Why stop at 2 wives, why not 3 or 4 or 5...?

Discussion in 'Gentlemen Only' started by PolyPride, Dec 21, 2009.

  1. FollowingHim

    FollowingHim Administrator Staff Member

    From what I have seen, everyone wants all under one roof, that's the picture they have in their mind. Some find however that it doesn't work for their family in practice, and that's perfectly ok also.
  2. Slumberfreeze

    Slumberfreeze Well-Known Member

    As if I could afford separate houses!

    But even if I was a high roller, I wouldn't want to separate my women. First off I don't want them to ignore each other's existence to the extent that they begin to imagine themselves the 'only real wife' and then be shaken up every time they are forced by circumstance to acknowledge that I have another wife every bit as wifey as them. That isn't my ideal.

    Second, I believe one of the primary reasons for having a wife is to have a helper. I don't especially want any corps of people who are supposed to be assisting me with my goals to be compartmentalized. I'm not a dang intelligence agency. I would want my helpers to be well practiced in helping each other help me, rather than duplicating efforts or (ugh) competing with my affection as the prize. I've had two women trying to win me over with baked goods before. I DON'T LIKE BAKED GOODS.

    Third - Sort of like the last one, I believe that a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. My vision of a strong poly marriage is sort of dependent on this principle. A separated family structure (I gedankenexpirement) would at all times leave at least one wife isolated and alone with her own thoughts, leaving her vulnerable in the midst of a culture that does not agree with or understand her lifestyle, to being asked pointed questions and told divisive lies, and only her husband to come rescue her or talk her through it, if he isn't too busy. Whereas in a unified family living arrangement, she is a 'full time' member of the family unit, even if hubby is on a date with the other wife. And hopefully her uh... co-wife? is looking out for her best interests and emotional state enough to defend and heal her also. Some clucky busybody might sniff and make a comment to a loner woman/mistress in a grocery store, but would she do so if Hubby and other wife were with her? And if she did would it matter? Nothing makes comments as ineffective as your crew having your back.

    Fourth- My ideal is that poly isn't the goal any more than marriage is a goal. Paul says marriage something you should do if you must, and do without if you have no need. The goal is how you are able to advance the kingdom while our hearts are still beating. I would feel like a colossal failure if the greater part of my wealth went to supporting multiple houses to accommodate my women unless there was a serious need to do so... Every family unit has it's own needs and peculiarities, but for myself I would not want to live like that.

    Fifth - My children should have access to me as much as possible. Even if it's "other wife's day" or whatever. My kids are my kids and they need me when they need me. There are always exceptions to the rule, but that's the rule.

    Sixth - Honestly, at what point does a man come home to be greeted by the sparkling eyes of his adoring fan club if he purposefully segregates them? Women are serious business and hard work. Give a homie some incentive!
  3. Verifyveritas76

    Verifyveritas76 Active Member

    I could be mistaken about this but here's my take on the subject. The idea of enlarging the tent indicates adding more waw's or 'tent stakes', to the existing cover, not an additional tent.
    It seems to me that it would be difficult if not impossible to thoroughly protect two separate dwellings simultaneously
    The question also arises, How do you fulfill your requirement to stand in the door of your tent? Which door do you stand in when the judge or adversary comes knocking?
    It's also interesting that in Isaiah 4:1, the only thing the women don't offer to provide for themselves is housing. I believe that is because the women expected cohabitation which was usually a stipulation of the ketubah.
  4. FollowingHim

    FollowingHim Administrator Staff Member

    I thoroughly agree with both of you that from a theoretical perspective, for all the reasons you have mentioned and more, one house sounds best. However as I said there are those who have found that from a practical perspective, for various reasons, two houses works better for their particular family. That doesn't mean they necessarily become divided into two separate families, if the houses are close by they can eat together at one for instance, both houses becoming "home" collectively. And there can be distinct advantages to this arrangement also, as then one home can be more freely used for hospitality. Many people in this ministry have benefited greatly from one particular family with this very arrangement, that I believe YHWH has deliberately caused them to end up in for this very purpose. We all have a picture of what is ideal and can argue for ever that that is correct - but we need to hold our dreams loosely enough to be willing to follow YHWH's leading even if it looks different to what we imagined. However well reasoned, our logic isn't necessarily His will.
  5. Mojo

    Mojo Well-Known Member

    A friend of a friend came from a polygynous family in Iran. His upbringing was a two story dwelling in which one wife had the top, the other the bottom.

    I think separation might be inevitable, or necessary at times. I think of the separation of women during their "unclean" times may have been God's practical way of separating wives temporarily, as much as it was for purification purposes. I'm sorry, but from my experiences, even the most loving of female friends can come to near blows during "that time".

    I don't have a second wife (still hoping) but I envision two dwellings on the same property, even if it's a converted garage, or separate-entrance back room where the SWs can go to a "neutral corner" if necessary.

    "better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman."
    ZecAustin and FollowingHim like this.
  6. ZecAustin

    ZecAustin Well-Known Member

    Two houses is a lot of work.
    Sonny Chancelor likes this.
  7. aineo

    aineo Well-Known Member

    I personally like the idea of a common living area with efficiency apartments as wings. In the common area would be a great room (or living room - whatever term you wish to use), a kitchen, a dining area, and a bathroom. The wings would be designed for each wife, including her bedroom, a small kitchenette, a bathroom, a small living room, and rooms for the children. In my own situation, I would prefer the husband to also have a bedroom and an office, where he could spend time in solitude for prayer,, study, or an important project for which he needs quiet. I think this gives the wives each a way to make their home individual while not compromising the cohesive family unit.

    From a monetary perspective, sure, it adds some expense with the kitchenettes and extra living areas, as well as the "master" bedroom and office, but if one could afford such a setup, it seems ideal to me.
    Verifyveritas76 and Mojo like this.
  8. Mojo

    Mojo Well-Known Member

    Nice! Maybe a flower design. The central (pistil/stamen) common area is for dining, fellowship, socializing, and entertainment. The off shooting wings (petals) would be for sleep, solitude, study, intimacy, privacy, etc. The wings could be disconnected, as long as the majority of time is spent in the "common" area for family development.
    aineo likes this.
  9. NetWatchR

    NetWatchR Well-Known Member

    Since the convo is going in that direction, there was a thread for possible house designs. I'll link it here when I find it so we don't hi-jack the thread (*cough* *cough*).

    EDIT: Added link.
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2017
  10. Mojo

    Mojo Well-Known Member

    Thank you.
    NetWatchR likes this.