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A Dawn of a New Type of Believer Who Promotes Hope

Dr. K.R. Allen

Member
Real Person
I posted this in another thread but thought that it might be of use in its own thread. Fairlight made a comment about how some have received bad experiences from church life. That is true. But a new day is on the way. A new set of believers is on the way that sees this not as an obstacle but as an opportunity for the gospel to spread and missions to go to a new height.

by Dr. K.R. Allen » Thu Jan 06, 2011 9:29 am

Fairlight wrote:
I realize that not every believer has had a positive church experience...but I just want to say that I really appreciate my church. It's not perfect (I've never been to one that was) but there is a very real sense of love and caring to be found there. I've been to other churches through the years and they've all taught me a great deal. I honestly wouldn't be where I am today without them. I consider their influence upon my Spiritual walk to be irreplaceable. I am also being courted by a senior pastor and I have been so impressed with the level of concern and compassion that I've seen him extend to his congregation. IMHO, we need to be praying for and supporting the men whom the Lord has called to shepherd His flock....just my opinion Blessings,
Fairlight

There is a common theme of people who are hurt by pastors and churches among this community. It is one reason why so many start off with a skpetical and critical spirit towards those in leadership or towards those with academic training or even those who are, or have been, pastors. Since their hearts are injured they speak from that wound that has yet to be healed by grace and forgiveness.

It is a real struggle for those who have come to see this view of Scripture and then have been mistreated, thrown out, or rejected. Sometimes though some have been kicked out because of their attitude and lack of patience with leaders who were still needing to learn as well. Patience is a two way street. At other times even when those with the right understanding were patient they were still rudely and unloving treated.

Yet, there is a day developing where a new breed and men and women are arising who are going to love their enemies, respect all people even the ones whom they disagree with, and who will avoid allowing bittnerness to control them so they can still fulfill the Great Commission, which is the highest calling we each share no matter from what background or religious tradition.

There are believers now developing who see this issue not as an obstacle but as an opportunity for the gospel to shine bright in a new day where many need a new, fresh, and powerful dose of the gospel from a new movement that truly understands love, grace, and the idea of family. About 78 million to be exact are in this category now. They are called the Millennial Generation and they are ripe for a message of love from the lips of a hopeful person not a critical and complaining person.

Normally the first generation or so of a new movement experiences anger, frustration, and they lash out and go on the attack. Sometimes it is ugly, and yes sometimes it is disrespectful. Yet at times some get it right and the effort is holy and balanced. It varies.

But then after about a generation or so this the people, and the children of that generation, begin to see that there needs to be organization for power to be maximized and properly channeled for postive results. These people then begin to see again the value, the need, and the blessing of forming local churches or missionary organizations to help go forth to build disciples for the Great Commission.

Like with all things it is a pendulum swing.

I'll share a couple of verses here that apply:

"Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many are defiled" (Heb. 12:14-15)

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. . . . If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by doing so you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Rom. 12:14,18-21).

"Do all things without grumbling or questioning [a skeptical/hypercritical spirit attitude], that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world" (Phil. 2:14-15).

One of the reasons some do not shine as lights in the midst of the areas and churches where the theology is in error is because instead of showing grace, gentleness, and patience those who have the truth show anger, bitterness, and disrespect. We sometimes who have the truth are our worst enemies. We sometimes destroy ourselves and our message by the way we conduct ourselves with the truth.

If you are without a church home I suggest instead of complaining about your local churches and leaders that you begin to do things to bless them. Invite the local pastors over to dinner and do not discuss polygyny but just pray for them and with them for the stress they are under. After and in time when you have built a relationship with the person the discussion will come naturally as you fellowship in the Lord. Do you know how many pastors have no true friend? They hear complaints, arguments, gossip, and ugly words towards them every day for years upon years. This damages their spirits too and they are wounded and in need of true friends in the Lord.

If you hunt call one up and go hunting with him. If you fish take one along with you to fish and build a friendship. If they have a hobby you know about get involved with them in it. For them to listen you must first be a friend to them. Sure, he may try and evangelize you. Take it in stride and talk about the faith you have in Christ. When he asks why you don't attend his church, and he will because if he sees you as a friend he wants more friends there since he already has so many who complain, grumble, and gripe already, share with him that you just have not yet found the right place because of some doctrines you hold to but that those can be discussed later. Keep building the friendship though and praying for him and with him for him to be used of God. In time God will open the door to discuss the doctrine of love and marriage. And guess what, by that time he will think you are one of the most mature people he has ever met and then the discussion will have more weight in his heart because he respects you because you have shown him love and respect for a period of time. He sees, feels, and knows you are not mean, crazy, Mormon, etc etc.

If someone loves them, truly loves them, and cares for their soul and ministers to them it can be a fresh wind of air to them and it might even open their eyes to discuss and hear what the Bible has to say on other matters.

I have relationships with numerous pastors. Some who understand this, some who do not, and some who oppose it and yet i've been able to retain a respect, friendship, and cordial relationship with them even if I am not a part of their particular fellowship. I can and do go in and out visiting and attending and so far my friendships with them have remained solid even though we may not agree on this or even on other issues. I say that not to toot my horn. That is not the point. The point is these brothers are humans and they desire friendship and they, just like us, crave to be loved and respected.

We can get farther and do more by blessing them instead of cursing them. If we agree with 10 or 20 or 30 things they have right then we need to encourage them in those areas. When we are in the community we need to praise them in front of others for what they do have right and for what they are doing right. In time if we do that and fulfill on our end the effort to make an attempt at living at peace with all people then God will bless the effort and he will open up a door for us to discuss other topics with them.

And, too, we don't have all things right in our theology either. As we do this we might hear something from them that we still need to hear as well and it might be something God is using them to teach us as we might have some error in us that they see and want to share with us.

The simple goal of love is truly not so simple because it requires humility and hard work on our end. It makes us put our pride down.

The doctrine of Polygyny is not and can never be the most essential aspect of who we are or we will never make progress. The gospel, which is fundamentally about loving our Lord and neighbor, must be our theme and as this subject arises then it can be discussed.

God is slowly raising up a set of believers who will do more work with the gospel, and who also believe this doctrine, but who are going to major on the gospel and allow God to by his own hand bring this up as the work of the gospel is being done. These believers are respectful of authority, even those in error, and they are seeking to build relationships and peace building bridges with those in error, like Christ did by coming to earth for us, and these believers are shining as they touch the lives of pastors and even church members and the lost who are hurting and need a touch of the love from the Holy Spirit. And in that process these believers are making inroads into the lives of others which leads them to desire to listen to this doctrine of love in a biblical union.

The means to victory is not through complaining, but through community.

The means to progress is not through anarchy but through agape action.

The means to gaining respect as a movement is not through denunciation of leaders and churches but through dialog and deliberation with them so they know you are for the cause of the gospel first and foremost.

In following that path success will come, not overnight but in due time. As the Bible says, there is "always faith, hope, and the greatest of these is love." It also says, do not grow weary of doing good for in due time you will reap the reward (Gal. 6:9). Let us then live in that spirit of hope as we inspire others to hope for a better day. And let us walk in step of true faith and love so we will contribute positively to that day.

The world has enough people who grumble, complain, and are disrespectful as it is. Let us be different, let us be the true lights that shine grace in the darkness!
Dr. Allen
 
Amen Dr. Allen!!!!!

I truly appreciate the fact that everything is based on first and foremost our commitment to God and others. Polygamy is not the sole foundation of who we are;it is but one aspect that makes up the whole individual.

Liz
Second Wife to Rich
Sister Wife to Weslee
Mama Liz to Monique and Cameron
 
There are a few "Christian" ladies who treat me like a contagious disease (they are terrified that I may polygynize their hubbies) whose names I may just scrape off the front of my bumper... as much as they deserve to be run over, I am going to be really nice to them! Didn't know that I could heap coals on their heads by loving them! I am going to love them to pieces! :lol:

Right on Dr. Allen. Nice article and great point! Thank you... :D
 
Oh I am sure some of you remember me and my nasty church experance, the floods of just forgive them over welemed my ears untill I've come completely convinced there is no accountability in Community. It's such a weighty game. Seeing as how my married pastor was the only man to touch me in three years. A choose I made since I've got No problem in that area, keeping them off is a bigger challange. The man drove me insain! As if I hadn't been tramitized enough.

I am still answering to it today, people want to know why I don't go to church.
here's a recent letter

I'm a total bible geek. I love to study learn new things and mill over doctrine. But of course one doesn't need to do that. I just think it's fun. I can't stress enough salvation threw grace. We can see that Jesus attending a few dinner parties. I think life was made to be fun! And if learning a new greek or hebrew word bores you than don't!

I have had a great conversion experience (which included flipping some of my world views on there head and following first in faith before understanding on more than one occasion) But I have had a horrific church experience. This is why I have a low activity level. When I did attend. I tithed, and then gave more than 10% of my below poverty income and have been, blessed rather than hardship. I helped out practical any time I could. Lay my life down and went to great lengths to volunteer EVERY time. I was not supported, loved or treated like a sister. Instead I was lied about to, named called, hypocritically convicted, bullyed (out of vehicle, into homelessness and isolation ext) emotional and sexually abused. This is my current excuse for forsaking the company of fellowship. I am not a legalistic. I am a mercist. Joseph was called a righteous man when he was going to divorce mary quietly instead of doing as the law asked. David was consider to be acting righteously when he fed the hungry people with the food in the temple, which was against the law. So you see I believe the heart of god is mercy rather than law.

another
The window got closed, I'm not sure what happened. I wanted to say that a church like the church of acts is vital. I think that unless it causes you great hardship like me to attend it is asked of you not only in love, so you can be supported but also in service, so you can support. I enjoyed much of my in house church experience, but the abuse left me with anxiety that at first presented it's self as agoraphobia and out bursts. Now it's just anxious at church, a little shy and no out burst. It's a lot of hard work. I think that your faith filled friendships are god sent and blessed.

This is my narritive essay for school. Because I had a great deal of notes and a back bone to start with. This hadn't been my plan when writing the original notes. I should have called someone but I was to anxiouse to pick up the phone around this time in my life. I now read the notes and can see that they are nearly unreadable. Most writen while shacking violenltly, stomach turning and head pounding. Just firing them off and getting them out of my sight as quick as possible. I see a beginings of a book and think that though my life story is something eles I may just write a short novel about my Vineyard Church experance.

New years 2009 just sucked. True there was a chance to witness and as a good christian perhaps I should have jumped for joy at the chance, however I must confess it stunk up my night. New Years 2009 my pastor was supposed to meet me with my van. I guess that's where the story really begins, with the van.

The van was "a gift of mercy" Paul said. It was going to be free. I was so excited, having been a single mother for a year, living on welfare, at home full time with a two year old and my twin four year olds; walking every where in a mountain community. The kind of community were you really do have to walk up hill both ways. I had a triple stroller that I used to carry my groceries and kids ( 30-130 lbs), but the twins did walk a great deal. A gift of a van sounded like mercy indeed. I couldn't afford it, but it would improve my quality of life a great deal. So when we left Aldegrove to return to Nelson with a short excersion to Kelowna I was thrilled. I not having a drivers licensce left with the Pastor's Wife. He and his children where going to drive the van back to Nelson, so I left more than enough money for insurance and gas. Unfortunately it broke down on the way. But luckily the tow truck arrived with in 30 minuets and towed it to Westband, a small community just outside of Kelowna. While it was being serviced Paul the generous giver further helped out by footing the $1,200 repair fee! But it was not going to be fixed in time to return home to my kids and the Pastors' work. Thankfuly my Dad could handle the rest.

So I am feeling rather loved all these people working together to improve the quality of my life. Having grown up in Kelowna my parents still lived there. My Dad offered to pick up the vehicle and drive down with my step mom. He was going to fill 'er up and drop 'er off. I thought lucky me. But the third pastor / principle of the Christian school had other plans.

The Christian school was going on a camping trip and the driver was backing out. The school needed a vehicle. Turns out the principle and I grew up in the same city, Kelowna, and her parents still lived there too. What a coincidence. Her Dad could pick up the van and drive the kids, then return it to my house. In the same spirit of team work and generosity I thought this is a great idea. "I don't even have my learners license yet." I thought "If some one else can be blessed great!" Turns out my learners license is all I will get.

I get my learners license right away, May 9th, 2008. The Pastor agrees to teach me to drive. We start lessons right away. I'm a little jittery but I think things are going well, but I guess not because the principle tells me not to ask him for any more lessons. I asked her if she would teach me instead and she agrees. That fell threw too, and then my dad payed for lessons, that my ex-husband prevented me from attending. But that's a story for another time. One of classes and gender unequality.

Back to New Years 2009, the day leading up, December 31, 2008 my Pastor was supposed to meet me with my van, that he is now borrowing! Because he sold his own, and later in the coming year I will be left stranded with out it hundereds of miles away and him pressing to get it off his drive way for his amazing brand new vehicle purchased after the pastoral couples trip to Mexico. Anyways I am waiting at my house to run some of my belongings over to a former church members place, because I was in the process of moving, and needed a place to store them. Because I still had my learners, he was going to drive me. We had scheduled to take some furniture that she was going to store and I was going to pay her a small amount to sand them. He couldn't come the first scheduled time because his daughter had an accident, so he had to take her in for minor surgery. The next available date was the day leading to new years. Earlier that week I had asked if I could pay his eleven year old old son a small amount of money to shovel my driveway. He said for sure he would have him do that. I waited three days, each day I asked, and each day he said just wait. On this New Years day his son was going to come and shovel and the pastor was going to run this stuff in my van. My van that I paid the insurance on; almost $500 and new winter tires $700 which he had put on before borrowing it. Interestingly enough he took the executive decision to through out the all sessions tires that had previously been on the van. So I expect him to be honest and show up. Not having a full license and living far from the closest bus stop I thought I would go shopping and the pastor could pick me up at the mall on his way to my house. I called the Pastors wife and she said "Don't count on him. I have him doing house work at the principle's and then we are going to have a hot tub thing." I went shopping and called his cell because I had to get groceries that day I only got one day off and I need to feed the boys when they get home. I get a cab, because I am snowed in the cap can only make it to the end of the driveway. Just when you think you've been really burned it get worse. Turns out he gave my phone number out with out asking.

And so it happens I spent the night spreading the gospel to a seriously messed up woman who knows my old friend who has stabbed many people so not the sort I want in my life. She actualy told me how upset she was with the woman who I didn't get to drop stuff off for, because she flipped because on her for not tell a man that she had herpies and he got them and now so does this woman. Not the quiet peaceful night of rest I was counting on. The previouse year 2008 I spent New Years in the pastoral couples hot tub with the principle. But this year I had no invites and planed for a quiet evening at home, However the next mornig, New Years day Jan 1st 2009 my wonderful boys return home. All three bouncing energetic, needy kids. That's a blessing to be counted for sure. Now because I don't have a shovel and I had trusted the pastors son to do the job for me the drive way is barried in snow. My land lord shows up, gives me a shovel and says, "get to it." Now it's been three days of waiting on the pastor who assured me it would get done, and a very heavy snow fall; I shoveled compact snow past my knees, from morning till dark. Did I mention I was an out of work single mom with three small kids stranded in the snow and I trusted him and not only didn't he not show up but all three pastors collectively baled with my van, and they had a hot tub thing right after. Of course as the trend goes NO apologies.

Yes, indeed New Years 2009 sucked. So my New Years resolution in 2011 is to be more careful, less naive and above all things not be a victim of bulling any more.
 
I read verses such as these

"Do all things without grumbling or questioning [a skeptical/hypercritical spirit attitude], that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world" (Phil. 2:14-15).

and feel imediatly convicted and it's sick. I'm like an anerexic looking in the mirror thinking I'm fat because there is still a human in the mirror. I use to show up after just the most horid things and hug and laugh and just so geniunly love.
 
Marry-ella, my heart cringes after reading your story. I am truly sorry you had to deal with such untrustworthy people, and no less from your church's leaders. I do hope your situation is better a year later and not worse. I just wanted to say that I believe we can love those who have hurt us and still let them know respectfully that they have done so. There is nothing wrong with telling someone that you are hurt and disappointed in the way they have treated you. It cannot be said in anger if you really want them to listen but it can be said loveingly and respectfully. I only say this because I too have gone back and acted like things were "okay" after being deeply hurt by those in church...because thats what good little Christian girls do! No one likes confrontation, well most people don't, but by allowing our friends and those in leadership over us to "get away" with bad decisions does them a diservice in my opinion. Even if it is a simple statement like, "I am really disappointed in the way you treated me. I have lost trust in you and that makes me very sad." You can speak to them or even write a letter to them and then leave the conviction in God's hands.

Loving the people God puts in our lives is easy sometimes and difficult sometimes. I fully agree with what Dr. Allen is saying about loving others but I also believe that there is a place for respectfully correcting someone who is being hurtful or distrustful. I do also know that some "battles" are not worth the time and that you must choose wisely which ones you fight. The church is iron sharpening iron is it not? Hopefully some "sharpening" will bring some maturity in both persons lives. Just my thoughts...

With hope for the future,
Julieb
 
"I am really disappointed in the way you treated me. I have lost trust in you and that makes me very sad." You can speak to them or even write a letter to them and then leave the conviction in God's hands."

Absolutely!

Remember that there is always a difference between trust and forgiveness.

When someone hurts us we are to let it be known (Matt. 18:15 & following), try and seek reconciliation if possible,and this is to be done in a respectful way of course, and yet we are to also forgive them in Christ.

Yet when we experience an ongoing pattern of poor leadership we are right not to trust them. Trust is earned over time.

Dr. Allen
 
I was reading your response and wanted to honor the truth in it.

I did talk, privatly, nicely, over and over and over. Ignored every time. (except the princible I once gave her more of a peice of my mind then she ever needed to hear) I was already a year in deep 2009. I did end up more than angry, over flowing the way children do when they've been abused, acting out in almost a criptive kind of way. It's a very sad story. Makes me feel week. But today I was reading about a woman that's village got bombed. Later on her travels to a refuge camp there was some bombing and she simply lay down and refused to get up, she actualy died this way. It's nice when you can rise upove the make up of a frail phscy, but it's true there is a normal reaction to on going abuse that might not always appear sain. And that's okay, yes thing are better thank you, worlds better. I moved, so I don't have to run into these people. I have had no trouble loving them.

Again, I want to just say I liked your response. I think it could be usuful to many men and women in their church experances or life experances for that matter.

There is nothing wrong with telling someone that you are hurt and disappointed in the way they have treated you. It cannot be said in anger if you really want them to listen but it can be said loveingly and respectfully. I only say this because I too have gone back and acted like things were "okay" after being deeply hurt by those in church...because thats what good little Christian girls do! No one likes confrontation, well most people don't, but by allowing our friends and those in leadership over us to "get away" with bad decisions does them a diservice in my opinion. Even if it is a simple statement like, "I am really disappointed in the way you treated me. I have lost trust in you and that makes me very sad." You can speak to them or even write a letter to them and then leave the conviction in God's hands.
 
Marry-ella, I am so glad to hear you have made some good decisions for yourself. You seem to have a tender heart even admits the "bombings" in life. I take my hat off to you! I pray that the Lord will bless you greatly this year.

With hope for the future,
Julieb
 
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