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A Wife is a wife is a wife?

sicouple

sicouple

New Member
After reading through many threads here, I can't help but notice some seem to see taking a "2nd" wife as different then taking the "1st". I mean there is talk of why one should take a 2nd, good reasons, bad reasons and so on. Even some talk about how a 2nd wife should be treated in certain situations. It all seems a bit weird to me. I mean to me the relationship is exactly the same, after all they all have the same title. It seems if it were a different relationship then with the 1st, that would be pointed out by calling multiple wives by another title. I am in the same relationship with both my wives. When people ask why I wanted a 2nd the answer is pretty simple, I took the 2nd for the same reason I took the 1st. Every good reason to take a wife is the same rather it is the 1st, 2nd or 3rd. Likewise, if it is a bad reason to take multiple wives, then that same reason is a bad reason to take the 1st.

Far as I am concerned, a wife is a blessing. Two wives is more of a blessing and so on. So really, what "good" reason for either the husband or wife, is there for not wanting another wife/helpmate?
 
Exactly! Marriage is marriage, I at least believe that is how God sees it. One wife or Ten the "rules" still apply. Now, of course, the logistics are a bit different with one wife than ten but that is logistics not relationship. Though some would say that plural marriage can be a "ministry" to single moms but even with in that desire a man will still have to be attracked to the lady and like how she fits into the kind of family he wants to have...just like a first wife.

Also, if us ladies really understood this way of thinking, we would not stress so much over comparing our relationship with hubby to our SW's relationship with hubby. They each will be what they are because of the people involved...no comparision needed, we just need to work on having the relationship that works best for us.

Thanks for your thoughts sicouple.
 
julieb said:
Exactly! Marriage is marriage, I at least believe that is how God sees it. One wife or Ten the "rules" still apply. Now, of course, the logistics are a bit different with one wife than ten but that is logistics not relationship. Though some would say that plural marriage can be a "ministry" to single moms but even with in that desire a man will still have to be attracked to the lady and like how she fits into the kind of family he wants to have...just like a first wife.

Also, if us ladies really understood this way of thinking, we would not stress so much over comparing our relationship with hubby to our SW's relationship with hubby. They each will be what they are because of the people involved...no comparision needed, we just need to work on having the relationship that works best for us.

Thanks for your thoughts sicouple.
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Great thoughts! I esp liked the last part. Spot on!!!
 
I agree with your assessment. That said, here is what I think happens.

Husband approaches wife and brings up subject of polygamy. Wife freaks out asks questions why she isn't good enough, how can he possibly love another woman and her at the same time, and more.
In an effort to bring some level of rationality to the situation he brings up other reasons why he might want a wife and comes up with helping single mothers, helping single women out... after all that's very noble...
Of course the woman then responds along the lines of well why can't you just help her and not marry her and not have sex with her.
He finds other reasons. At some point it can become quite circular.
Most westernized women struggle to understand that some men are wired with the ability to fully love more than one woman at a time. If this were not true it would be much easier for a man to say to his wife, I'm willing and able to love you and another woman at the same time.
 
At the retreat in TN during the ladies' session we talked about this exact thing. Women are brought up to be so perfect all the time. Our parents expect it, our teachers, our friends. Somehow, the world expects so much from little girls. Dress up, act like a lady, be neat and tidy, do well in school, don't spill milk, keep your weight controlled, smile, be sweet and maybe just maybe we will have the approval of parents, teachers, grandparents and possibly our very own prince charming some day. I don't know how boys are raised, but watching my brother grow up, I didn't really see a lot of expectations on him. He tried music, gave that up. Wrestling lasted a season. Football, he didn't even make the cut. The only thing he ever really had to achieve at was his job. Women are expected to achieve at EVERYTHING. So when our prince charming says, "honey, the bible says I can have another wife or two, so I am going to start dating again" it is a blow to a woman. Especially when it is approached for the first time. A thousand questions flood into her mind and her heart is broken because somehow, she has failed at the one thing she should be able to do naturally because that is what God created her for.

So if a woman feels she has failed at the one thing that she was created for, then she feels pretty darn bad.

So this is what we talked about....

STOP BELIEVING THE LIES OF THE ENEMY

only the enemy is telling women that we are failures. I hear it every time I open my eyes. Yesterday I was convinced I was going to be fired because I just can't seem to get a handle on my job. But that was the enemy and guess what, HE LIES!!!!!!

Ladies, this is not about our failure as a wife, mother or human being. It is about our husbands capacity and dare I say it, need to love and be loved by more than one woman. It is not a failing on our part but a product of your husband's heart. He doesn't love you less, he wants to love more. You and the others that God may or may not have waiting for him.

Ladies, I know that I have this battle with failure every day. Not with my husband, I understand that more than I ever thought possible. I struggle with the enemy whispering failure in my ear and I know you all do too. So I urge you to get into the word and read about what God has to say about you. He is in love with you. Would God love you if you were not worthwhile.

Love
SweetLissa
 
sweetlissa said:
At the retreat in TN during the ladies' session we talked about this exact thing. Women are brought up to be so perfect all the time. Our parents expect it, our teachers, our friends. Somehow, the world expects so much from little girls. Dress up, act like a lady, be neat and tidy, do well in school, don't spill milk, keep your weight controlled, smile, be sweet and maybe just maybe we will have the approval of parents, teachers, grandparents and possibly our very own prince charming some day. I don't know how boys are raised, but watching my brother grow up, I didn't really see a lot of expectations on him. He tried music, gave that up. Wrestling lasted a season. Football, he didn't even make the cut. The only thing he ever really had to achieve at was his job. Women are expected to achieve at EVERYTHING. So when our prince charming says, "honey, the bible says I can have another wife or two, so I am going to start dating again" it is a blow to a woman. Especially when it is approached for the first time. A thousand questions flood into her mind and her heart is broken because somehow, she has failed at the one thing she should be able to do naturally because that is what God created her for.

So if a woman feels she has failed at the one thing that she was created for, then she feels pretty darn bad.

So this is what we talked about....

STOP BELIEVING THE LIES OF THE ENEMY

only the enemy is telling women that we are failures. I hear it every time I open my eyes. Yesterday I was convinced I was going to be fired because I just can't seem to get a handle on my job. But that was the enemy and guess what, HE LIES!!!!!!

Ladies, this is not about our failure as a wife, mother or human being. It is about our husbands capacity and dare I say it, need to love and be loved by more than one woman. It is not a failing on our part but a product of your husband's heart. He doesn't love you less, he wants to love more. You and the others that God may or may not have waiting for him.

Ladies, I know that I have this battle with failure every day. Not with my husband, I understand that more than I ever thought possible. I struggle with the enemy whispering failure in my ear and I know you all do too. So I urge you to get into the word and read about what God has to say about you. He is in love with you. Would God love you if you were not worthwhile.

Love
SweetLissa
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Thank you, that is a well thought out response, Many good points there that can help everyone. Even us men to insure we don't overlook this when dealing with the women in our lives.
 
Sicouple, absolutely spot on. And Chris is completely correct as to the reason why this issue even comes up.
I can't really add anything at all, you've said it so well, this post is my "like" button substitute... :D
 
FollowingHim said:
Sicouple, absolutely spot on. And Chris is completely correct as to the reason why this issue even comes up.
I can't really add anything at all, you've said it so well, this post is my "like" button substitute... :D
Click to expand...

Thank you... I wish this site had an I like/I agree button. We have many of great posters here and it would be a way for those of us who appreciate what they do to say Thank you.. After all, if it weren't for all the members here willing to give their opinions there wouldn't be much reason for us to keep coming back :)
 
I would like to add to that "why am I not good enough - how did I fail?" train of thought.

Plural marriage actually allows you to be yourself. You no longer have to be "perfect" at everything. You can focus on what you are good at and enjoy doing and leave things you do not enjoy to someone else. Of course there is always going to be something that nobody wants to do, but when you do it you no longer feel like a failure because you still did it way better than everyone else who did not do the task!
 
Eternitee, thank you! You well stated what I've not been so good at communicating to my lovely wife with regard to being perfect. I suspect I'll point her to this thread. :)
 
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