Wives from non-plural backgrounds

[AngloMan]

This is my very first post on the forum so I will ask my question and then introduce myself...

What experiences has anyone had bringing women from non-plural marriage backgrounds into Polygyny?... Especially women who are not strongly religious, perhaps agnostic or even atheist?

I am a single, British man, early 30s, I am popular with women and I love female company. It makes me so sad that many of the young women I meet seem to be desperate for male leadership and are starved of it. Society no longer creates men, just eternally adolescent males unable to give these women what they need. I feel compelled to help and guide them. I have two competing internal drives... Hypergamy (be patient, dont let my relationship with an imperfect woman lock me down, another one better for me will come along)... And polygyny, to step up and take on the responsibility usually born by multiple men.

The latter seems the moral choice but there is no culture of Polygyny in my country so it could only be done by convincing women who have never previously considered anything other than monogamy. Moreover, my country is barely even Christian at this point. The church of England seems to function as just one more state institution of modern, liberal decay. Its services are almost unattended and those to do attend are mostly old.

I'm here to humbly learn from the experience of others and see if I can form a path for myself with Polygyny.

THANKS!

 

[Mojo]

@AngloMan, I am pressed for time right now, but my first recommendation would be to peruse the entire BF site if you have not already. Then, go back and read threads that discuss many subjects, and even touch on some of your questions. Get a feel for who we are and what this ministry is all about. There are many folks on here who will be happy to engage you, but you will also gain a lot of information from those who may not post on here any longer, but whose words and advise are still documented on the threads.

Cheerio!

 

[andrew]

@AngloMan, one or two folks here have either a Mormon background (so at least poly aware if not super pro-poly) or a secular upbringing that would have been open to ‘whatever goes’ between consenting adults, but most of us by a wide margin come from “non-plural marriage backgrounds” and a sort of culturally-embedded Christianity that may not be quite as decadent as the Anglican variety but imo is not all that far behind it. So we may be more similarly situated than ya think.

The only thing being ‘religious’ would affect would be that a woman who claims to be a Christ-follower ought to have some kind of appreciation for what the bible actually says about marriage, which isn’t really that hard to figure out once you realize there’s an issue there. The Catch-22 is that guys who try to force the issue (some version of ‘submit or burn’, aka ‘you will follow me because you must follow me’) don’t do so well with this as a matter of statistical fact. Religious or not, the issue will be whether your women love you and trust you enough to walk through the fire with you, so that’s what you need to work on.

Mojo gives good advice (as usual): The forum has a ton of information on it already and will reward any attention you want to give it. Be advised, though, that not all of what’s there ‘represents the opinions of the management’, so to speak, and some of it is really solid and some of it is rather like panning for gold—you have to slog through a lot of mud to get to that one small flake of useful information. So feel free to browse at will, but also feel free to keep this and any other threads you want to start or comment on going in real time. Both have their place.

And welcome aboard!

 

[Mojo]

Yes, good warning @andrew. Not all thread posts would bear the seal of approval of many of us, nor the administrators. Be on guard.

 

[The Revolting Man]

All of the church is so misguided on this issue that it's almost an advantage coming from a secular background. There are less bad habits to unlearn.

 

[Asforme&myhouse]

All of the church is so misguided on this issue that it's almost an advantage coming from a secular background. There are less bad habits to unlearn.

You have a point there, unfortunately

 

[cnystrom]

This is my very first post on the forum so I will ask my question and then introduce myself...

First of all welcome!

What experiences has anyone had bringing women from non-plural marriage backgrounds into Polygyny?

Like others have mentioned. Pretty much everyone here who has more than one wife, or even a wife who supports it has some experience since we are Christians and not Mormons.

... Especially women who are not strongly religious, perhaps agnostic or even atheist?

Less so here, because Biblical Families is a Christian ministry. In fact I think everyone here would agree that her eternal salvation is much more important than her becoming a wife. So step #1 for most of us would be to share the gospel with her.

I may even venture further to suggest that if she was not willing to accept the gospel or follow Christ she would not be a suitable wife for any of us.

I am a single, British man, early 30s, I am popular with women and I love female company. It makes me so sad that many of the young women I meet seem to be desperate for male leadership and are starved of it. Society no longer creates men, just eternally adolescent males unable to give these women what they need. I feel compelled to help and guide them. I have two competing internal drives... Hypergamy (be patient, dont let my relationship with an imperfect woman lock me down, another one better for me will come along)... And polygyny, to step up and take on the responsibility usually born by multiple men.

Exactly. One of the great failures of the monogamist only view is hypergamy in both men and women (with divorce).

The latter seems the moral choice

I think everyone would agree with you that polygyny is the moral choice that honors God. Which is why we are here.

...but there is no culture of Polygyny in my country so it could only be done by convincing women who have never previously considered anything other than monogamy.

True. But like you said you are "popular with the women" and you only need to convince two and then your family becomes a shining light to all of the lost families that lack direction.

Moreover, my country is barely even Christian at this point. The church of England seems to function as just one more state institution of modern, liberal decay. Its services are almost unattended and those to do attend are mostly old.

Forget the past. Be part of the revival! We are not bringing back traditional marriage but rather creating something new and exciting: Biblical Families (which is, of course, very very old) !

One thing that we have noticed is that there is much more to being a Biblical family than simply having more than one wife.

FYI: I have run across non-Muslim families and women in the UK that are interested in polygamy. I have a single female friend in the UK that even runs some polygamy groups in Facebook.

I'm here to humbly learn from the experience of others and see if I can form a path for myself with Polygyny.

THANKS!

An excellent start sir. And welcome!

 

[rockfox]

The only thing being ‘religious’ would affect would be that a woman who claims to be a Christ-follower ought to have some kind of appreciation for what the bible actually says about marriage, which isn’t really that hard to figure out once you realize there’s an issue there. The Catch-22 is that guys who try to force the issue (some version of ‘submit or burn’, aka ‘you will follow me because you must follow me’) don’t do so well with this as a matter of statistical fact. Religious or not, the issue will be whether your women love you and trust you enough to walk through the fire with you, so that’s what you need to work on.

If you are the leader of your women they will follow your lead on everything: childraising, polygamy, religion, etc. It is quite common for a woman to convert to the faith of her man, and be convinced it was her own idea independent of him. This is why Paul commanded widows to only marriage in the Lord, but never gave a similar instruction to men.

The common conceit of women is that they can change their men but it doesn't work that way and if it does, they're often miserable. Hence Paul's advice. But that doesn't mean you should marry a woman hoping to change her either. Rather, you should lead a woman and evidence of her following your lead will be apparent in all things and a sign that she is worth marrying.