What's the why?

[Yiska]

I just have so much on my mind....okay as I said in my introduction I brought up the idea of PM for years and now he finally agrees. Well lastnight he was asking "why?" and I tried to explain the why but I couldn't put it into words. So my question is what is everyone's Why?

 

[julieb]

I think the "why" is as diverse as each family. I think the men would say, for the same reason I married my first wife. The desire to care for and spiritually cover more than one women is very instinctual for many men. (Like us ladies and our ability to desire and care for many children.) For the ladies though it gets a bit more complicated. I think God brings each of us women around to the "why" of Biblical marriage from different directions. Our life experiences, the lies we believe about ourselves, our understanding of Godly Patriarchy and the depth of secular marriage beliefs all swirl in our hearts and minds. But I think it really ends up coming down to the reasons we desire a husband. Why did YOU want to get married? Why did you pick your particular husband? What need did he fill in your heart? What made you admire him, respect him? I suspect that another woman might need the things he offers as a person, as a man, just like you. Along with some different parts that you might not need, but she will.

I would also throw this out there....what does the Lord have for your husband to do in life? Would it be to his benefit to have several wives support him in this task, this mission?

 

[WifeOfHisYouth]

I agree with @julieb.. Everyone has a different why. My why might not be your why and so forth.
My personal why is because I'm following my husbands lead. This isn't my first, second or tenth choice. It's taken me a long time to get to where I am today. It's a daily reminder to refocus my emotions to a place of trust and submission. His why is the only reason I am have my why. If it were based on my why, he wouldn't be leading us. It has to be led with his why, or my emotions lead and the ups and downs of poly would destroy us and whoever comes in our lives. I need his steadfast leadership to guide me through the tough times that poly can bring. I am choosing to submit to my husband, that is my why.

 

[FollowingHim2]

I have a hundred why's, many of them based on my own selfishness. I also have a hundred why not's, many of them based on my own selfishness .
The truth is there is only one why - because we are following YHWH. Who knows what He will do in the future? We go wherever YHWH leads, because that's who Samuel and I are following.

 

[Lili]

Your question raised a lot of questions for me because I don't know!

I guess my best answer is I fell in love, with my husband and with the idea of a poly family. A happy group of women who love and support each other, who have fun together, and who are each other's companion in every aspect of life.

 

[MeganC]

My "why" is rooted in a painful experience that left me seriously not wanting to be alone with a man. But then I wanted a family, right? So I saw the raid in Waco in spring 2008 and I was like, Wow! That's what I want!

I mean I didn't want to be FLDS but I did want to have other women in the house so I wasn't alone with a man. Poly was my answer.

Now I trust my husband but I also love my sw and their kids and would never trade this for a "normal" family because it would be way too lonely for me!

 

[lutherangirl]

My "why" is rooted in a painful experience that left me seriously not wanting to be alone with a man. But then I wanted a family, right? So I saw the raid in Waco in spring 2008 and I was like, Wow! That's what I want!

I mean I didn't want to be FLDS but I did want to have other women in the house so I wasn't alone with a man. Poly was my answer.

Now I trust my husband but I also love my sw and their kids and would never trade this for a "normal" family because it would be way too lonely for me!

Could you explain more about the raid making you want to have that lifestyle? Are you saying you want a "religious community"?

 

[MeganC]

Could you explain more about the raid making you want to have that lifestyle? Are you saying you want a "religious community"?

The news coverage of the raid introduced me to poly and then I started looking around to see if there were less cultish people doing it. I'll admit that I wasn't looking for a religious community and would have been happy being a 2nd wife with a nice secular couple. Most of the non-Christian types I came across were kind of weird. I met a couple from Oregon who seemed nice on the surface but there was something about them that just seemed dangerous to me and I dropped it.

Then I met my family, babysat for them a few times, and eventually moved in and married. The religion at first was just something I went along with and I think my journey into faith is more like someone easing themselves into a pool as opposed to diving in with a conversion experience. What I mean is that I see the evidence and blessings of faith around me and that's what's making me believe. I wish I could have the burning bush experience that some people have but anymore I think God saves the fireworks for those who need to have that kind of thing.

I hope that makes sense.

 

[kansascpl]

My "why", as with so many things in my life, essentially is because my husband said I'd enjoy it LOL
It's very hard for me to make new friends and my circle is really small. I had been watching Sister Wives a lot, and one day my husband just goes "would you want to do that?" well... yeah, actually. The idea of having that bond with another woman is incredible. Both my husband and I have always wanted a larger family, and for me, I always sort of knew it wouldn't just be my own biological children. Our oldest is actually my stepson, but who says it has to stop there? Family is simply a group of people who love each other and live together, as far as I'm concerned.
I think having a sister wife (or more!) would be a blessing to me, my husband, and our kids, which is my biggest "why" of them all

 

[windblown]

I agree with @julieb.. Everyone has a different why. My why might not be your why and so forth.
My personal why is because I'm following my husbands lead. This isn't my first, second or tenth choice. It's taken me a long time to get to where I am today. It's a daily reminder to refocus my emotions to a place of trust and submission. His why is the only reason I am have my why. If it were based on my why, he wouldn't be leading us. It has to be led with his why, or my emotions lead and the ups and downs of poly would destroy us and whoever comes in our lives. I need his steadfast leadership to guide me through the tough times that poly can bring. I am choosing to submit to my husband, that is my why.

Ditto.

 

[lutherangirl]

The news coverage of the raid introduced me to poly and then I started looking around to see if there were less cultish people doing it. I'll admit that I wasn't looking for a religious community and would have been happy being a 2nd wife with a nice secular couple. Most of the non-Christian types I came across were kind of weird. I met a couple from Oregon who seemed nice on the surface but there was something about them that just seemed dangerous to me and I dropped it.

Then I met my family, babysat for them a few times, and eventually moved in and married. The religion at first was just something I went along with and I think my journey into faith is more like someone easing themselves into a pool as opposed to diving in with a conversion experience. What I mean is that I see the evidence and blessings of faith around me and that's what's making me believe. I wish I could have the burning bush experience that some people have but anymore I think God saves the fireworks for those who need to have that kind of thing.

I hope that makes sense.

Thank you for clearing up those questions I had regarding your post. I'm glad that you found a family that wasn't "cultist". I sometimes worry that girls/women can easily get lured into cults/bad relationships/bad communities, because our hearts are so opened to wanting to be loved and seeing the good in people.

 

[cmj2231]

In my situation, SW was the one who initiated the idea with DH because she had almost died because of a health issue three years ago. She was worried about who would take care of the family because she knew that after she and DH being married so long he probably would not search for another wife on his own, she also really loved the idea of a built in best friend. They also always wanted to have a bigger family and she can no longer have children outside of the three they already have (one from a previous marriage of hers, and the two they have had together). The why for me as the second was trickier. For me, it was never a thought I had for myself and I would honestly watch shows like Sister Wives and think it was crazy and something I could never do, but after I met my family I fell in love with all of them and I felt like "home" for the first time in my life and I just couldn't look back from there.