deuteronomy 30, or to provide multiple witnesses via the prophets and for the Gospel, He honors that admonition.

Note that for a father to transfer his authority over his daughter to a husband necessarily involves three witnesses, whether or not any ceremony is held, and even a husband and wife are two witnesses.

Both of them know the Covenant is in place, and that they are to honor the words of their mouths. That is sufficient.
 
Hmmm.... what makes a marriage.... hmmm.....

Judges 21:20-23 said:
So they instructed the Benjamites, saying, "Go and hide in the vineyards and watch. When the girls of Shiloh come out to join in the dancing, then rush from the vineyards and each of you seize a wife from the girls of Shiloh and go to the land of Benjamin. When their fathers or brothers complain to us, we will say to them, 'Do us a kindness by helping them, because we did not get wives for them during the war, and you are innocent, since you did not give your daughters to them.' "

So that is what the Benjamites did. While the girls were dancing, each man caught one and carried her off to be his wife. Then they returned to their inheritance and rebuilt the towns and settled in them.

I've found girls very responsive to going this kind of route, rather than ceremony. It's unscripted, more surprising, exciting, and romantic... especially if a white horse is involved. ;)

Oh, and you can always talk it over with the parents ahead of time. That way no one gets shot, and authority is transfered instead of taken. :mrgreen:
 
Mark C said:
Both of them know the Covenant is in place, and that they are to honor the words of their mouths. That is sufficient.
I agree fully with this last part of your post. I don't see the explicit command in Scripture for two or more witnesses to a marriage covenant between a man and the wife he takes.
 
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