When can a man marry?

[The Revolting Man]

Hey everyone,

This has been on my mind for a while now. When is it responsible for a man to look for a wife? Obviously it would be unloving to try and marry a woman when you are unready spiritually and that would ostensibly extend to financially too. But what is the standard? Just asking for some ideas, obviously I have some thoughts but would love to throw them out into the arena. So how should a man be set up in this world to bring a wife into his life?

 

[The Revolting Man]

I almost posted this in the men's section but thought it would be interesting to hear what the ladies thought a man should bring to the table. I'm not just looking at this from a poly standpoint, although I realize that is going to be the main focus here. I am 100% on board with the premise and core beliefs of Biblical Families, I'm just not sure that I will ever be in a plural marriage. I'm kind of looking for what any man; single, married or divorced should do to materially be considered a responsible suitor. Thank you Freebird for responding. I would love to hear why you and your husband think you are ready materially for this move. If anyone has a spiritual take I don't want to preclude hearing a word, but there are some practical things a man should have accomplished (for any marital state) and I wonder what they are.

 

[marry-ella]

There are so many things to consider but may I offer a pratical out look. Though we can trust on god to provide for us I think it is wise to have your "house" in order. A job and a vehical would be a requirement to take on a family. But you don't have to have every thing in order to promise but you must be more than willing to take the steps neccessary to make it work praticaly.

 

[BexyandBen]

If we use the Biblical example, after betrothal, a man would go out and build a house for a bride. He was not allowed "to go and catch his bride" until his father approved the completion of the house. This is the exact example given to us of Christ waiting for the Father to approve the construction of the mansions for his bride(s). Hence "But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.". (Matthew 24:36)

So, scripturally, a place to live makes sense as a basic requirement.

And a job is absolutely required: "For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat." 2 Thessalonians 3:10.

So:
1) Place to live
2) Work to earn food

I'd say those are the basics, Scripturally.

 

[laceylee]

Just wanted to chime in and say that I agree with what BexyandBen responded to the question. That is a very nice (and correct) answer.

 

[DaPastor]

If we use the Biblical example, after betrothal, a man would go out and build a house for a bride. He was not allowed "to go and catch his bride" until his father approved the completion of the house. This is the exact example given to us of Christ waiting for the Father to approve the construction of the mansions for his bride(s). Hence "But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.". (Matthew 24:36)
So, scripturally, a place to live makes sense as a basic requirement.
And a job is absolutely required: "For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat." 2 Thessalonians 3:10.
So:
1) Place to live
2) Work to earn food
I'd say those are the basics, Scripturally.

Hello,

I do not disagree that this would be great advice, and I am sure if we could mandate it we would. It would save so much trouble.

However, just so all are well informed, the word "Scriptural" can be used in a few ways. It can be used in the sense of a concept being contained in Scripture; or it can be used in the sense of a concept being taught in Scripture; or it can be used in the sense of the concept being mandated in Scripture, etc...

So, are there any Scriiptures that mandate that these things be done? No. Although this would be the best scenario, of course, it is no where commanded. Certainly, the Hebrew culture helps us to understand so very much about Scripture, but we just need to be careful not to apply culture like we apply the Bible. Blessings!

 

[BexyandBen]

So, are there any Scriiptures that mandate that these things be done? No. Although this would be the best scenario, of course, it is no where commanded.

I have to agree. There is no mandate. However, I see Scripture as not just teachings of what you must do, but also teachings of wise living practices.

Wise living practices are still "scriptural"--even if they carry no "mandate".

I think we're in agreement, we're just discussing the little details.

 

[The Revolting Man]

Hmm, I was kind of looking for some specific guidelines to set up some goals that will sort of indicate when I can start looking for a wife again. It doesn't sound like scripture really gives any though huh?

 

[nathan]

Scripture doesn't, but as other's pointed out, Wisdom might. Here's one thread from a while back that touched on this:
http://biblicalfamilies.org/forum2/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=398

I think that the overarching guideline would be "love" (as in loving your existing wife/wives throughout the process), and making sure you can meet all your commitments to them.

 

[DaPastor]

It should be clearly stated that the Scripture only gives us general guidelines for finding a wife. Remember, some will "in the Name of he Lord" give you their opinion as if it is the Word of God. Some may criticize a person on how they are pursuing another wife because they wouldn't personally do it that way. One can be confident, however, that as long as one is not violating any clear Scriptural guidelines, there is freedom to pursue a wife in a multitude of ways. You and I, for example, may not agree with Isaac marrying a "mail order bride"; or Jacob working for his future father-in-law to acquire his brides; or David marrying Abigail after meeting her only one time. God has not laid out any format. The best format is to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and His leading. If the Scripture does not specifically address an issue, then it is nothing more that the opinion of man - and each believer has the freedom to make those choices. For that matter, one may have some very specific plans and conditions concerning acquiring a wife, and God may undermine it all - He may have an entirely different plan.