Wife in spirit only...thoughts?

[starlit]

Hi ladies,

So i had another interesting conversation with a couple i was interacting with online. I had a pretty good flow of communication between myself and the first wife. We really seemed to get along well. But then she said something that didnt sit right with me...so i want to hear some feedback. I didnt post this in the main forum in case it wasn't appropriate.

The wife disclosed to me that the husband would probably never have "relations" with me if our friendship turned into something more down the road. They had been in another plural type relationship before and it crashed and burned. She blamed everything on the second wife not wanting to heed the husbands dominion or rule over the household. But she tells me that i am only to be a wife in name and spirit only...just like the previous woman that he was "married" to. What do you make of that? She told me i would never have children because of this. To me the physical relationship is part of a marriage, i just couldnt comprehend being married to a man that would never be affectionate to me.

Thoughts?

 

[Joleneakamama]

Sounds like someone there has insecurities, and unreasonable expectations.

The bible instructs spouses not to defraud one another, without consent....for a time.

King David's wives that he put away lived in what was called (if I remember right) widdow hood for the rest of their lives.

A marriage that is never consummated does not require a divorce...it is annulled....voided basically because it never was.

And then there is the golden rule. Maybe you should see if the first wife would like to be a wife in spirit only

If he does not want, and is not prepared to have a wife, who is a wife in every way (but legally) then they should just hire the help they want, or make friends.

 

[starlit]

Thanks Jo, your always level headed

The wife also told me that she was so happy to find me so she could have someone to talk to and do stuff with. It sounded more like a live in best friend situation. I suppose that would work for someone who has no where to live. But that is not my situation.

I just had never heard of being married in name and spirit only. I did ask her btw if she would have married her husband with those same stipulations....i never heard back. I wonder if mainly that was HER IDEA, not his. But thats my opinion.

 

[julieb]

I think some monogamy mindset is bleeding over into their polygyny minset.

I think a polite, "No thank you, I'm looking for Biblical marriage." is called for.