If nothing else it provides a tool that can be used to quickly resolve issues without arguing/fighting. And honestly it puts more on the man. If I am going to spank her over something what kind of hypocrite am I if I can't manage the things I need to take care of. I know from the outside looking in its hard to see but it honestly makes the man perform at a higher standard.
^^This.
There are a lot of benefits that are hard to see when you are on the outside looking in. Much like polygamy I guess. There are a lot of benefits you would never think about until you are doing it and you see them.
Really good point.
@Phillip and
@rockfox, I think we all see where you guys are coming from, and I think you each understand enough about each other's position to move forward without rehashing anything.
Fundamentally, this thread is for
@Cool Wifey Jones and
@Soldier's Psalm to share their experiences as they explore some new territory in their relationship, and they have the next-to-last word (mods and admins rule) on how widely this thread ranges.* The topic is controversial but relevant, and we need to be able to discuss the pros and cons in general terms to a certain extent, but at the same time we need to remember periodically to
listen to what CWJ and SP are telling us about how it's going, because that's where the real value is here.
We all agree, or should agree, that actual
abuse is not okay, even when the woman is Stockholmed into not recognizing that there's a real problem. We all agree, or should agree, that in the 21st century west, women
generally are (and are encouraged to be) unruly and self-absorbed (while men are lazy and self-absorbed), and so legitimate questions are presented about how best to facilitate the men's taking responsibility and the women's following a husband's leadership, and for some people DD presents as a possible solution for breaking old habits.
For purposes of this thread, we have to look at this as "behavior among consenting adults" and leave it there, and I for one would like to hear more about SP's and CWJ's thought process in the run-up to this, whose idea it was, how the other spouse got their head around it, that kind of stuff (very similar, as SP brought to our attention) to the weirdness (and counter-cultural-ness) of considering polygamy itself).
Biblical Families does not advocate anyone's violating the law in their jurisdiction, and given the state of the State laws regarding domestic assault I personally recommend that anyone contemplating adding adult discipline to their relationship toolkit specifically research applicable law first. (This is not legal counsel; go hire an attorney for that. Just giving some free friendly advice to try to help people stay out of trouble.)
Because of the relatively loose standards around accusations of assault with family violence, DD raises issues of
trust to a whole new level (I suppose similar to what I hear about the BDSM community...). No man in his right mind is going to consider "disciplining" a woman he does not trust implicitly. In that sense, it becomes easier to see why CWJ, SP, and Zec have testified positively about the results (with minimal, or short-term, or no actual physical discipline, just the agreement that there is a line): When you have a woman who trusts her husband enough to allow him to physically discipline her, and a man who trusts his wife enough to take the risk that she'll change her mind after the fact, you have a couple that is actually working through some power-dynamic issues together, not just exploring a kink or opening the door for actual abuse.
I don't physically discipline the women in my house and I have never counseled anybody to try it or look into it. (I don't consider that moral high ground, just a statement of fact to disclose where
I'm coming from.) But I recognize the rights of consenting adults to organize their relationships as they see fit, and I am always interested in positive reports of couples solving problems in their relationships. As we are discussing on another thread, we're not trying to form another "we're right and everybody else is wrong" club here based on conformity to a prescribed creed or code of conduct. We're looking for men who have the
cojones to buck the culture and stand up for what they believe, and follow God wherever He leads.
In that context, we have to cut each other some slack to figure things out on our own. Nothing cookie-cutter about what we're doing here....
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* A bit more accurate on who has the 'last word' - The more conservative position of the OP or the mods is the cutoff. To my knowledge the mods have never insisted that a conversation be allowed to get farther off topic than the OP is comfortable with.
It's a very personal decision we're talking about here....
