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What Now?

Patricia C

Patricia C

Seasoned Member
Real Person
Female
I have been watching "My 5 Wife's." Lastnight as I laid in bed... Alone, watching this huge family living a life I had dreamed of ... without all the wives. I realised that had I known about plural marriage when I was young, I could have had all my hearts desires.
I am now 46 and I can't have anymore children and alone. My heart breaks a little knowing I will never have the huge family with 12+ kids I have dreamed of. That the family get togethers will remain small.

Although I may get married again oneday the kids in the family will never have that bonding time with me. They will never knows the depths of my love or have characteristics they picked up from me. The family aspect, is such a huge aspect, to me. My husband would have my full attention but I never would have his and I could even possibly see 40+ years of marriage but could I ever really be a part of the "family." When everyone else is oogeling over their kids and grandkids where would I fit in? Would or could my sister/s accept me and my kids? For the first time in my life I pray reincarnation is possible because the hole in my heart is huge!

Sorry for the deep thoughts of a single woman questioning ..... Well everything. God help my heart!
 
If I marry again and have children, I intend that the woman I married before will be "auntie" or perhaps "grandma" in their lives. I wonder whether I and the son I had in '98 but didn't get to know might have a bonding experience in this as well. I was born in '66.

When young parents here or elsewhere exchange stories and talk of the joys and challenges in bearing and raising small ones, it's sometimes more than I can bear. Those harmonious threads I skip over as much or more than fractious ones.

All I can do is have hope to fulfill whatever purpose for which I've been put here and keep my eyes on that. The gifts I've been given have a place in the world, and yours do, too.
 
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A secret prayer of mine is that BF could become a family. Whether one is in a PM relationship or not, that those of us who don't have children or they have grown up and moved away, could become a part of something larger.

@mystic, I too have lost children to the chaos of the world and hope that one day they will be restored.
 
Dear @Patricia C ,

My inbox this morning included an email with this:
My heart needs this hope and comfort today — this faith-booster. Confidence that we can ask anything according to His will and He hears us is what powers our prayers. Matthew 7:7-8 reminds us, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened” (NIV).
Jesus leaves no room for doubt. The answer to our prayer … will come.
Period.
Ask … and it will. Seek … and it will. Knock … and it will. This is the faith-push that empowers us. When disappointment and discouragement deplete me, God’s directives restore me.
Dear Lord, thank You that whenever disappointment and discouragement deplete me, You will restore me. When life knocks me down, I will choose to draw closer to You still. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

And a very dear friend sent me this text last night: "Things you thought would never be possible for you will become possible because God is with us"

One of my favorites, especially when feeling lost: Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

God answers prayers in amazing ways, and not always in the way we expect or desire. But He loves us and hears our prayers. Give it to Him. You have so much love to share. Biological relationships do not necessarily guarantee a big happy family. And time is not the only factor that can build a strong bond of love. He has plans for you. I am praying for you.


https://www.proverbs31.org/read/devotions/subscribe



 
WaterSpirit said:
Dear @Patricia C ,

My inbox this morning included an email with this:
My heart needs this hope and comfort today — this faith-booster. Confidence that we can ask anything according to His will and He hears us is what powers our prayers. Matthew 7:7-8 reminds us, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened” (NIV).
Jesus leaves no room for doubt. The answer to our prayer … will come.
Period.
Ask … and it will. Seek … and it will. Knock … and it will. This is the faith-push that empowers us. When disappointment and discouragement deplete me, God’s directives restore me.
Dear Lord, thank You that whenever disappointment and discouragement deplete me, You will restore me. When life knocks me down, I will choose to draw closer to You still. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

And a very dear friend sent me this text last night: "Things you thought would never be possible for you will become possible because God is with us"

One of my favorites, especially when feeling lost: Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

God answers prayers in amazing ways, and not always in the way we expect or desire. But He loves us and hears our prayers. Give it to Him. You have so much love to share. Biological relationships do not necessarily guarantee a big happy family. And time is not the only factor that can build a strong bond of love. He has plans for you. I am praying for you.


https://www.proverbs31.org/read/devotions/subscribe


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Thank you dear, it is funny how we can know these things but the flesh is weak and some moments hit harder than others... For us women usually every 28-30 days is usual LOL not that this is my issue, at least not today hahahahaaaa! but in general lastnight was tough. The older I get the more I find myself reflecting on all those things that have passed me by, happened around me. The children I prayed for and lost. I am so grateful for the 2 biological daughters I have they are my heart. .... Always just so close but never quite obtaining the dream. I have many spiritual children and now a granddaughter. I have loved and continue to love but always knowing the truth that they don't belong to me and really in a moment they could stop calling, visiting. They are all kind enough to humor me. They love me in their own way and I gladly accept it I long for the "One" the one I can share all the joys, sorrows and mundane with. The one who will reason through thing with me. Lead me, guide me, hold my hand and be my forever. The one who will be by my side and provide that safety net.... Not squash my spirit but love and encourage me.
I am getting ready to start an amazing chapter in my life and I am doing it alone.... That's so tough to swallow. At the end of the day I won't have anyone there to talk about it with.

Thank you for taking the time to share with me and lend encouragement. Have a very blessed evening.
 
mystic said:
If I marry again and have children, I intend that the woman I married before will be "auntie" or perhaps "grandma" in their lives. I wonder whether I and the son I had in '98 but didn't get to know might have a bonding experience in this as well. I was born in '66.

When young parents here or elsewhere exchange stories and talk of the joys and challenges in bearing and raising small ones, it's sometimes more than I can bear. Those harmonious threads I skip over as much or more than fractious ones.

All I can do is have hope to fulfill whatever purpose for which I've been put here and keep my eyes on that. The gifts I've been given have a place in the world, and yours do, too.
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Thank you for sharing. It is nice to hear the heart of a man.
 
Patricia C said:
I have been watching "My 5 Wife's." Lastnight as I laid in bed... Alone, watching this huge family living a life I had dreamed of ... without all the wives. I realised that had I known about plural marriage when I was young, I could have had all my hearts desires.
I am now 46 and I can't have anymore children and alone. My heart breaks a little knowing I will never have the huge family with 12+ kids I have dreamed of. That the family get togethers will remain small.

Although I may get married again oneday the kids in the family will never have that bonding time with me. They will never knows the depths of my love or have characteristics they picked up from me. The family aspect, is such a huge aspect, to me. My husband would have my full attention but I never would have his and I could even possibly see 40+ years of marriage but could I ever really be a part of the "family." When everyone else is oogeling over their kids and grandkids where would I fit in? Would or could my sister/s accept me and my kids? For the first time in my life I pray reincarnation is possible because the hole in my heart is huge!

Sorry for the deep thoughts of a single woman questioning ..... Well everything. God help my heart!
Click to expand...
First, thank you for sharing. Second, don’t you ever give up! Study, meditate, and pray about the story of Abraham and Sarah. “Those things that are not as if they already are.” At 13, my first prayer to God was to have 10 Sons. I am now 58. I have 4 Sons. There is nothing impossible for God. I appreciate and feel your pain. There are many options for you. Just be sure it is His “option.” There’s adoption and others, but the greatest option is prayer. I am praying here for God’s help in bringing you the desire of your heart. You are never alone, even in these times of weakness, but perfect strength is found in perfect weakness. If God is in It, there is no limit. Shalom.
 
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Curtis Gerhart said:
First, thank you for sharing. Second, don’t you ever give up! Study, meditate, and pray about the story of Abraham and Sarah. “Those things that are not as if they already are.” At 13, my first prayer to God was to have 10 Sons. I am now 58. I have 4 Sons. There is nothing impossible for God. I appreciate and feel your pain. There are many options for you. Just be sure it is His “option.” There’s adoption and others, but the greatest option is prayer. I am praying here for God’s help in bringing you the desire of your heart. You are never alone, even in these times of weakness, but perfect strength is found in perfect weakness. If God is in It, there is no limit. Shalom.
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Thank you Curtis
 
While you can no longer have children there is a greater need that you can fill. We completely lack older women willing to teach the younger, and even fewer who can do so without error, and while sticking to the boundaries of Titus 2.

All over America today young women in their teens and 20s are making decisions that will ruin their lives, that they will only come to regret when it is too late to change it. You can give them the advice none other will give. You can tell your story of regret so that they don't someday share in it.

Also, don't under-appreciate the need for grandmas. I realize at 46 you may not want to hear that, but the day is fast approaching. Many children today have grandparents of the boomer generation; which are notorious for their self-focus and total disregard for their grandchildren as compared to previous generations. Furthermore 50% of all American's will have moved out of state by the time they have children. These kids have distant grandparents that will never be able to have a measurable day to day impact in their lives. There is a great unmet need for love here. Grandparents have an important role in children's live and it goes wanting more often than not.
 
FollowingHim2 said:
It's not too late.
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Sarah thank you, I didn't realize this was a link until Curtis said something. It was a great article. I am doing some great stuff this year I'm buying a house, opening a business, taking chances, making friends and living each day. I do pray for a big family but I also am not stuck there. I know that Yahwehs plans are better than anything I can imagine.
 
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